Back to Work

Today is November 19th & this is post 17 for the month, so I'm not too doing too badly with this whole NoBloPoMo thing.

I go back to work in exactly 1 month.  I'm terrified & dreading it.  But I'm also looking forward to meeting my class.  Apparently they're a little crazy.  It's going to be a huge transition & I'm going to be so much more exhausted.  It will be a song & dance of work-kids-grad class (my last class before the practicums so I can finally have my MEd!).  I think the word will be exhausting.  But you can do anything for 5 months, right?

We've been interviewing perspective nannies.  We've met 2, we have 2 more lined up.

The first one, J, was just "meh".  I really liked her when we met and she has a cutie 2 year old she could bring to play with Colby sometimes.  And we were actually ready to offer her the position, but after thinking about it for a little more I just started to feel uneasy about her.  I'm not sure what it was/is exactly, but something tells me she's just not a good fit for us.

Then we met with another girl, S.  I really, really liked her.  She seems like a really great fit.  She's younger than me (I'm starting to feel really old lately) without her own kids, but her personality & how much Colby liked her just seemed right.  So I would totally have offered her the position, but I want to see what all of our options are.

So we'll meet with M & A on Monday and decide from there.  I'm liking our prospects.  It makes me feel a little better about going back to work.

I'm still a little (a lot) scared about how Colby especially is going to handle the transition.  He's such a Mama's boy & I don't want him to feel abandoned.  (Just thinking that makes my heart ache a bit)  Today we were at Johnny's aunt's house and I snuck upstairs to pump.  About 10 minutes in Johnny & Colby popped in because Colby went up to Johnny with "a single tear" and said sadly "Dada, I no see Mama..."  So I'm really worried about him.

And the girls are Mama's girls too.  Zoe just gives this look that lets you know she needs me right then.  It's such a sad look and she will find me across the room.   And I don't want to lose the closeness and the bond that we have.

And in addition to being worried about them, I'm worried about someone seeing the separation anxiety for what it is and being willing to work through the crazy transition because there are apt to be some awful days.

So, one more month with my amazing, beautiful, perfect children.

I know I can be a good mom through all of this.  And I know I've done it before, but it's still so, so hard.