Wednesday, April 23
Behold! The Human Pin Cushion!
Alas, I know most people going through infertility treatments feel the same way, but I can't help put feel like a human pin cushion. I'm poked and prodded on a regular basis. I was lucky- I hate needles- and I can only ever remember having my blood tested 3 times in my life before I went to see the RE. Each time I had to be poked twice due to tricky veins and one unfortunate encounter where the blood ended up everywhere.
Either way, today, I feel like a pin cushion. I went in for my post-Clomid appointment to see how things were going. I didn't get poked once. Not twice like normal. Not even three times. But four times! Each time I go in I have both arms exposed and they always ask, "Which one would you like?" to which I always respond "Which ever one is easier." They always just kind of ignore this and go for the left arm without looking at both. I think they just think I'm plain indecisive. But no, it's because my veins are tricky and I have grown to know and accept that.
So... we went through the usual ritual today. The first nurse poked my left arm with a regular needle. Moved it around a bit. BFN. Then she poked me on the right arm with a butterfly. Move it around a bit. BFN. At this point she got nervous and called nurse number 2 over. She again did the "Which arm should I use?" routine. Um... how about the one that you can get the blood draw with? That would be fabulous, thanks. So she poked me in the left arm... moved it around a bit. Again, BFN. So, here we are... I'm alone, hating needles, ready to cry. Then they called over nurse number 3. She poked my left arm again, after a tiny bit of moving she had the vein and the blood came out. Yay. This is why I need Johnny there to hold my hand.
So, the ultrasound. I went today to check the progress... to essentially see what the 5 days of Clomid had done. Unfortunately, after the 5 days... being on something like day 12 of the cycle... I only had one on my right over 10mm (it was at 12.5 or 13mm) and two on my left over 10mm (10mm and 11mm). So that was disappointing. That's close to what I had after 50mg of Clomid for 5 days. I was hoping that I would have lots of massive follicles. But nope. So we will see this afternoon when they need me in next to poke and prod me.
Up until this point I've been really optimistic and such, but for some reason today broke me. It's not that I'm not optimistic... I do think that this will happen. But I just got so frustrated. This sucks and I'm sick of it. It's taking a toll on me and I don't like it. I hate spreading my legs for strangers. I hate being poked with needles and having my blood taken. I hate the bruises that always result. I hate feeling gross. I hate this. But, alas, as I have said before, I will do ANYTHING it takes to have a baby. Even this. Even this 10 times over. I just wish I didn't have to...