Major freak out moments... :)

So, I recently received the following message from a friend in response to my current life situation and the past few crappy months...

"I understand how it can be frustrating to be ready for your life to move on to the next step and feel like you can't force it to go where you want it to be. I find myself looking at rings everytime I get a sales flyer, or going out of my way to drop hints that I think super expensive engagement rings are pointless, or repeating the comment back to Dan every time someone teases me about when are we going to get married.... because I have already decided what my answer will be if/when he asks me, so I just want him to ask already! It kind of spoils special occasions, because instead of enjoying the anticiaption of milestone or events, I keep thinking to myself, is he going to ask when we move in together? how about on my birthday? on our anniversary? on our trip to Mexico in January?"

I didn't respond because I didn't know how to respond. Was she comparing my inability to get pregnant to being proposed to?

I have deleted all the other stuff I had to only say that she called on Saturday night to say that she is engaged. Does that mean it's my turn next? :)

And the other part of why I'm feeling this way may also be that we're edging dangerously close to out 2 year mark and I am FREAKING THE HECK OUT. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think we would get here. But as we're getting ready to say hi to Christmas and to wave in 2009 I have to realize that we ARE here. There is no way we can have good news in 2008. Nadda. And as we head to 2 years, I'm starting to freak out just a little that it won't happen for a long time. I mean, it took almost 2 years to get that first positive. So, what if I have to wait almost another 2 years for the second? I don't think I can do that.

And, as much as I'm anxious to get back to RSC to move on, I haven't been able to make the call. I should have made it a WEEK ago, but I haven't been able to. And I don't know why. It's not helping anything by not calling... but I just haven't been able to. I think it might have to do with the fact that I do not know how many more months I can go and get my hopes up only to be let down.

So, in response to my question way back almost a year ago when I wanted to know if it gets easier, I guess I'd have to say yes it does and no it doesn't. It does because you know what to expect and you know "there's always next month". And now I have my own happy little support group, so that helps a little. But it doesn't because, at least for me, the time has become almost as damaging as the negatives. And, yeah, the one line-ers on the HPTs still really suck too.