Unless

Back from a weekend away. I got stuff for school, had fun with the family, celebrated my grandfather's birthday, but I'm glad to be back. I always forget how much I miss Johnny when I'm not with him. It's times like those that I can't believe or understand how I get so annoyed with him so much. :) I'll blame it on the hormones... yeah, that always works. He doesn't always buy it though.

So, yeah, that's all. Ultrasound in the am to check for cysts and follicles. Then we're starting our *hopefully* last round of clomid. I can't even stress how much I want this to work.

Next month marks one year of working with RSC. I know that, in the grand scheme of things that that isn't a big deal, but it is to me. I know some people take so much longer, but I didn't think I would. So, one year in and what do we have to show for it? An impressive list of blood draws and ultrasounds, quite a few bills, more medication than I've had in my entire life, and four failures. I'm not sure what boggles my mind more... the fact that we've had 4 failures, or the fact that, in 12 months we could only carry out FOUR cycles. First there was the 2 months of testing, then a month off because they decided to test for cystic fibrosis, then the cycle that took 2 full months, the 1.5 months off due to the chemical pregnancy, then 2 more cycles, then another month off because of the insurance change, then the last cycle. But looking back, I am amazed at how fast everything has gone. I just wish we had more to show for it.

Every conversation we have has the "unless we get pregnant" clause in it. Next summer I'll have a real job, unless we get pregnant. Next summer we're going to Aussie, unless we get pregnant. Next cycle we'll use injectables, unless we get pregnant. I spend my days playing the unless game.

So, this is where I'll be next month, unless we get pregnant...