Sunday, January 18

Cycle 8... yes it has been going on.

So, let's see... I've been reluctant to update about this cycle.  I had planned on keeping it a secret... maybe not telling anyone would be good luck?  Well, that still might be the case, but it's hard to keep everything to myself.  I like to talk too much.  :) So, let's see... here is our cycle thus far.

I had CD1 on Friday the 9th.  I went in on the 11th (CD3) for u/s and was cleared to start GonalF that night.  I was instructed to take it at 75IU for 4 nights (Sunday-Wednesday nights).  

I went back on CD7 (Thursday) and had no action going on.  Nothing.  I had 10 follicles under 10mm on my left and 15 under 10mm on my right.  The usual for me... I always have a ton, they just are really lazy.  And I had a terrible blood draw.  I waited that afternoon for the call (one thing I do love about RSC is that they call you the same day without fail... and that there is never a day that they are closed...).  

Anyways, I get the call in a voicemail (I was still at school) where my instructions were to take GonalF for 3 more days at 75IU and then come in on Sunday (today).  I was very upset when I heard this.  Last cycle when we started, the first dose did nothing in the first 4 days, so they immediately upped me.  This time, I did 75IU and it did nothing in the first 4 days BUT they kept me at the same level.  It was a little anti-climatic  So, I calmly called RSC back and asked my question...

Why after 4 days of nothing were they keeping me at the same dose?  Last cycle they had upped me to 75IU, but even then I didn't mature like I should have.  (Or, my follicles didn't...)  Instead, my body started ovulating on its own, so they triggered me a little early.  (I had been at only 15mm on Sunday and then after blood on the Monday they triggered me).  My big fear last cycle had been that the follicle wasn't quite matured enough... though I can't be sure that an immature follicle was the reason it didn't work, I can't sure that it wasn't either.  

Anyways, I left my huge rambling voicemail and then set out to do some more work at school and missed the call back.  So, I came back to a 3 minute voicemail... but the gist of it was that 1. they were keeping me at 75IU because I had a lot of little follicles and since I am so young and have so much time (she literally compared my "situation" that of a 40 year-olds and detailed why they were proceeding differently) they didn't want to risk being too aggressive.  She said that failure for a few more months wouldn't be a huge set back for me like it would be for a 40 year-old.  2. And she also said that last time I was 15mm one day before the trigger so, with normal growth I would have been at 17mm the day of the trigger which would have been almost the right size... and hopefully bigger after the trigger.

Ah, so, I get this voice mail and immediately start yelling at the phone.  (Mind you, no one was on the other end!)

1. If you have read earlier posts, you would know that I HATE the sayings "you are young" and "you have time".  I KNOW I'm young.  I KNOW I biologically have time.  But I wouldn't have started this whole thing 2 years ago if I wanted to have a kid in 5 YEARS.  I wanted one THEN.  And, as for saying I can afford failure for a few rounds because I am so young...  maybe medically I can afford it.  But right about now, I'm at my breaking point and I don't know how much more I can really stand before I become permanently messed up.  I'm on edge way more than I want to be.  Depending on the day, seeing a baby in a store can reduce me to tears.  And I have been known to throw the TV controller when another person on a TV show has become accidentally pregnant.  So, yes, in reference to YOU ARE SO YOUNG, she lost me.  

And 2.  Yes, maybe "typical" or "normal" follicles grow at 2mm a day.  I know that, you know that.  But then again, would I be at RSC if I had "normal" follicles????  If I had normal growing follicles I would be at home with my year old child contemplating how to squeeze in a nap and a shower.  Instead, I'm at your damn office trying to get pregnant.  So, no, I don't have normal follicles.  They do not grow like they are supposed to.  They are slow, they are lazy, and they have been known to give up completely.  There have been days I have gone in to have a 15mm follicle and the next time I've gone in they can't find one over 12mm.  So, don't tell me that your "normal" logic made it okay for me to be triggered because I don't buy it.

SO, as you can see I did not agree with the nurse's explanations.   So, don't yell at me... don't tell me it was stupid or dangerous or that I'm screwing myself over... but I decided to take matters into my own hand and for 2 nights (Thurs and Fri) Johnny and I decided to up my dose to 112.5IU.  Saturday night we went back to 75IU incase we were being too reckless.  

So, we went in today (CD10) hoping for huge results.  We were a little disappointed... so I'm relieved we did the 112.5IU on our own because we would have been hugely disappointed if we did not.  On my left today I still had 0 over 10mm.  On my right I had 1 at 12mm and 1 at 11mm.  The rest were still under 10mm.  So, even with upping it on our own we didn't get ridiculous results.  

Our new orders have been passed down and we are to continue at 75IU for 2 nights (Sunday and Monday) and return on Tuesday.  You can bet we will NOT be doing 75IU for these two nights.  I know the risks, but I am not playing it safe to inevitably have to turn to IVF.  It might come to that, but I'm taking matters *slightly* in to my own hands.  And I know I'm throwing myself into an annoying cycle of them thinking that 75IU is working just fine when it's not and thus risk them constantly prescribing too little, but, like I said, mentally I just couldn't deal with another cycle thinking "maybe the cycle was too small when they triggered".

So, just to clarify... I will NOT listen to you, no matter what you say, if part of your defense or reasoning involves the line "you're so young" and "you have time".  It's over.


And, the obligatory randomness...

Something I can across on a blog. (Statistically Screwed, to be exact :))

I found it interesting...

Chances of a couple in their early twenties having infertility? <5%
40% of couples get pregnant within 3 months.
60% of couples get pregnant within 6 months.
75% of couples get pregnant within 9 months.
85% of couples get pregnant within 1 year.

I have always been a bit of an oddball. :)


Ashley said...

I'm sorry that nurse was so ignorant!! ONe thing I like about my RE's office is that half of his nurses went through IUI's and iVF's so they know how it feels and know how to talk to people. I would have taken more medicine too...I"ve done that with clomid (i know not exactly the same but I still went against what my dr told me).
We are almost on the same IUI cycle!! Good luck:) I will be saying a prayer that this one works for both of us!! Enjoy having tomorrow off:)

Sarah said...

I think a better way of handling it would have been to confront the nurse and let her know what she said offended you immensely. I mean yes, she is are very young, but that doesnt make it any less painful month after month for you.

Please be careful, I would hate to see something bad happen to make your chances of conceiving even further off.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I've upped my dose on my own too. A few "oops" clicks when the stupid nurse last cycle kept me at the same dose as the first failed injectable cycle. What the hell is wrong with them? Shouldn't you learn from each cycle and tweak things accordingly? I only got one mature follicle on the first try, let's shake things up and try to get 2 or 3. I also worried about the problem of them thinking you respond well to the 75IU dose, but my second cycle failed and the doctor wrote out a new plan once I complained.

I bumped my dose up about the same amount as you have, and I only ended up with one follicle and now have to take a cycle off because of cysts. This was the cycle after my miscarriage, so I'm hoping that messed things up a bit. I hope you have a great response tomorrow. And push to talk to your RE about a plan for the next cycle in case this one doesn't work. Just because you are young doesn't mean you should have to waste money, time, and side effects on inadequate dosing and incompetent nurses.