Monday, July 27


Right now we're sitting anxiously awaiting the results of Colby's PICC line that they're putting in. We just want to know that he's okay and that the line found the right spot. Just one week ago they tried the same procedure on Connor and it didn't work. 4 tries and all he had were four holes. It broke my heard to see those little marks.

One week ago tomorrow at 7:02am we lost Connor. He was laying in my arms as he passed. I can't figure out how it's been so long already. Or how I'm going to make it though this. I know I'm not the same and I won't be the same... but I don't know where I'm supposed to be heading or what is supposed to happen to me. It's so hard to think of moving on.

You see on tv and in movies that people are afraid that they're forgetting their loved one who died. I already feel that like sometimes. I'm so afraid that I'm losing Connor. We only had him for 2 days... so pictures are few and far between. Memories are the occasional touch in the isolette and the kicks inutero. So I feel like I'm forgetting him already. Right now I'm making a daily newsletter for Colby and I feel like I should be including Connor in it somehow, but I don't know how to. Bleh. It just stinks.


Ashley said...

just passing on a link to another blog I have learned a lot from it!

Beth said...

Stacey, my name is Beth, I heard about your story from my best friend Carrie. I just want you to know I am SO sorry for your loss. I will keep you, your husband, Colby & Connor in my prayers.

Carrie said...

I lost a close friend (which I know is nothing like a child) and I was so afraid I'd forget him. I am happily surprised that over the years since his death, the memories become richer and sweeter. I hope this for you whenever it comes.

Thinking of Colby (and you all) EVERY day.


Michele said...

in my experience, you dont move on. you find a new normal. i miss the kids every single day. but i am just so grateful tp have carried them and to have held them in this world for the short time I had. but the pain and the emptiness is still there. just below the surface.