My story over again! :)

I've been reading this book "Miracle Birth Stories of Very Premature Babies" while at the hospital.  Obviously it's about premature babies.  :)  The stories are touching and give you hope.  There are also little "where they are" blurbs at the end that make me so happy.  

Anyways, yesterday I came across the perfect story.  It was me... in some way, shape, or form.

It was a story about a couple in their 20's who found out they were having twin boys- Torrey and Derrick.  They were having identical twins, so it's obviously not the exact same thing.  Anyways... the mom went on bed rest because the boys were suffering from Twin to Twin Transfusion.  The doctors decided the babies had to be born.  Born around 27 or 28 weeks (I can't remember) the boys were stabilized, brought to the NICU and seemed to be doing well.  A few days later while the mom was still in the hospital the couple got the call to go to the NICU because Torrey wasn't doing well.  The ended up losing Torrey that day to a brain hemorrhage.  They then decided to devote their time to Derrick.  They spent their first few days in fear that they would lost Derrick too.  It was only after he turned a corner that they realized he would live.

The whole time after having the boys so early the mom was consumed with the feeling that she was cheated out of the pregnancy she wanted so badly.  She couldn't wait to get pregnant again to get her completed, perfect pregnancy she felt that she didn't get.

Now... take out a few of the details such as the boys' names and the TTS and you've got our story.  The same story-- we lost our oldest twin at least in part to a brain hemorrhage, we lived in fear of losing Colby in those early days, and I cannot wait to get pregnant again.  

In part the story, while heartbreaking, helped me to really realize that I am not alone.  I know it logically but it was nice to read it.  I felt like it was me... right down to the feelings of being cheated out of the whole pregnancy and birth experience.  I am so lucky to have what I have, but I can't wait to start this whole thing again!  :)