School

Words cannot express just how much I am looking forward to school starting. I've thought about it and planned and thought some more. I'm just ready to get through the first few days. The first 2 days are always just a pain. There's no way around it. Kindergartners cry, their parents cry, they decide they don't like their snack, they lose their lunch money, they cry some more... I keep saying that I cannot wait until the whole first month is over. I want all the kids to know all of the routines. I want us to have our schedule. I want to have fun. :)

So I find myself anxiously awaiting the first few days. I want all of the first-day mystery to be gone. :)

That being said, I know I've been spoiled this summer. I just spent the last 2.5 months doing nothing productive. I babysat and tutored a handful of times, but not really enough to constitute saying I was busy this summer. It was a very nice luxury. One I know won't continue next summer (well, unless we miraculously get pregnant this round and then I'll spend the summer with baby. :) I didn't have to wake up, I didn't have to go to bed... i didn't have to do anything. But I'm ready for the real-world again. Living the carefree life was fun while it lasted!

I'm Back!!

I'm back from vacation- though we had a great time, I'm exhausted. We spent a few nights in Fredericksburg VA for my cousin's wedding (which was really nice), a night in Richmond with my other cousin and his wife, a bunch of nights with the hubsters cousins in Falls Church, and then a few nights at a realllly nice hotel in Alexandria. And, though I'm usually a photo-aholic, I actually didn't take a single picture! We went all over, too. I guess the memories will stay in my head!

It was kind of interesting as far as baby stuff goes. Obviously we're in the middle of the 2ww, so there was no drinking at all on my part. It was an open bar at the wedding so everyone else was enjoying that, but I stuck to virgin shirley temples and water. Even though my parents know exactly what's going on, they kept asking if I was going to drink. Um... no.

Then Sunday night we were hanging out with my cousin and his wife (my cousin-in-law?) and my cousin's wife asked the dreaded "Are you thinking about having kids?" question. Honestly, after laying it all on the line with our parents, I wasn't ready to get into it again. But I didn't have a good reaction at all. I just kind of stared off and let the hubby handle it. (Not now... or something like that.) Then the hubby fired back, "How about you guys?" I felt bad that he asked because, well, we HATE that question, but they asked, so I guess he felt entitled. :) But their answer was, "We've been trying, but not doing so good on that one." I was floored! After looking at the hubby I responded, "Yeah, we're actually going through the exact same thing." So it was really nice to have someone to talk to. Someone who understands. Someone I know. Someone who didn't go through it 20 years ago. Ahhh it felt good. :) And my cousin put it well, once you mention what you're going through to people, it's like you get this secret handshake from people. No one (or at least not many people) really comes out and is free with discussing their "issues".

Then... one night, I can't remember which one. I think it was on Tuesday (our anniversary) we were sitting at my hubster's cousin's house and they got a call from his other cousin (the brother of the cousin we were staying with) who lives in NH. He was letting them (his sister and parents-- my husband's aunt and uncle-- who were at the house with us too) that his wife had just miscarried at 10 weeks. Johnny and I didn't know that she was pregnant, but apparently she had told everyone else back on the 4th of July. This is their 3rd 10 week miscarriage-- which we didn't know about either. I can't even imagine. They said that they're going to do some genetic testing, but if it's not meant to be, then they'll just concentrate on being an amazing aunt and uncle to their nieces and nephews.

So, it was just very strange that these things hit so close to home.

The evening that we found out about the miscarriage, we went out with the cousin we were staying with and her husband. Johnny wanted to tell them what we were going through so that he could have their opinion if the other cousin's would be comfortable talking to us because of what was going on. It was seriously the most uncomfortable conversation EVER. I didn't participate in it at all. And the husband of the cousin (I wish there was an easier way to designate everyone) kept saying "Put on some classical music and get a good bottle of wine." and "It's just a fact, some people aren't meant to be parents. There's nothing wrong with it." I wanted to SCREAM. (Side note: He has two of the cutest, sweetest daughters in the world. But he's never around because he's a lawyer and works 100+ hours every week). So, needless to say, that conversation was not helpful at all and just made me extremely mad... and unwilling to open up to anyone else.

Tuesday is the day

So, as usually happens, things have a way of working out. I spent forever worrying about my weekend appointment because of camping, but it all went okay and we made it on time. I have one 18mm follicle on my left. (YES! MY LEFT!!!) I also have 2 smaller follicles... one of the left and one on the right. They're triggering me tonight (or, well, the hubby is technically) and the IUI is scheduled for 9:30am on Tuesday morning. Sooo, although I've been worrying for MONTHS about the possible problems with timing of this cycle, it's all working out. The best part? The IUI is the 5th, so then the 2ww will go until at least the 19th. I don't get back from Virginia until the 16th. I'll be too busy with vacation to worry about the results. Or at least I hope so. :)

Soooo Tuesday then waiting. :) I'm excited and nervous at the same time. As usual...

LIfe

Lately I've been posting a little less about getting pregnant (partially because I've been playing the waiting game for the past 2 weeks) and more about other things. I guess I've started to realize that there is a bit more to my life right now. That I have other things to hang on to. That's kind of a good feeling.

Keeping with that good feeling... today was Get Ready Day at school-- all of next year's K students came in for a half day. And boy are they CUTE. There is one crazy girl who reminded me of a mixture of my 3 worst kids this year. So I bargained with my teaching partner not to have her. 3 parents actually REQUESTED that they have me next year. I have to admit, that made me feel pretty good. :) Just 4 more days with my darlings. I will miss them terribly, but I am ready for the next beginning so that I can correct all of those mistakes I made this year. I'm convinced that if I start off the year more with routines and expectations then I won't be pulling my hair out next June. We'll see though. (Hey, with a little luck I won't be there in June, right? :))

My birthday is coming up (yay!! I was told today that I'm still young enough to be excited about birthdays). Johnny booked 2 nights at a the same hotel we spent out wedding night. :) I'm VERY excited to say the least. School will be out and we will be able to just relax. I really can't wait. And I'm still crossing my fingers and optimistic that we will be there celebrating some fabulous news. :) (Maybe... ?) If not, being with him and relaxing will be enough to keep me content. Like I mentioned, I'm doing really well. :)

Occupying my Mind

For the first day of Spring Vacation I was able to take my mind off of all of this.  I promised myself that I wouldn't waste the beginning of my week, but I found that I did... just like in February.  However, today I made some definite head-ways in getting other stuff done.  I did the IEP assessment I'd been putting off for waayy too long, I printed all of the Guided Reading forms I made, I started my lesson plans for until the end of the year, and I finally wrote my Statement of Purpose for UML.  It always feels good to finally get things done.  :)  I also started looking for summer positions.  I have 2 people interested in having me nanny for the summer.  As always, I'm torn though.  We'll have to see what the summer brings.  :)

On another note, I was talking to my mom today.  My mom told me that my dad found a pregnancy test in my brother and his wife's room.  (They live with my parents due to some not-so-good choices and actions along the way...)  It's a long complicated, messed up story... but if they get pregnant before me I might go crazy.  Absolutely freakin' crazy.  Just the thought of it is making me crazy.  But that's another long story in itself.  So... I guess we'll have to wait and see.  Until then... :)

Vacation!

5 days of clo.mid.  10 pills.  RSC on Wednesday.  I'm not going to waste my vacation waiting around for the doctors like I did in February.  I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but I'm going to make it worth my while!  :)