Sunday, September 20


I am totally going to regret this tomorrow AM because it is already 10:30 and I have to be up at 5.  But... oh well.

Yesterday marked 2 months for the boys and 36 weeks.  Imagine if I had been 36 weeks pregnant... I would have been huge!  :)  Today is 9 weeks.  Tomorrow is 2 months for Connor.  See?  I mark the days and weeks and months.

Yesterday I had a little baby shower with some of Johnny's family.  (Long story, but that's not the point.)  It was hard to have.  I have been a little uneasy about the baby shower situation.  

I wanted a big one (both families together) originally.  

This was before bed rest when all was right.  Then bed rest happened and I didn't think I would have one until I was home with the babies.  There was joking about having one in the (tiny) Solarium at the hospital, but I never took it seriously.    I figured we would wait until I had the babies and then we were home.  (Months of NICU stay, though I realized could happen, was never a consideration for me.)

Then we had the babies and I let go of all thoughts of baby showers.  I realized then and there-- especially after losing Connor-- that I didn't really need anything.  All I needed were healthy, happy babies.  I didn't care if the bedding matched or if he had the newest clothes or any of that.  We could make due.  All we neede was HIM.

But there was encouragement to have a baby shower, so we are.

Early on I knew that I needed Connor to be included in the shower somehow.  I'm not sure how my mom is going to do it, but I know she had bookmarks made (one with Connor and one with Colby).  It's a small thing, but it helps me a little to know that Connor is included.

So, the shower yesterday was a little hard because there was absolutely no mention or indication that we had had Connor.  I know it's an awkward situation.  No one knows what to do or what to say.  I'm sure Connor was neglected to spare feelings, but it hurt to not see him there at all.  No early pictures, no name, nothing.  It's stupid, but I know it would have meant the world if a card had been written to Colby & Connor or if someone had taken the effort to give us a picture in a frame with Connor along with Colby's present.  He was here and he's real.  

I just want him to be remembered for the amazing little baby he was.  The easy one to monitor at the hospital.  The fiesty kicker.  The one with the hiccups.  My first baby.

Coming up?  An update on the amazing baby Colby.  :)  He's a cutie, doing wonderfully, and has his very own little angel watching over him.  

1 comment:

Michele said...

What a beautiful baby... Colby has his brother watching over him always.

Having our shower was heartbreaking. Our cake had three little angels at the bottom and my MIL made an announcement that the blue/pink elephants were for Bobby and Maya and that the 2 blue and 1 pink angel were for Nicholas, Sophia, and Alexander. I was glad that she made their presences known. But it still hurt so much.