Wednesday, September 30
Two quotes have been ringing in my ears lately. They're totally unrelated, but I can't help but thinking of them often.
The day that Connor passed away, I laid alone in the dark in my hospital room unable to move or think. Things were a blur. Johnny was with our families and I was trying to hold it together in the room. My mom came in at one point with a drink and bagel for me. As I lay there she sat on the end of my bed and simply said "I've said before 'I've had the worst day'-- clearly I wasn't even close." That's the funny things about "worst days"-- you never know you're having it until you have a bad day. And then you can only hope that it IS the worst and you never have to feel any more pain. And, God willing, we have had our worst day.
And more recently-- and more happily-- at my shower this weekend an old friend said simply "You have it all together." I denied it, but thinking about it-- I think she's right. I am so lucky to be where I am right now. SO LUCKY. Things have not always been perfect (that's a huge OBVIOUSLY), but I am so lucky to have the friends and family I have standing beside me. I have the job I always wanted. I have a house and my health and a husband who loves me. I have my sons. I don't go to bed at night wondering how we'll buy food or pay our bills. Somehow along the line we figured things out. Life's not always easy, but things have worked out for us.
Like I said-- totally random and unrelated, but I've been thinking about these for awhile...