And it's a no

Like I mentioned, I took at HPT on Wednesday I think it was. It was negative, but I still was optimistic that maybe it was too early. I took another one on Saturday because we were going to a Father's Day get-together and I wanted the option to have a drink if I chose. That one was a no as well. I still remained optimistic until this AM when I was bleeding. Uggh. So I went in for the beta anyways. They called and told me what I already knew- negative. So I have to admit, it hurt less this time. But I don't think it's because it's easier. I think it's because I knew already. It still had a little bit of a sting to it, though.

I don't know where I am going next. We haven't figured out the whole insurance thing. My hubby was supposed to talk to the HR person at work weeks ago about their cancellation policy-- as in, can we still pay and use it for an extra month after my coverage starts. He has yet to do this. I'm a little frustrated at him to be honest. He better call today because I need to call RSC to hash out my next step. At this point, maybe it's unfair, but I feel like this Clomid and TI just isn't cutting it. I want to move on to the IUI. I want to feel like I'm doing SOMETHING. But it all depends on the insurance. The specialty pharmacy already called me to fill my new perscription, but I don't know what that is yet.

As excited as I am at the prospect of the IUI and moving forward it hit me yesterday. I'm past the chance of making a baby at home. It's all up to the medical profession now. It's a little sad...

Mad

I don't get upset much. Or at least not really, shaking upset at people I don't know. But I have to say I am right now. I've been following Coming to Terms's Blog for awhile now. She was recently features in a NYT article about infertility. The article itself- I really liked that. Now going back to read people's comments about the article is what has me SO mad...

Some of the comments are so freakin' insensitive and degrading. I can't even believe that people have the audacity to say some of the things they say. If you want to see some of the comments, go here. Especially look at number 8. We're supposed to not want to have children and to be punished because she's not happy with the children so has? (And actually wishes she could go back to a time she didn't have kids???) Some of the comments aren't quite so upsetting and some are downright nice, but as always it's the negative ones that stick in your mind...

LIfe

Lately I've been posting a little less about getting pregnant (partially because I've been playing the waiting game for the past 2 weeks) and more about other things. I guess I've started to realize that there is a bit more to my life right now. That I have other things to hang on to. That's kind of a good feeling.

Keeping with that good feeling... today was Get Ready Day at school-- all of next year's K students came in for a half day. And boy are they CUTE. There is one crazy girl who reminded me of a mixture of my 3 worst kids this year. So I bargained with my teaching partner not to have her. 3 parents actually REQUESTED that they have me next year. I have to admit, that made me feel pretty good. :) Just 4 more days with my darlings. I will miss them terribly, but I am ready for the next beginning so that I can correct all of those mistakes I made this year. I'm convinced that if I start off the year more with routines and expectations then I won't be pulling my hair out next June. We'll see though. (Hey, with a little luck I won't be there in June, right? :))

My birthday is coming up (yay!! I was told today that I'm still young enough to be excited about birthdays). Johnny booked 2 nights at a the same hotel we spent out wedding night. :) I'm VERY excited to say the least. School will be out and we will be able to just relax. I really can't wait. And I'm still crossing my fingers and optimistic that we will be there celebrating some fabulous news. :) (Maybe... ?) If not, being with him and relaxing will be enough to keep me content. Like I mentioned, I'm doing really well. :)

Sitting, waiting, wishing...

Not much new to update. I'm nursing a very painful sunburn from field day yesterday. Woops on that one. My kids were crazy at field day yesterday. It was one of those days I wanted to pull my hair out! We usually stick to a pretty strict schedule during the day, so when we're not on that schedule... watch out! :) Today was another crazy day. They were having such a hard time listening to directions. Oh well, 4 more days with the little dears. :) Heehee... I still have to find out what I'm doing for the summer!

Yesterday was 13 days (or 12?) post the trigger. I had started to feel "weird" again, so I was starting to get a little optimistic (does that ever wear off?). In the AM I felt SO weird... I had a splitting headache, I felt sick, and I was very dizzy. Like I hadn't ever felt before. It went away eventually. As soon as I got home I told Johnny and he immediately started saying "That's it. You're pregnant." I wasn't willing to be so sure. I was trying to explain that it's easier for me to think it's going to be negative rather than get my hopes up. He kind of got annoyed at my pessimism. Oh well...

He made me take a HPT last night. After the anxious wait (I wouldn't let him look at it and I wouldn't look at it either) it was negative. One stinkin' line. Oh well. I'm going to test again on Sunday (the day before my Beta). Maybe yesterday was too soon. (See, that optimism is there... I just try not to show it too much lest people see me upset!)

We're switching to my insurance on July 1st. Kind of throws a monkey-wrench into our next cycle plans. We can't run the present insurance for an IUI when we'll be switching. So we were told we'd have to wait til my new insurance begins to get the approval. But then we were thinking... what is stopping us from just keeping Johnny's insurance for an extra month- like until August-- so that the IUI can be billed to his insurance and we don't have to wait or worry about the change in coverage? Does anyone know? Can you have two insurances running simultaneously? I'm thinking yes because they'll be more than happy to take our money (we'd we paying for 2 insurances at one time), but I don't want to risk anything. I also don't want to wait a month... which would probably turn into September because of the things that we have going on this summer. We'll be out of town a bit.

Ahh welll... the eternal wait. Wish me luck on Monday! :)Wa

Why I love what I do...

Some days the children at school make me want to pull out my hair. They can be crazy and no matter how many times I tell them the directions, some times they don't seem to sink in. We've been following the same routine since September, but some days they can't be bothered to think of the routine. But you know what? I love them to death and love what I do...

I guess the parents realize this because one of the parents wrote an amazing letter to the principal about me. The principal just shared it with me and it really makes me want to cry. A warm fuzzy feeling, really. :) Ahhh I'm content. :) (And I really haven't felt that way in awhile!)

Tell me if this is normal...

My beta is on June 16th. Naturally I wasn't expecting to hear from the good ole docs until after the beta. However, they called me today. I should remind you that I love my RE and all of the nurses that work there. They are the nicest people in the entire world and it's clear that they genuinely want this to work...

Anyways, they called me to update my file. To file the paperwork for next cycle. Yes... I'm 13 days away from the cycle 3 beta and they're planning cycle number 4. A little weird, but maybe it isn't. I'm still new at this. And I appreciate it because it means that they're thinking of me and my "case" even when I'm not there. So, the decision has been passed down from my RE to add IUI to my cycle next time (if there is a next time). (Though, my RE told me back in the day that she didn't think IUI would be helpful with my "case", but I guess times have changed...) So I agreed and that's where we are with that. I also called to schedule an appointment with my RE after this cycle to discuss where we are and where we are going (if that is necessary). So, as always, it feels good to be making progress and head ways. I didn't really do anything, but I kind of feel like I have. :)

I've learned that my contentment with this whole thing varies greatly day to day and week to week. Right now I'm feeling pretty good and confident that we're doing the absolute right thing.

Oh, and my birthday is 12 days after my beta.. so I'm optimistic for the best birthday gift ever.

Sex & the City

I LOVED IT. :)