Wednesday, January 7
Lucky number... 8?
I'm not sure I believe in magic anymore. Christmas magic. September-baby magic. Dream magic. It's-been-too-long-magic. Happy 2009 magic. Excellent sperm magic (if there is such a thing). Super optimistic magic (I'm sure I just made this one up). It doesn't exist. At least not for me. At least not yet.
So, it's a no. Three times over, really.
So I was very, very impatient. I mean, I was POSITIVE that THIS was THE cycle. Basically I got my hopes up way too high... so I tested on Monday night (Day 12) thinking I for sure had at least twins. So I figured that I would test early because Betas are higher for multi-pregnancies. So, that came back negative. I was upset, but, hey, it was only Day 12.
I tested 24 hours later on Day 13 thinking this would be IT. I was bummed it hadn't come back positive the day before, but I was still pretty positive it would on Tuesday. Not so much. So, by now, I was VERY upset... I had really, really convinced myself that this was IT. I can't even tell you how many "symptoms" I had. I even had a dream that I had gone in for an u/s and they had found 3 yolk sacs. I was sure that was some kind of proof or sign or something.
So, I went in today... I guess cautiously optimistic. I figured it wasn't "it"... and by then I had decided I didn't really want it to be "it" because my HCG obviously hadn't shown up on the home test, so I didn't want to have to worry about low Beta levels and all that stress. But there was still some hope. But I did something I never, ever do on testing days. I checked off the "it's okay to leave a message" on the little pink card I have to fill out every time I go for blood or u/s. (Usually I say it is NOT okay on testing days). I guess I wasn't too hopeful... and I am REALLY sick of those "I'm sorry" calls. So they left a message and it came back negative.
I didn't get upset or cry with the call though. I'm not sure if it was because I had mentally prepared myself, or because I was listening to the call in a room of kindergartners (illegally, I must add... :)). But either way, I got through it fine. Now I look forward to the next cycle.
And really, there is an unprecedented number of pregnant people around. Some I care about, so I am really happy for them. And other's really deserve it (because I am so highly qualified to make this decision...) so I'm happy for them. But it's the huge plethora of pregnancy and babies all around in the general public. Did you know Tim Allen and his wife are expecting? As my hubby put it, "he's like 50 years old!". Or Ben Affleck just had baby number 2? (well, he didn't, but Jennifer Garner did). Or the 7 pregnant ladies and babies at Lui Lui's the other night. Or really, EVERYONE. And I don't think it's because I'm just so highly observant, because I have been just as highly observant for 2 years now. There really is a little mini-baby-boom around here. You'll hear about it on the news soon.
With all this said, I want to make it clear that I don't think these people shouldn't have babies (at least not all of them)... it's just that they're everywhere. It's a bit much. :)
On a totally unrelated note (because I always need to add something completely irrelevant), one of my fabulous kindergartners fell down the stairs yesterday before coming to school. She ended up in the hospital for x-rays and such. No permanent damage, but, jeeze, I have NEVER seen so much bruising and swelling before in my life. She looks like her face is a giant blueberry! Poor kid!