Monday, October 20

Wishing time away

I read somewhere recently about wishing away time. I think it was a blog of an IFer who recently had a baby, but I can't be sure and I can't remember. Basically, it said that when you're going through treatments you wish away days and weeks. But when you get to the other side, you start wishing for those days and weeks back.

It got me to thinking about how much time I have really wished away. How many times have we been confronted with a 2 week wait only to think "I wish these weeks would be over!"? I know I have probably said that about 15 times each cycle during the wait. 6 cycles x 2 weeks a cycle = 12 weeks or approximately 3 months. Three months wished away in a short period of time. There was also the 8 months TTC and knowing it wouldn't work without help ( and wishing we could just get some help-- 11 months), the month waiting for an appointment (and wishing it could be sooner-- 12 months), the 2 months between the first appointment and the follow up ( and wishing I could just move on-- 14 months), and the first month we were told to wait because they wanted to test us for CF (and wishing they had told us sooner-- 15 months). Add on to that the month we took off because of the chemical (and wishing it didn't have to put us on hold-- 16 months) And the month off due to our insurance change (and wishing we could have just started the cycle before the change-- 17 months) So, in the past 22 months, I calculate that I've been wishing away approximately 17 of those months.

Unfortunately awesome things usually come up during those waiting (wishing away) times. Like various school vacations, summer vacation, and our summer trip. And when I'm waiting and wishing time away, I usually don't enjoy the good things quite as much. (How can you when you're spending the whole time wishing the day was over so the next one could be over too?) So, I guess, I'm wondering how much I am really missing out on right now.

But I guess the silver lining is that I know I haven't lost the ability to wish and hope. Maybe I just need to transfer my wishing and my hope to a more positive outlook than just wishing away time and hoping things could move faster...

And here's to waiting for Wednesday...

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