A few pictures :)

I'm going to wait a few days before adding the protection element-- mostly because I'm too lazy right now! :) But for your viewing pleasure... here are two pictures. One to honor our little Connor man. (It's been a week... and I can't believe it.  We miss the little guy more than you can imagine.) The second is of my kangaroo-baby Colby!! :)

Connor at 10 hours old.  :)  

Colby and a tired Mommy doing the kangaroo!

Password Part II

I wasn't thinking... in order to password protect, I need your email. :) Either leave it here or email me at stacey.jamerson at gmail dot com.

Password Time

I'm on my way to becoming password protected. If you'd like to be included please let me know. I just feel like my posts are getting more and more depressing and personal and I would rather guard who around me reads it. :)

Waiting

Right now we're sitting anxiously awaiting the results of Colby's PICC line that they're putting in. We just want to know that he's okay and that the line found the right spot. Just one week ago they tried the same procedure on Connor and it didn't work. 4 tries and all he had were four holes. It broke my heard to see those little marks.

One week ago tomorrow at 7:02am we lost Connor. He was laying in my arms as he passed. I can't figure out how it's been so long already. Or how I'm going to make it though this. I know I'm not the same and I won't be the same... but I don't know where I'm supposed to be heading or what is supposed to happen to me. It's so hard to think of moving on.

You see on tv and in movies that people are afraid that they're forgetting their loved one who died. I already feel that like sometimes. I'm so afraid that I'm losing Connor. We only had him for 2 days... so pictures are few and far between. Memories are the occasional touch in the isolette and the kicks inutero. So I feel like I'm forgetting him already. Right now I'm making a daily newsletter for Colby and I feel like I should be including Connor in it somehow, but I don't know how to. Bleh. It just stinks.

Little fuzzy

As I sit here today I'm still feeling a little fuzzy.

I'm still at a stage where I cannot believe that it's already been over a week that I had the little guys. The whole day was such a blur... the contractions, rushing to L&D, the emergency section, the recovery... everything. It came and went so quickly and at the end of the day I had two tiny baby boys struggling for their lives. Of course I wanted to know why. Did I do something wrong? Did I do too much? Did I really have an infection that forced the guys to come out and made Connor sick? It was a surreal day, but at the end of it, I had two beautiful babies. I immediately missed their little kicks. As I was laying in the recovery room that was the first thing I thought of... how much I missed those little nudges. However, when I got up to the NICU to see them and I saw them doing their little leg and arm stretches it was even greater than the nudges (though I still desperately miss them).

Monday was a great day... I was finally able to get out of bed. I was still in a ton of pain, but it didn't stop me from getting down to see the babies several times. I was terrified to touch them.. I didn't want to hurt the little guys. It hurt to be watching them and to not be able to take care of them, but I knew they were in good hands. They were both showing improvements in their own ways. They were both looking so good.

We went to bed on Monday with reassuring news... things were looking up and they were getting ready for the "next steps" for the both of them. We couldn't wait. Then there was that fateful 4am wake up call to get to the NICU because Connor wasn't doing well. The speed that Kristy wheeled my wheelchair told us that something was seriously, seriously wrong. And we all know the rest.

But like I said, it's still so surreal. I can't believe that I'm a mommy to two boys. I can't believe that they're so tiny. I can't believe that Connor passed away. I can't believe that we had to say goodbye to Connor already. I can't believe that I am in constant fear that something will happen to Colby. I just can't believe that anything in the past week happened. And that terrifies me. I've had so many breakdowns already, but I still don't think I understand the enormity of everything that has happened. I'm afraid that it's going to crash into me one of these days. Litt

Yesterday

The funeral yesterday was just what you would expect it to be... long and very difficult to get through.  But with the help of our families and friends, and a few breakdowns along the way, we made it.  Our little Connor is peacefully tucked away.  He heard more "I Love You's" yesterday than I really believe many people hear in their entire lives.  I'll tell you something... at only 2 days old he was one loved little boy.  Well, he still is very loved.

We did have a lot of people not show up yesterday who really should have been there.  It's hard... we're not trying to be petty or say that we should be the center of the universe, but yesterday was a BIG DEAL.  People should have dropped studying for 2 hours or drove back from a vacation trip or even just called.  It really hurt because people say they will do anything for you... that they want to be there for you, but really, they'll only do as much as is convenient.  And even that... only if they're in the mood.  Besides our parents-- who went above and beyond-- we didn't ask anyone for ANYTHING except to be there for us.  I understand that some people are uncomfortable and don't know what to say... but do you think we are comfortable?  To put it into perspective... even our "tax guy" came... when someone of my "best friends" didn't.  It's going to take a LONG time to get over the hurt.

But now that I'm done being petty... I'm going to share some of the words that Johnny and I shared at the funeral.  Johnny had to read mine because I couldn't keep it together.  But he did an amazing job.

My Mom and Dad Are Survivors

My Mom and dad are survivors,

or so I've heard it said.

But I can hear them crying at night

when all others are in bed.

I watch them lay awake at night

and go to hold their hands.

They don't know I'm with them

to help them understand.

But like the sands on the beach

that never wash away ...

I watch over my mom and dad

who think of me each day.

They wear a smile for others ...

a smile of disguise!

But through Heaven's door

I see tears flowing from their eyes.

My mom and dad try to cope with death;

To keep my memory alive.

But anyone who knows them knows

it is their way to survive.

As I watch over my mom and dad

through Heaven's open door ...

I try to tell them that angels

protect me forevermore!

I know that doesn't help them,

or ease the burden they bear.

So, if you get a chance, go visit them.

Show them that you care.

For no matter what they say...

no matter what they feel.

My mom and dad have a broken heart

that time won't ever heal.

My words are a little bit longer...

I have wanted to be a mom for as far back as I can remember.  My brother Matt is only about a year younger than I am.  From very early I took it upon myself to be his surrogate mother.  My dad used to say “He’ll never learn if you always do it for him!”  It drove my dad crazy.  I didn’t care though—I loved taking care of Matt.  Over the years many things changed—Matt could do things for himself, but I still wanted to help and take care of him.  It was in me.  Matt was my substitute until I could have a child of my own.

From the very beginning I knew that Johnny wanted children just as badly as I did.  It was such a huge factor for us.  So, when Johnny and I found out we were expecting on February 7th (I could tell you the time, what I ate that day, and how I was feeling), we were elated that our wishes were coming true.  The dream became even greater when we found out on March 3^rd that we weren’t expecting one baby—we were expecting two!!

Immediately Johnny and I were thrilled.  Maybe thrilled isn’t the right word.  Lots of people are scared when they find out that they’re having a baby.  Things change—their lives will be different, they will have to dedicate their energy away from themselves.  We didn’t care.  That’s what we WANTED.  We loved talking about the future… baseball games, family trips, mini vans—yes, I actually want one!  I don’t care if it’s a “mom mobile”… that’s what I want! 

We wanted it all WITH these little guys and we wanted it all FOR these little guys.  Everyone else who loved them did too.  I guess we still do.

A few weeks later we were thrilled—and a bit surprised—to learn that we were having two boys.  Immediately Johnny and I agreed on the name Connor for our first little boy. 

Besides getting married and having kids, it was one of the easiest decisions we made.  There was not discussion.  And if you know Johnny and I … you know it is rare when we agree on things immediately.  From that moment on Baby A became Connor.  He had a name and he was loved more than many people are in their whole lives.

Eventually I started feeling the little guys kick.  The feeling was incredible.  I’d stop things just to wait for a little nudge.  I sat at school with my hand on my stomach as I read stories to my class.  I wonder if my students noticed that I would smile at completely random times when the guys were saying hi.  If I had a bad day, I’d ride the whole way home with my hand on my stomach going way too slow.  It never got old. 

As things progressed over the past few weeks and I ended up on bed rest, I tried to keep a positive attitude.  But to be honest, there were only 2 things that could keep my truly happy and make me smile even when I felt miserable.  One was to hear their little heartbeats on the Doppler and the other was to feel their little kicks.  It was a reminder of why I was there and what I was pulling for. It was Connor and Colby’s way of telling me that things would be okay.

And it was.  As they entered the world on July 19^th—a lot early and a little impatiently—I was elated.  Again, I don’t think elated is the right word here.  But it will have to do.  Hearing the first cries, kissing their little heads, and seeing the joy on Daddy’s face are all things I won’t forget.

Nor will I forget the precious 43 hours we got with Connor.  He gave me the ultimate gift- my ultimate desire—I was a mom.  But even better… I was HIS mom.

Now, taken too soon, it hurts to say goodbye.  I can’t pretend that I completely understand why we had to say goodbye so soon.  My first baby, Colby’s big brother, will always be missed.  The will never forget those sweet features- the crinkly ears, those tiny toes, the dark hair, or those big blue eyes just working to take everything in. 

But mostly I won’t forget the love I have for him.  The love I’ve had since long before I knew him. 

At closing, I just want to say that Connor will be forever loved.  He was a dream come true.  His life, although brief, was so important and meaningful to his daddy, brother, and I.  There was no shortage of love in his life, I promise you that. 

If you have read all of this, then you deserve an update on Colby.  :)  Right now he's doing great... he's eating with a feeding tube in addition to his IV nutrients.  He's on the CPAP instead of the ventilator (GREAT day!!).  We've gotten to hold him once.  We can hear his cries now!  He's starting to regulate his own body temp.  He has no more blue light for the jaundice!  Overall, he's a cutie who made it to 28 weeks yesterday!  Here's to MANY, MANY more!!

Our Story: Update

In December of 2006 my husband and I decided to try to start a family. We knew I'd have issues getting pregnant, but our naivety made us think that we would be pregnant by September of 2007. We figured a little time, a little time... we were in.

Things didn't work that way. We tried on our own until September 2007 and then began receiving help at a local Fertility Clinic. Cycles started in January of 2008. February 2008 yielded a chemical pregnancy and a small glimmer of help. Failures of Timed Intercourse and Clomid/IUI followed until October of 2008 when two wonderful lines appeared on the test. Our happiness was short lived when a repeat Beta showed that my levels were not increasing as they should. On November 1, 2008 I miscarried our first child.

After a small break, we continued with Injectable IUI's, received more failures and then, after a heightened response in January 2009, our IUI was converted to an IVF. 8 eggs were retrieved, 6 were mature, 3 fertilized, and 2 cleaved. On January 27th, 2009 2 beautiful embryos were transfered. On February 7th the beautiful double lines appeared again and on March 3rd two beautiful beating hearts appeared on the ultrasound machine.

My blissful pregnancy progressed. I feel in love with my belly and my two growing boys.

Time stopped on June 22nd when I visited my High Risk OB and it was discovered that my cervix was dangerously short. I was in danger of having my beautiful boys at only 23 weeks 2 days and was immediately put on strict hospital bed rest at home, with the intent of entering the hospital at 23 weeks 6 days.

I spent the next 4 weeks in the hospital and remained perfectly boring. Ultrasounds came back wonderful, monitoring revealed amazing babies, and I remained stable. On Friday, July 17th at 26 weeks 6 days my cervix was checked and I was discovered to be only 1 cm dilated, long, and semi-closed. The results were so encouraging that I was going to be released to home bed rest at 28 weeks.

However, the world crashed when, on Sunday, July 19th, at 27 weeks 1 day, I woke up to intense pain. Only after trying to ease the pain in the shower did I realize that I was contracting. Nurses and doctors were called, I was hooked up to machines, and after learning I was dilated to 6cm it was determined that labor could not be halted and that my precious boys would be born that morning. I was terrified and prayed that my boys would be delivered safely.

The morning was a blur, and before I knew it, I was in the OR and my two boys were delivered via emergency C-section. Connor graced the world with his presence at 11:56am at 2lbs 9oz. His baby brother Colby followed 2 minutes later at 11:58am at 2lbs 3oz.

Both boys thrived that first day. They were beautiful. I was in a daze, but they were perfect. We had a long hard road ahead of us, but we were ready to take it on together.

Monday, July 20th we visited with the boys, enjoyed their lives, and prayed that little Connor's body would heal. He was fighting an infection, high blood pressure, a PDA, breathing issues, and potential bleeding on the brain. The problems were under control and the head ultrasound was scheduled for the next morning.

He would never get to it.

On Tuesday, July 21st we were awoken at 4am by my favorite nurse with the news that Connor was not doing well. We were rushed to Connor's side in the NICU where he was fighting for his life. His ventilator was no longer sufficient, a nurse was bagging him, and his heart rate and oxygen saturation were dipping dangerously low. Over and over and over again.

Finally, after 3 transfusions, a few attempts back on the ventilator, tears, and heartache we made the difficult decision to let Connor pass in our arms. At 7:08am, after only 43 hours, we said goodbye to our first born son.

It was the hardest thing I have ever gone through.

We said goodbye to Connor 4 days later in a small ceremony attended by friends and family Connor's ashes sit in a small heart box on our bureau.

Colby continued to grow in the NICU. After a few trips back and forth to the ventilator, CPAP, and nasal cannula, Colby was finally oxygen free 3 months after birth. Apnea spells kept him in the hospital until he finally proved that he could maintain breathing and his heartrate on his own. At 109 days old we were finally able to take our baby home.

Since being home, Colby has thrived. He is active, happy, and surprisingly meeting every milestone and challenge before him. He has never shown any problems with his lungs, breathing, eyesight, or hearing- all common preemie issues.

Shortly after the boys were born we decided to give the baby-making another go. After the okay at my 6 week checkup, we decided to see what would happen. Every month I was cautiously optimistic, but negatives followed. In May 2010 we went back to RSC to set up our next IVF cycle. Testing, waiting, and paperwork took up the summer and in September 2010 we began the meds for IVF #2.

On October 11th 8 of 22 possible follicles were retrieved. 5 fertilized and 3 cleaved. We transferred 2 embryos-- one 4 cell and one 5 cell-- on October 14th. Then we crossed our fingers and prayed! October 23rd- 12 days post retrieval revealed 2 pink lines- which only got darker as the days went by!

October 25th confirmed the pregnancy with a beta of 730. Repeat betas rose and on November 5th we once again saw 2 beating hearts on the screen. Once again the pregnancy started out uncomplicated.  As a precaution my doctor decided to place a precautionary cerclage at 14 weeks.  The stitch went on great and I continued regular monitoring.

At 24 weeks an ultrasound showed a slightly shortened cervix so I was taken out of work and placed on modified bedrest/restricted activity.  Three weeks later, at just over 27 weeks, on April 8th, an ultrasound showed that my cervix had shortened considerably.  I was immediately admitted into the hospital and given betamethazone for the babies lungs.  I remained on strict hospital bedrest for 3 weeks and was released on April 28th to home bedrest.

I continued regular monitoring- the babies still looked great- until my water broke at 34weeks 1day just after 2am on May 25th.  We immediately headed to the hospital and at 6:20am and 6:21am Sydney Hope and Zoe Elizabeth entered the world.  Sydney weighed 4lbs 10oz and Zoe weighed 4lbs 10.8oz Despite their 6 week-early arrival both girls were born incredibly healthy.

A few days after their birth I developed another infection and remained on antibiotics for over 3 days.  A CAT Scan revealed a large blood clot on a vein leading from my right ovary.  I was placed on a regimen of twice daily lovenox injections to break up the clot.  I was released from the hospital one week after the girls birth on June 1st.

 Zoe remained in the NICU for 11 days perfecting her eating and Sydney remained in the NICU for 13 days- only held back by a pesky apnea spell 5 days previously.

Now both girls are home, happy, healthy and incredibly cute.  I am so grateful for the amazing doctors that helped to make them a reality.  

Life isn't fair.

I know life isn't fair, but I wish it was.

It's not fair that I'm getting ready to go to my baby's funeral.

It's not fair that I only got to hold him when he was passing.

It's not fair that the only thing I've wiped from his face wasn't tears, but blood.

It's not fair that I'm in constant fear that something will happen to his baby brother.

It's not fair that I can't take care of my own babies.

It's not fair that I can't feed my baby.

It's not fair that I can't hold my baby.

It's not fair that my baby is hooked up to so many wires to survive.

It's not fair that he has to fight for his life.

It's not fair that I have a hole in my heart.

It's not fair that we're in so much pain and it only seems to be getting worse.

It's not fair.  

Hardest Post Ever

As everyone knows... Connor and Colby were born on Sunday, July 19th in the AM.  They were tiny little squirmers.  I was nervous beyond belief, but their first cries were magical.

Monday they did pretty well.  All Colby gave us was good news.  They would reduce this and wean him off that.  He was clear of such-and-such.  He was only 2lbs 3 oz, but he was holding his own.  

Connor was full of good news as well-- they picked up a murmur, but with meds it seemed to be going away.  He had blood pressure issues, but with meds he was getting better.  He wasn't tolerating the normal ventilator, but the newer ventilator was working pretty well.  He was lethargic in the AM which made them worry about bleeding on the brain, but he was squirming a lot more in the PM so this was a good sign.  So... his good news was following iffy news.  If that makes sense.  We went to bed late Monday night after seeing the boys and they looked good.

Our fabulous nurse Kristy (I think we'll leave a little piece of our hearts with her) woke us up at 4:30 telling us that we had to get upstairs because Connor had taken a turn.  She rushed us upstairs to find at least 6 or 7 nurses working on Connor.  The ventilator wasn't working for him anymore so he was being bagged, his oxygenation in his blood was dangerously low (and staying that way), and he seemed to have bleeding in his lungs.  After about an hour of trying everything possible (we saw him get 2 more blood transfusions and the nurse with the bag NEVER stopped.... she was amazing) we were told there was nothing else they could do.  

They took the little guy off his tubes and leads and we got to hold him and kiss him and tell him how much we love him.  We sat there holding that guy for the longest time and long, long after he passed... our family came and the nurses in the NICU were still, as always, amazing and fabulous.  Things didn't turn out as we wanted, but we owe them a lot.  I can't even tell you how grateful we are that we chose this hospital to have the little guys.

Though we did elect not to have an autopsy performed the suspicion is that the little guy had a lot of bleeding on the brain... he was sick.  Very, very sick and just not strong enough.  We are so proud of him for trying for us... but through the pain, we realize that this really is better for the little guy.   

It was a horrible, horrible day.  And that obviously doesn't even articulate it.  I've never been one to ever have trouble sleeping, but last night was awful.  Every time I closed my eyes I saw some flash- real or unreal- to the NICU.  

I'm holding it together pretty well.  The hardest was actually saying good bye to the little guy.  And handing him off to the nurses.  But as I've said before... he could not have been in better hands.  Our families were so supportive and, though we know it was really hard on them too, we appreciate absolutely everything they have done.  In appropriate or not, we've kind of handed off the arrangement reigns to them.  I cannot think about that right now.  We just need Connor to know that we love him, wanted him for so long, and did everything we could for him.  :) 

We're so focused on Colby now.  (Which has just been good news all around... no "uh ohs" yet, though we've been promised that those will come.)  He's probably the only reason we're still semi-functioning.

Please just keep us in your thoughts and prayers.  

They're HEEEEEERE!!!!

Hello to everyone again!! This is Stacey's husband reporting live from our post partum room at the hospital. It seems like I usually only get to post on here when things are crazy or Stacey is unable to come to the computer, and that is where we are at right now. STACEY HAD THE TWINS TODAY!!!!!! I'm sure you are all just as shocked reading this as I am to be writing this. No one knew going to bed last night the adventure we would go on today. I posted on the blog we started for the family who didnt know about our adventures in the world of infertility earlier, so here is the update....

In case you hadn't heard, Stacey started having some serious contractions out of nowhere this morning. We called the nurse and they put her on the monitor, and they confirmed she was having steady contractions about 1-3 minutes apart. The doctor came down to check her out and said well these babies are going to be coming today. We will give you an ultrasound to see if they can come out on their own, and if not we will do a c-section. Ultrasound showed Baby A was in position, but Baby B was upside down so natural birth was not going to be an option. They prepped Stacey for the procedure, threw me in some scrubs, and we rushed her right in to the operating room. THEN....

At 11:56AM on 19 July 2009 little Connor James Jamerson entered the world. He weighed in at 2 lbs. 9 oz and was 14.75" long.

2 minutes later at 11:58AM his brother Colby John Jamerson entered the world as well. He weighed in at 2 lbs. 3 oz. and was 14.17" long.

The babies were rushed off to the NICU to be taken care of while I stayed with Stacey and had her get all stitched up.

FAST FORWARD TO RIGHT NOW....

Its now 10PM and I am finally starting to come down off the adrenaline high I have been on since 9:30 this morning. Stacey is resting and doing absolutely GREAT!!! The boys are up in the NICU and we are being told that is where they will stay until probably what their original due date was. (October 17th) They are telling us that Connor seems to be fighting a little bit of an infection and they had to give him some more of the steroids to help with his lungs and he is already on antibiotics to help with the infection. He opened his eyes and looked right at me though when I went over to look at him in the operating room. Colby is doing as well as a baby can do at 27 weeks 1 day. He is kicking and squirming around and grabs my finger when I put it in his hand.

Thats about all I have for right now. Like I said before the adrenaline is finally starting to wear off and its been going nonstop since about 9:30 this morning. Thanks again to everyone for the love, support, messages, emails, text messages, voicemails, and prayers!!!

I promise we will get some more pictures posted on here shortly. We are both wiped from today and are going to try and go see the little guys up in the NICU one more time and then try and rest up for what I am sure will be another long day tomorrow.

Ouch! :)

You know how on A Baby Story (I watch WAY too much of this!) the moms always cringe when they're being checked?  I never could figure out WHY they were in pain.  Well, I learned today.  Ouch.

The good news?  I appear to be longer than was measured at the last exam, I'm only 1cm dilated, and Baby A is still up nice and high.  :)  

YAY.  But, OW.

Weights

Just a quick update about the little ones!

We had an ultrasound yesterday. Things are still looking great... B had the hiccups! Very cute. :)

Anyways... some weights.

Baby A weighed in at 2 pounds 5 ounces.

Baby B weighed in at 2 pounds 6 ounces.

Every measurement was above and beyond 26w2d. :) So they're looking good and we're happy.

Keep it up little guys... we're proud of you!

And here's a little chart of averages for you to compare to...

(Now that I see this, I wish I knew the lengths!)

26 weeks	14.02 inches	1.68 pound	35.6 cm	760 grams
27 weeks	14.41 inches	1.93 pound	36.6 cm	875 grams
28 weeks	14.80 inches	2.22 pounds	37.6 cm	1005 grams
29 weeks	15.2 inches	2.54 pounds	38.6 cm	1153 grams
30 weeks	15.71 inches	2.91 pounds	39.9 cm	1319 grams
31 weeks	16.18 inches	3.31 pounds	41.1 cm	1502 grams
32 weeks	16.69 inches	3.75 pounds	42.4 cm	1702 grams
33 weeks	17.20 inches	4.23 pounds	43.7 cm	1918 grams
34 weeks	17.72 inches	4.73 pounds	45 cm	2146 grams
35 weeks	18.19 inches	5.25 pounds	46.2 cm	2383 grams
36 weeks	18.66 inches	5.78 pounds	47.4 cm	2622 grams
37 weeks	19.13 inches	6.30 pounds	48.6 cm	2859 grams
38 weeks	19.61 inches	6.80 pounds	49.8 cm	3083 grams
39 weeks	19.96 inches	7.25 pounds	50.7 cm	3288 grams
40 weeks	20.16 inches	7.63 pounds	51.2 cm	3462 grams

26w2d

How far along? 26 weeks 2 days

Total weight gain/loss: Today I weighed in at less than 20 lbs gained.  I may have lost some being on bedrest the past 3 weeks.

Maternity clothes? Maternity pjs

Stretch marks? Yes... and my parents bought me coco butter to slather all over them.  :)

Sleep: Some nights are better than others!

Best moment this week: Last week was a very uneventful week which was nice.

Movement: They love to move.  They spend their time trying to kick off the monitor every day.  That's when they go crazzzy.

Food cravings: Coffee ice cream.  Yum!

Gender: 2 boys

Labor Signs: Occasional contractions that I have been told are fine.  They still make me nervous though.

Belly Button in or out? In-between-ie

What I miss: Being self-sufficient.

What I am looking forward to: Another great ultrasound and more uneventful weeks.  July 25 makes 28 weeks!

Weekly Wisdom: Enjoy every minute.

Milestones: 26 weeks... under 100 days.  :)

A few purchases...

So... last night Johnny made our first baby purchases.  :)  I'm a little nervous to be making them... simply because things are so precarious, but we had a ton of reward points, there was a 20% reward point saving sale, and they had the design I love.  (Melbourne... ahhh... Australia... :))  So... here is what we are waiting for!

I'll do my survey thing later and all that good stuff...

1st... and probably totally impractical, we bought 2 Melbourne Travel Systems.  This was we have 2 single strollers (incase we ever separate the twins between grandparents they can each have a stroller) that come with the car seats and bases.  We are also getting the double stroller, but it doesn't come with the car seats.

Number 2... we got the Melbourne Pack N Play with newborn napper system.  Contrary to Johnny's plans, we are going to use this as the bassinet.

Lastly... we have a swing.  We only got one because we also plan on getting a bouncy seat.  

Who knows!

It's so stressful to not know exactly what's going on.

For the past 4 or 5 days the monitoring sessions have showed zero contractions.  Yay.  But every now and then, I feel my belly and it feels HARD.  So I mentioned this to the doctor, nurse, and resident.  No one seems worried.  I don't FEEL it getting hard, I just happen to poke myself at the right time.  But it's still worrying me... like I'm having contractions that I can't prove and, thus, can't be treated.  Yesterday I went so far as to be hooked up to the toco for an extra session just to prove that I wasn't having contractions and it came back completely clean.  So... do I just accept that these don't matter or that they're Braxton Hicks?  Either way, I'm nervous as all heck.  And it doesn't help that I have lots of ligament pain that also distracts me at times.

Oh well.  On another note, today is 26w1d.  Tomorrow will mark 3 weeks of bed rest.  I know this sounds crazzzy, but it has gone FAST.   I've developed a nice little routine that keeps me occupied and I have my eye on the prize.  :)

But here's a normal day... :)

6am: Resident comes in, asks the usual questions, does a little poking leaves.

6-7am: Back to sleeeeep

7am: Nurse comes in for blood pressure and nifedapin

7-8am: Back to sleep

8am: Order breakfast

8-8:45am: Do nothing

8:45-9am: Eat

9-11am: Watch bad TLC shows

11am-12pm: Vitals, monitoring

12-1pm: More bad TLC

1pm: Order lunch

1-1:45pm: Wordsearch or some other mindless drudgery

1:45-2pm: Lunch

2pm: Vitamin and vitals

2-3pm: Lalalalala

3pm: Blood pressure, nifedapin

3-5pm: Nap

5-8:30pm: Johnny's here!!!!  Dinner and shower

8:30-11pm: More mindless TV

11pm: Vitals, nifedapin

11pm-12:30am: Telling myself to go to sleep, but still wasting time

12:30-6am: Let's sleep.  And pee about 25 times.

Th end.

Bassinet? Why?

This is my fabulous husband's solution to buying a bassinet for the babies.  (He would rather spend the money on an HD Video Camera to film the babies)

Take 1 rectangular, fold up card table.  

Place two cardboard boxes on the top.

Place a few blankets in each cardboard box.

Place table and boxes next to bed.

Viola!  You've got yourself a bassinet!

Please keep in mind that he swore that he was serious.  And, even now, he's still not sure why this wouldn't work.

99 Days Left!

Hello world.  It's just past 6:30 and, yes, I'm up.  Why you ask?  Because of the most annoying nurse ever.  I should point out that I've been EXTREMELY lucky with my nurses.  Usually I like them a lot... and if not, they're not here too long, so it's okay.  This one... lucky for me (her?) she's only here 11pm to 7am today.  Hopefully I don't see her again.

Anyways... I wake up with at start at 6:15am to her just starrrring at me.  In the dark I see her outline and she's just watching.  She says, "Oh, you looked like it was a good dream... so I didn't want to bother you."  (Side note: It was a good dream.  I can't remember what it was about anymore, but it was one of those dreams that kind of takes you all night to get through...)   So once I'm groggily awake she proceeds to turn on the overhead lights of death.  (I have never seen lights so bright!)  Then she proceeds to go through every vital, play what seems like the piano on my belly, takes off my compression boots to bend my feet, and listen to the babies on the doppler (which took a good 10 minutes because she didn't know where to find them) before saying "Ooops.  I guess they usually check your vitals when the nurses do their rounds at 9??  Oh well, it was fun... and I'm too early for your nifetapin.  I'll be back at 7 to give that to you."

Ugh bug.   So basically the crazy lady woke me up for no reason!  Or, rather, REALLY woke me up for no reason.

In other news.  Yesterday I had 2 contractions during monitoring.  I think I felt them... but I don't know.  I was watching the screen and the numbers and as the numbers started climbing I got really anxious and that's when I thought I felt them.  So... I can't figure if I really felt them, if I only thought I felt them, or even if I made them worse because I had a mini-personal freakout each time it happened?  So then they did a second round of monitoring in the PM and I didn't look at the numbers at all... and I had zero contractions.  So I can't say that I did officially feel them or not.  Either way, they weren't anything really notable.  No doctors were called in, no new orders sent... so I'm hoping it's not a big deal.  

The other day a doctor came in to discuss with me how I want to deliver these babies when the time comes.  As we've said all along... I just want to do what I'm told and what is best for the babies.  C-Section, natural... it really doesn't matter to me as long as I have two healthy babies.  So she went into detail.  Pre-30 weeks I don't have a choice... it would be C-Section.  The only scary part?  Pre-30 weeks they have to make the Section incision in a different place than usual due to size.  This place carries with it it's own complications.  Additionally... if (when) we had kids in the future, I could ONLY ever have a C-Section and throughout the pregnancy I'd be at a higher risk for uterine rupture.  Scary.  

Lastly, I've been dying to type this for ages.  We are officially at 99 days to go!  I know we most likely won't make it that far, but it's a nice milestone to check off.

Let's make sleep even harder!

As if it wasn't already hard enough for me to sleep (I think it was past 2am when I finally drifted off last night) the doctors in their infinite wisdom have decided to put compression boots on me.  Annoying?  Yes.  Painful?  No.  Odd enough to make it impossible to sleep?  Absolutely.  The most annoying part?  Apparently every time I get up to use the bathroom I'm going to have to be re-hooked up by the nurses.  And I go to the bathroom a lot... part of the joy of drinking ridiculous amounts of water. 

Oh well... just another thing for the little guys.

Another post from Daddy...with PICTURES!!!

Hello to everyone that reads Stacey's blog!! I am Johnny, her husband, and just wanted to thank everyone for the very nice comments you left from the post that Stacey copy and pasted from the blog we had started for the twins. Stacey is stuck in bed at the hospital in Boston so I just wanted to post the newest ultrasound pics of our little guys. I know there are a lot of women who read this blog so try and stay calm because I know the little guys are handsome. (They take after their Daddy) Aaaaanyways, enjoy the pics and thanks again for all the support you have been giving my wife. It means a lot to us!!!

These are the first pictures of the Jamerson twins' faces to be released, so try to keep it quiet so US Weekly, People, and GQ arent all fighting over the rights for them.

26 June 2009

Baby A Profile

Baby A 3D

Baby B Profile

Baby B 3D #1

Baby B 3D #2

Baby B 3D #3

06 July 2009

Baby A and Baby B looking at the top of their heads

As of Tuesday AM no news to report for the week. The babies are still looking very healthy and very strong, and Stacey is resting and doing fine as well. The nifedipine has been doing its job as well because she hasn't been having anymore contractions.

25 weeks 2 days

How far along? 25 weeks 2 days

Total weight gain/loss: No idea... I haven't been weighed in forever.

Maternity clothes? Maternity pjs

Stretch marks? Holy cow they are here.  They are big and pink and they hurt.  Is that normal?  The combo of the ultrasound goo (used 4-5 times a day), rubbing it off, and my sensitive skin is painful.  They're only on the underside though... I can only see them when Johnny takes a picture of me

Sleep: Not enough, but I'm hanging in there.

Best moment this week: Having things calm down after the scare last week.

Movement: They love to kick!  Usually they're really active every other day and 7pm is their play time.

Food cravings: Anything... I'm always hungry!  :)

Gender: 2 boys

Labor Signs: Well, aside from the short, semi-open cervix, I'm doing okay.  Contractions have pretty much ceased and I'm feeling good.

Belly Button in or out? In-between-ie

What I miss: Doing things for myself.  Walking around.

What I am looking forward to: Meeting the babies in a LONG time.  :)

Weekly Wisdom: I don't really have anything.  Do what you're told, I guess.  :)

Milestones: 25 weeks.  We're steroid-ed up.  They're still doing great... it's all pretty important, right?

25 Weeks!

Happy 4th Everyone!!

We made it to 25 weeks!!  We are still contraction free and feeling good.  The babies are still quite the kickers who like to make monitoring a little tricky.  :)  I love these little buggers.  Maybe we'll finally decide on name number 2 sometime soon... :)

That's all for now!!

I have faith

Today I met with a NICU doctor... he just gave me a rundown of what a baby born at 24 weeks would look like in the NICU.  It's a little scary and a lot overwhelming.  I'm almost to 25 weeks though, so that's a comfort as well.  At 24 weeks the odds are 50/50.  Not the greatest, but I really have hope.  He also described all the possible complications... or should I say the regular complications... I guess anything is possible.  

No matter when they are born, there will be at least 4 NICU doctors in the room for each baby to whisk them away and take care of them.  I was a comfort and a little bit of a stress talking to him, but I think it helped me realize even more that these babies aren't being written off.  They have a chance and they have a gang behind them pulling for them ready to help. And the important thing to remember?  Every single day makes a difference.   They're better off than they were yesterday and they'll be even better off tomorrow.  (Especially because of the steroids.)

Other than that... things have been pretty uneventful today.  I got my second steroid shot (ditto on the pain from yesterday) so that will be full strength tomorrow.  I'm still on the blood pressure meds, but no scary super low blood pressure incidents today.  I just learned that I cannot lay on my back during monitoring anymore because I did start to get to a scary pass-out state again.

I have faith.

Question

Maybe someone can answer this ridiculous question for me... I feel silly even asking.  What does a contraction feel like?  I know it's a tightening, but is it higher in the belly or lower in the belly?  Every morning, noon, and night I'm asked over and over if I've had any contractions and I always say "Not that I know of!".  Now I don't think I have had any I can feel... but I have had some odd twinges... but things that remind me more of digestion or pain caused by back pain.  Again... I'm just afraid of missing something!  :)

Steroids are done, blood pressure meds suck, but the three of us are still here, so I can't complain.