Tomorrow's the day

I feel like I might be making a bigger deal out of this IUI than I should, but I am very anxious for it! Not for the actual procedure. I've spread-eagled for too many people in the past year to be nervous about the procedure. I'm just anxious for the results... I know they're a long way away, but I am just so freakin' hopeful about this cycle. Cautiously hopeful, but hopeful just the same. I've learned that it really won't be the end of the world if it doesn't work out. I've learned that I still have the best hubby in the world no matter what. I've learned that I have lots of people that really care about me. And I've learned that I have a lot going for me. But...

And we all know where I'd be going with that but, so I'm going to leave it at that. Crossing my fingers and diving in.

If this cycle works out, fantastic. Exactly what I wanted and I'll be thrilled. But if it doesn't... hey, I get to miss some work come September, right? :)

Terrified

I am so incredibly terrified for tomorrow.  I doubt that I will sleep well tonight.

I'm trying to keep optimistic, but I really don't want to go in and find out tomorrow.  Only because that means that it will be another month (at least) if things don't work.  I can take a few days, but another month or more of this?   And as I've said before, I have so much respect and admiration for those who have been through this for years.  I can't take the weeks and months.  Years might kill me.

Optimism aside, I don't feel too positive about this cycle.  The cramps are just too weird... too crampish... too much like a regular cycle.  And it's too eerily similar to last cycle.  Oh well... whining and complaining and worrying definitely isn't going to do anything.  I'll just be happy with the fact that I should know for sure in less than 20 hours.  :)  If nothing else, I will then at least know where to go next.

Uncertainty

So, I go for the Beta on Wednesday- 4 days ish. 

 Last time I was waiting for the Beta back in February (I can't believe it's been so long...) on the Saturday (again, 4ish days before-- I had the test on the Wednesday that week, too) I started to feel really faint cramps and just generally a little "weird".   At the time I was feeling really optimistic because, while a lot of the symptoms could be considered precursors to getting my period, many of them could be symptoms to early pregnancy too.  So obviously I was hoping that it was the latter.  Unfortunately things didn't work out.

Well, today... and a little bit yesterday... I've started to feel "weird" again.  Crampy twinges and whatnot.  I'm just not sure how to feel about them... because of what happened last time.  Like, I don't know if the symptoms that I felt last time were really symptoms of early pregnancy-- and that it just went "wrong" later on, of if the symptoms were just for starting bleeding. 

 So basically all I feel right now is... AHHHH!   Wednesday cannot come fast enough.

On the plus side, the past week and a half has gone pretty quickly- I've managed to stay verrry busy.  I'm just anxious for Wednesday.  I can get blood drawn starting at 6:30am.  Maybe I'll just show up early to make sure I'm number 1... and thus number 1 to be called back in the PM.  :)  Luckily I have school that day.  In February I was on vacation and the wait was UNBEARABLE!!  I sat in bed watching really bad TV and just W-A-I-T-E-D and it took until almost 5pm for them to call which is VERY unusual.  

On the plus side... many of the other blogs I read are going quite well.  I'm very excited for everyone else that I am reading about!!  I'm so happy that things are looking up!!  I'm keeping my fingers crossed for everyone!

...

Have I mentioned I'm terrified as well??

Ahhh

Tomorrow!  Tomorrow!  Tomorrow!!  But who is keeping track??

Sitting, waiting...

It's strange how infertility makes life so much about waiting.  

I consider myself pretty proactive... I try to get things done when they need to be done.  I don't usually stop until things are done.  However, infertility isn't like that.  Or at least not in the same way.  It's blood test... wait.  U/S... wait.  Usually it's only a few days so it's not so bad.  You feel like you're getting things done.  However, this last week has been TORTURE.  Waiting for the past week has been no fun.  I still have another whole week to wait.  I can't wait... and I feel myself getting so excited, anxious, jittery... everything.  I just hope and pray and wish and cross my fingers that it will be positive.  I know that I don't want to have to go through this whole things again... it takes well over 1 month just for one cycle.  

Sooo I continue to wait.  :)