Start talking about childcare arrangements for after maternity leave. I dare you. It's not stressful because I think I should have all the answers. It's just stressful because I don't want to have to THINK about child care. I want to take care of my babies. I want to be the one home with them every day. I don't want to be leaving them with anyone all day while I'm off at school. I want to be home.
Now, we're buying a house, so this probably isn't all that practical. We need my income and part of me totally gets that. But on the other hand I'm just so sad when I think about leaving the babies after just a few weeks. It's absolutely tearing me up inside. I know we can find people willing to take a day or two of care, but I don't want to shuttle the babies off to 5 different people a week. I want consistency (ME!) and why should they get to spend the whole week with the babies I have worked so hard for and waited so long for while I'm at school? Just typing this is making me sad. And the prospect of dropping the babies off at ungodly hours so I can get to school on time isn't fun either.
I know there are no easy answers. Johnny keeps reminding me that I have summers and vacations off. And I know that's true... but having some time doesn't replace the time that I'd be missing. I don't want to miss milestones. I want to be there. I have wanted to be a mom for longer than I have wanted anything else in my life. I don't want to miss anything. But I feel like I have no choice. Could we make it without me out there? More than likely. Would we have to cut back on everything? Absolutely. But I just don't know what to do.
My mom is a nurse and I've been contemplating taking a class to become a CNA. Do I want to be a CNA? Nooo. And the pay is pretty crappy too, but jobs are there and I could work night hours. Then there would be the prospect of no sleep, but also the prospect of being home every day while Johnny is home at night.
I wish I could just win the lottery.
4 comments:
That scares me too honey!! It will work out!!
I will help! :) I don't know how much help I will be... but I am looking into party planning for a career... and if I like it and it pays enough... I could be working from home a lot...
I know this is not what you want to hear, but I can promise you from personal experience that your children will grow to LOVE going to, and being with, their daycare providers. The absence during the day will make you appreciate them even more, as if that were even possible, but it's true.
If you find the right daycare, then you won't miss any milestones! It's not like a child just starts walking and talking in one day...those steps are weeks in the making and you'll take pictures, videos and scrapbook all those precious memories and your daycare provider will be right there with you. She'll love your kids like an aunt and it will be like she/they are part of your babies' family.
I know it's hard to imagine now, but if you make yourself think of your daycare provider as part of your team/family/village, then it's really just allowing another family member to share in their childhood.
Besides all of that...you are truly blessed to be able to spend all summer and school breaks making even more family memories!
Just an obnoxious question you can ignore at will: Is this the best time to buying a house, esp. if you'd rather stay home with the kids (at least for a while)? Maybe you could postpone that plan, get on a very tight budget, and manage for a year, say, as a SAHM.
I say this because that's our plan. There's no affordable quality daycare option (a contradiction in terms?) for infants in our community, and since this is likely my only shot at raising a baby, I want to take full advantage of it and enjoy it as much as possible.
And on a more pragmatic note: If I did work, I'd be paying the IRS and the daycare center. With nothing left over. This may be an even more salient point with twins.
If you scale back your spending, you'd be amazed how well you can live on one income, at least for a bit.
Post a Comment