Sunday, April 27
That "when" question
"When are you going to start having kids?" and "Do you have any children yet?" are two questions I (as well as many of the people reading this) completely dread. My husband and I got married about a year and a half ago. Not long ago, but as soon as we were engaged in Dec. of 05 the children question started to come up. At first we could genuinely reply that we didn't know or that we were waiting. It was an easy answer. And it wasn't a lie. Then when we DID start trying it became a much more difficult question.
As I've mentioned time and time again, we haven't told anyone that we're trying. Aside from a few friends and coworkers (some who had to know, some who I confided in) no one knows. Our families are (as far as we know) completely in the dark. When I'm bruised or bloated or whatever I hide it with clothing. Therefore, as far as we know, our plight is an unknown for our families and most of our close friends.
But we get the question ALL of the time. I'm a kindergarten teacher and so it's no secret that I love children. I've wanted to have a baby since I was a baby myself. I remember being like 3 or 4 and taking care of my "baby"-- my little brother. So I've always wanted a baby and everyone knows it.
And it was easy to be honest and say that we weren't thinking about kids yet when that was the truth. But since we started trying I've found this question difficult. I can't lie. I can't say "It's too soon, we're not thinking about it." I can't do that because then I feel like we're lying to ourselves or something...
And I can't be elusive ("Oh... you never know...") because this leads John's family to thinking we are pregnant (and actually making bets with each other that we will announce by Christmas or Valentines Day-- I kid you not... money was involved). But like many people... we get this question all the time and I hate it!! I just want to scream at people to mind their own business.
The reason this came up... yesterday I went to a friend's bridal shower. She's a friend of my husband... who became my friend. So I don't know any of her friends and I definitely don't know any of her fiance's family. So I was sitting there at the shower making small talk when the sweet little grandmother asked "So, do you have children yet?" And I was stopped in my tracks. I said "No, not yet" and turned bright red as I gave the excuse that we were "Really busy right now". And then I got the interrogation. How long had I been married, were we thinking of having kids, how many, when did we want to start, etc. etc. She went as far as telling me that the bride and groom to be had already announced that they were going to start trying for the little blessing in October. Meanwhile I'm twisting uncomfortably in my seat. Gah... Looking back I'm not so sure why it bothered me. But it did... I couldn't get out of there fast enough.
Sometimes I think the only way to get this question to stop is to be honest and to say that we ARE trying, hit a speed bump, and that we're working on it. But at the same time I don't want people to act differently around me. So I'm left to deal with THE question...