Tuesday, November 17
Breast feeding drop out.
And now I admit that I am a failure.
To begin with, my milk supply was lacking because of my less-than-stellar pumping the first week or so after the boys' birth. I already explained those reasons, so I'm not going to go into it more.
But then I was an awesome pumper. (10-12x a day and totally sustained Colby for the first 11 weeks)
Until school started and I had to go back. Once school started I was able to squeeze in pumps at recess (10:15-10:30), lunch (12:00-12:20), and then after school (3:00-3:20). I also had the regular ones at 5pm, 7pm, 9pm, 11pm, 2am, and 5am. So, while I was still fitting in 9 pumps a day, I was having issues with the school pumps because of stress (someone walking in on me?) and lack of time (15 minutes at recess was NOT enough to get set up, pump, and clean up). All this led to a drop off in my production even more.
Then there was the fact that, once Colby became an on-demand feeder at the hospital I missed some of his feeds, or he would want to eat too close to my pumping, etc. So, he didn't get much practice. He couldn't latch on, but he was an expert at the bottle.
And then he came home and I wasn't producing enough to sustain him. I was still pumping, but all feeds were through bottles. And I was having a really hard time finding time to pump in between caring for him and everything else.
So... today I admit that I am a failure. I'm producing maybe 3-4 ounces a day. It's sad and stressful to me, but I think I'm done. For my sanity. It does hurt that this was the ONE thing that I was able to do for awhile, but I've learned that, in the grand scheme of things, this is a small thing. As long as he is healthy (and thank God he is!) then it will all be okay if I don't pump and breast feed.
But next child... I'm all there. :)