Wednesday, March 9


As you can imagine, I'm a nervous wreck. I hit 23w2d today.

That day.

Looking back at where I was with the boys makes me so nervous. I was just so naive. I thought everything was perfect and healthy and (insert laughter) until the appointment I had where the shortened cervix was discovered, I thought I would have full-term twins. Like 40 week twins. I didn't think it was possible anything else could happen.

But then everything changed so fast. And this time I went into this pregnancy assuming that everything would be the same. So, being here after my appt on Friday at 22w4d and still to be on my feet and working scares me a bit. I feel like I'm tempting fate.

What bothers me the most is that we don't know how everything happened last time. I went in at 18 weeks and I was fine. At 23 weeks I had less than a cm of cervix left.

Did it happen slowly over those 5 weeks? If it did, then odds are I have time. I was fine at almost 23 weeks so five weeks from then is almost 28 weeks.

But what if it happened quicker? Like over a week or just a few days? Then who knows. I could have been fine a week ago and holding on by a thread now. It's just the uncertainty that is killing me.

Or, like I've said before, there's the chance that nothing will happen this time. That last time really was just a fluke. A random act of chance that wouldn't have normally happened except that I lifted one box barely too heavy or anything.

But I just don't know. So I'm holding my breath until my next high risk appt at 24w4d. And I think I'm keeping my legs crossed too. :)

How far along? 23 weeks 2 days Deep breath... 23w2d.

Total weight gain/loss: More than 20. I have an appointment today, so I might get a more accurate measure. More than 15 less than 20. I think.

Maternity clothes? Always Since 12 weeks or so??

Stretch marks? Still none. 3 on the left now, 2 on the right

Sleep: I love it and cannot wait for school to be OVER so I can sleep in More like sleep deprived.

Best moment this week: Seeing baby kicks. The baby shower last Monday! Being here... and having a cervix measuring around 3.5/4cm on Friday. AND new High Risk Doctor.

Movement: Yes and I love it. It never gets old. All the time.

Food cravings: Mashed potatoes and pizza. Potatoes and ice cream. I made potato skins last night and had ice cream for dessert. :)

Gender: 2 boys Either 2 girls or a boy/girl pair.

Labor Signs: Nope I hope not hope not hope not. I wish I had a camera that could tell me exactly what was going on inside. I'm so nervous it's making me sick.

Belly Button in or out? In-between-ie Mostly out

What I miss: Nothing! Being worry-free? But nothing non-pregnancy related.

What I am looking forward to: Today's appointment and relaxing this summer. All my stress can't be good for the guys! Getting to 28 weeks at least. Or having my doctor say at 38 week "Okay, let's plan your C-section." Can you imagine???

Weekly Wisdom: I've got nothing! Ahhhhh! I need wisdom.

Milestones: Seeing the babies kick, entering the 6th month. I'm here. The babies are here. We're alive. And as far as I know we're all safe for the time being.


Michele said...

I know.... I felt those feelings when pregnant with Alex. Although we lost him as well due to my IC, it helped to know that I am a super quick dilater. My cervix was long and 4+cm on Monday and in the hospital at 2cm dilated on Wednesday. With these guys, after the cerclage at 11w, I was fine at 20w and then membranes bulging through the cerc at 20w5d. It was insane and still gives me a shudder to think about. But, even if you start to dilate quickly, the cerclage can buy you some time to get into the hospital, inverted, etc. Not that we want that for you, but it does help to know that it gives some additional options that werent there without it.

Sending hugs and lots of warm thoughts for full term :)

Jen: Proud Mom of 7 Adopted Miracle Blessings said...

With tears in my eyes, I just want you to know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers-

Your experience completely changed my view of pregnancy with twins as I was just as naive... because you were so open and honest with your blog, I was extra careful with my girls.. for that I will always be grateful...

Connor's short life and memory will always hold a special place in my heart...

I just know this time will be different... you will make it full term... Hugs!!!