Thursday, August 26


Couch to 5K & Weight
A few weeks ago I decided to start the Couch to 5K because it seemed easy enough and I had already been working on regularly enough on our treadmill in the basement. It went well for awhile, but then my right ankle really started to bother me. So I had my mom check it out and she recommended I just brace it when I run to strengthen the muscles. I haven't gotten a brace/bandage yet... so that's been on hold for about a week.

I'm also kind of following the "points" system for food to lose some weight. After I had the twins I dropped the weight pretty quickly and was back to my original clothing and such in less than the time it took for me to go back to school (so about 6 weeks) without trying. But then began the 16 hour days of home then school then the NICU then home again and in there began lots of bad eating. Pizza in the cafeteria, a snack on the way home, junk at school, etc and I put a bunch of the weight back on. Then I was home with Colby and it was easy to just snack at home for the next 5 months. So when I was back at school in April I felt huge and was just not too happy but kind of ignored it because I was busy with everything and had Colby to take care of. BUT then I was in my friend's wedding and I felt like a whale in the dress that was too many sizes bigger than I usually wear and feel comfortable in. Add in a million formal pictures and... well, you get the idea. I feel a lot better because I'm being much more careful about what I eat... so I'll either be back to my original size or smaller... or I'll be pregnant again. :) Either way is FINE by me!

Graduate Courses
So my THREE graduate courses start on Wednesday next week. They are all online which is a HUGE plus because I don't have to be away from Colby and I can do lots of my work on weekend nights and here-and-there when I have a minute.

As a Massachusetts teacher I have currently have an Initial license because I have a BS in Early Education from graduating in 2006. As a teacher with an Initial license, I have 5 years to get my Professional license... needed to get that is my Masters. I need to have it finished (technically) by August 2011. There's no way that's happening, though, so we'll worry about that later. I put off courses for a while too long and finally started in Spring 09. Since it's an online program, course offerings are limited and if you miss an offering, you have to wait awhile to have it offered again. AND on top of that, most classes have pre-reqs. So I took 2 courses in Spring 09 and one in Summer 09. THEN I didn't take anything in Fall 09 which made it impossible to take anything in Spring 10 because of the pre-reqs and so here I am, a year later finally able to take more classes!

I'm super nervous because I'm a bit of an over-achiever when it comes to school. I'll edit a paper 8 times and have 10 extra sources. I'll read a chapter 3 times and highlight just to make sure I don't miss anything. That makes me nervous because I know I won't have time to do that anymore. Most likely I'll have to write a paper, edit it once on the screen, and then submit. Maybe skim a chapter here and there. We'll see how that goes...

Our IVF should officially be starting in about a week. I'm currently on provera because my bloodwork revealed that nothing was happening. Once the cycle starts I'll go on my birth control pills and go from there. I'm super excited at the prospect of the IVF. But I am nervous that I'm an idiot for adding one more thing to my plate. But then I'm nervous that if I wait until everything settles down... well, who knows when things will work? Everything is just a huge unknown.

Colby gets bullet points...
- Colby is just over 13 months! Woohoo!
- He still just has his 4 teeth, but he's definitely working on more. (Hence the fact that he has already woken up 2 times tonight and it's only a little before 10pm)
-He has started to stand alone for short periods of time. He's so proud of himself when he does it- and he even stood and clapped for himself yesterday!
- We met with the family day care where Colby will be going 3 days a week. I'm so excited for him to be with other kiddos for a bit of time.
- His Early Intervention screening went awesome a few weeks ago. His self-help scored at 14 months. Social/cognitive were 13 months. Gross/fine motor were 11 months. And language was around 10 months, but even the screeners said it probably wasn't accurate because they can't take what we say into account for language- instead they had to hear the examples of everything and he was being super quiet while they were here. At that point he was being screened as 9 months, so it was all good.
- He LOVES eyeglasses, doors, the refrigerator, tv controllers, the phone... basically anything NOT meant to be a toy.
- He has a big head, but the rest of him in still peanut sized. He's still wearing 6-9 month clothing during the day. Pajamas are 12 months. His hats are 2T and up.
- He will finally hold his own bottle now.
- He still gets bottles a few times a day. Mostly we're on a straw cup, but I feel like he doesn't drink enough so the bottle ensures that he gets fluids.
- He LOVES to have his teeth brushed- though I think it's because the toothpaste tastes like candy.
- His favorite foods are green beans, carrots, strawberries, watermelon, macaroni, grilled cheese, and waffles. He much prefers to feed himself. He'll only eat chicken or turkey if it's the Stage 2 Gerber foods (sweet potatoes and turkey or apples and chicken). He won't touch beef.

Watching the neighbors...

Playing in his room. The PJs say "Little Brother". I can't wait til they can say "Big Brother" too!

Playing with Aloha.

Standing alone!

Sunday, August 22

Guest Book

When Connor died his obituary was put in the local paper. The obituary & a guest book were also put online where it was destined to stay for 1 year. After 1 year it was to be removed, so on July 23rd of this year it was to be removed unless someone paid to keep it up longer.

In the beginning a bunch of family members posted 1 time. I signed up for email so I was updated every time someone posted, so I would track the comments. After the initial week or so only my mom, my dad, and I would post every now and then. Usually just around month anniversaries, to say that we were thinking of him.

At one year, a few weeks ago I got an email reminding me that the guest book would be removed. I looked and I was the last to post at 6 months, so I didn't plan on paying to keep the book online longer. Instead, I cut and pasted all the entries to save in Connor's Memory Box and I haven't been back since.

Today I got an email from the page that hosts to guest book. It had a new posting.

August 21, 2010

Just thinking of you......


I was so touched by the simple words. A year and a month later- he was just thinking of him.

But then it occured to me that the book shouldn't be online anymore. It was to go offline on July 23rd unless I paid. But...


This Guest Book has been kept online until 7/23/2011 by Grampy & Grammy
Though my parents are quiet and don't say much, it is clear that they are still so very devoted to their first grandson. They haven't forgotten him. It's clear how incredibly affected they have been by the boys' birth, Connor's death, and Colby's life. It makes me proud to be part of my family and Mom to my amazing miracles.

Saturday, August 21

Updates badly needed!

Okay... so I have SO much to update on.

  • Colby in general (he is so freakin' cute!)
  • EI evaluation
  • Lack of child care for the fall (um... woops?)
  • Getting ready to go back to work (so much more nerve wracking this time around!!)
  • Couch to 5K (I hate to run...)
  • Anniversary weekend (ahhh... sleep!)
But for the record, my body hates me and likes to play tricks. I never called RSC last weekend because all I had was some spotting which I assumed would turn into something by the end of the weekend. No dice. So I waited patiently for a few days then got very impatient. I called RSC yesterday and went in today for blood work. I even let my mind wander for a few minutes that maybe, just maybe I was pregnant. On my own! HA! Does that even happen? Anyways.

The results? Absolutely NOTHING is happening. Apparently my body is hibernating or something and just likes to try to confuse me. So, tomorrow I start provera to hopefully start a cycle in about 2 weeks. FINALLY.

Thursday, August 19

Tuesday, August 17

Sleep Help Needed!

We need sleep help here!

When Colby came home from the hospital at 3.5 months, he was sleeping pretty well. He'd wake 2 times and I would feed him 2 times. Slowly he started waking less and I'd feed him once until there was a long stretch where he would sleep 8pm to 6am. It was perfect because it coincided with me going back to school.

But now... now he wakes up ALL the time and he's STILL hungry.

He goes down at 8pm and then he ALWAYS wakes up at 11pm hungry. I've tried just soothing him or tricking him with water, but no dice. He always scarfs down at least 4oz, sometimes more.

Then begins the series of wake ups. Sometimes hungry, sometimes not. Usually around 1am, 3am, 5am, and then 6:30am.

Usually around 5am he ends up in our bed out of exhaustion and desperation. Since he falls asleep in my arms the transfer to his crib (which is at its lowest setting) often startles him. Sometimes we can make the transfer okay, but more often than not, by the 4th wake up call I'm clumsy and it doesn't work so well. I usually try the transfer 3 or 4 times before giving up.

I've tried feeding him more before bed and during the day to offset his night feedings because they're a little ridiculous at over a year old. But that hasn't worked.

I totally changed up his bedtime routine to expand it so that he would have more time to get sleepy and comfy. I swear that has only made him wake more.

I don't know what to do! I don't want to do cry-it-out, but I want him to get a good night of sleep and I need it too, especially with school back on the horizon.

I do still rock him to sleep which I realize is a total crutch and my undoing at 1am, 3am, etc... I've slowly gotten off of giving him a bottle to fall asleep because I wanted to be able to brush his teeth before putting him down. Sometimes he gets a bottle of water to fall asleep because the sucking definitely soothes him and he doesn't like a pacifier.

I know he might be teething, but I feel like this has gone on way too long to be teething. (He hasn't slept a stretch of more than 4-5 hours in almost 3 months) He's otherwise healthy and sickness free. He's an okay napper (we're working on that).

So what do I do?

Friday, August 13

Good News, Bad News

Good News: We're going away tonight for our anniversary.

Bad News: Figures that of all days to start bleeding, it would be today.

Good News: IVF- Here we come!

Oh, and Bad News: I already miss Colby!!

Thursday, August 12

4 Years

4 years.

On a beautiful, warm August day 4 years ago we said "I Do" and began our life together.

We were young, naive, and carefree.

We were in love and that's all that mattered.

At the time, we had no idea what the coming years would bring us.

In the past four years we have made it through the best of the best and the worst of the worst.

There's still no one else I'd rather have standing by me.

We can continue to make it through anything.

"I swear to you I will always be there for you.
Nothin' I won't do.
I promise you, all my life I will live for you.
We will make it through."

Tuesday, August 3

Please keep them in your thoughts...

Awhile back I mentioned the brother of a past student. At 3 1/2 years old he was diagnosed with advanced brain cancer.

He fought for over 6 months to conquer the cancer, but unfortunately it was a battle he was not able to win. On August 1st, Logan passed away at only 4 years old.

I know that you do not know this family, but please keep them in your thoughts.

"Logan M. Foster, age 4, of Woburn passed away August 1st, with his family by his side at the Boston Children's Hospital after being diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of brain cancer seven months ago. Born in Winchester on June 2, 2006 he was the cherished son of Jeremy L. and Cobey-Ann (Zwicker) Foster.

Logan was a special young boy who loved his family and playing with his older sister Alyssa. He loved playing with toy monster trucks and playing games on his I Pod Touch. He was big fan of SpongeBob and also loved the Dinsney Pixar movie "Cars". His greatest joy and interest were Fire Engines. He was always playing with his fire trucks and always looked forward to visiting the firefighters at Station 1 where he was given special treatment and made to feel like one of the guys. "