Sunday, October 26

It'll be alright

I don't quite know how to explain it, but I still have this nagging thought that this was all too easy. And I know that sounds a little ridiculous seeing as we have been trying for almost 2 years while some people get accidentally pregnant. But it's like it's almost too good to be true. Having things progress smoothly would be too easy.

It's been hard to remind myself that there are plenty of pregnancies that do end happily and without major complications. I think through reading blogs I have seen too much of the sadness of loss and recurrent loss that I kind of began to think that was the norm. You had to experience the tragic loss before you experienced the good. But with thinking and just logic I know that's not the truth. Sometimes things do go wrong, but most of the time, they go right.

So I have been a bit nervous the past few days... sure that something would go wrong. That I would stop having any symptoms, that the HPT's would come back negative (because I have taken a few more over the past couple of days...), or that I would start bleeding. I had no reason to think this, but I did.

But none of that has happened. I'm still exhausted-- way more than usual. And I still just feel pregnant. So, though I continue to be nervous and anxious, I have finally reached a point where I really think that this might just work out. I know it's early, but I think I have finally realized that it can have a happy ending and things CAN go right. So here's to the positivity and having things go right. Never have I ever wanted anything more than for this to work out perfectly... so that in 8 months we have a healthy baby in our arms. Really, nothing else matters. I don't care where we live, what money we have, or anything... I just know that this is always what I have wanted and I'm finally on the way to getting it. And that feels great. :)

So tonight, I go to bed more confident than ever that things will go right for the next 8 months. And in the end we'll have the baby we dreamed of. Hopefully tomorrow I can go to bed even more confident. And that my confidence will only grow over the next several days, weeks, and months.

1 comment:

Morrisa said...

I think we all feel these things. Even now I have trouble believing that everything will work out for me. I think we do see such much loss that we come to expect it. I'm praying that all goes well for you!