Goodbye 2009

It's been awhile.  I've been at a loss of what to write.  As much as I'd love to gush that Colby is doing so great and he's so adorable, I don't want to bore people.  I do that enough on the family blog.  :)

I had all the intentions of writing my "Year in Review" to rehash this past year, you know, IVF, and twins and bedrest and premature birth and the boys and death and the NICU and on and on.  But, you already know it... and if you don't you're more than welcome to read back posts.  And if you don't want to know, well, I'm not going to repeat it. 

But I will say that saying goodbye to 2009 was hard.  I was sitting there on the couch with my hubby, two of my brothers, and my brother's girlfriend welcoming in 2010.  (Colby was in bed... as much as I wanted him down with us, the past week has been so busy and overwhelming and the poor boy needs his routine very badly.)  Anyways, as we counted down I suddenly felt this huge weight on my chest as I thought about what saying goodbye to 2009 really meant.

2009 was a year like no other.  

It was the year that realized our dreams, made our struggles worth "it", and filled us with so much love and hope.  It was also a year that then confronted us with pain and agony like we had never imagined.  It was a year that helped Johnny and I to realize just how strong we are, how strong we are together, and how badly we really need one another to hold it all together.  It was a year that we learned to let go and take things as they came.  We realized that things cannot happen how you want and no matter how much you've been through, when the end is important enough, you can get through just about anything.  It was a year that, as my cousins put, was both the greatest and hardest in our lives.

And so, saying goodbye to 2009 was hard.  It was the year of the twins.  It was the year that we officially became parents.  It was the year of Connor and Colby.  And it will be the only year that ever saw Connor here with us.  So, by saying goodbye to 2009 I feel like I'm saying goodbye to a huge part of Connor as well.  2010 and beyond will be Colby's time, but 2009 was the only time we had with our first little boy.  And suffice to say, that's just hard.

And so, it's with a hopeful heart I look forward to 2010.  But I will never forget 2009 and the precious 27 weeks 3 days I had with my Connor.  And I will never forget the joy, pain, heartache, and wonder that accompanied Colby's first months.

I entered 2009 a wanna-be Mommy.  I left 2009 a Mommy of 2 amazing, beautiful little boys.  Little boys that have forever changed me in their own ways and will continue to change me for the better for a long time.