I have to pack a bag??

I am so happy to be home. I'm still having lots of Braxton Hicks, but they're not hurting so I'm not worrying about it. Just watching for blood like a crazy lady. :)

But a thought occurred to be about 1am last night when I was lying awake.

I'm home. I haven't had my babies. The next time I go to the hospital I will probably be having the babies. (Unless I get readmitted after my ATU appointment on Tuesday)

I need to pack a Hospital Bag!

What do I pack?? :) (I find it amusing that the concept is so foreign when I've already had 2 babies!)

I figure I'll pack a bag now and bring it Tuesday and then just keep it handy after. I won't worry about baby clothes until I hit 34+ weeks and even then I might wait and just send Johnny to pick out the Coming Home outfits because that's what we did for Colby.

Bits & Pieces Again

• Today I am 30 weeks 3 days. Awesome! +3 weeks 2 days from the boys' birth.

• I am getting evicted today and going home. I tell you, things change all the time here-- first it was home in a few days, then a week, then a few weeks, and then today. But that's okay... I think. I am nervous, but I know I am going to be nervous whether or not they evict me at 30 weeks or 32 weeks or 38 weeks. SUPER excited for some cuddle time with my bug!!!!

• I went to "Group" today again. I couldn't believe it... there is a mom who has been here for 3 weeks. She's 31 weeks 1 day with twins. She's going stir crazy so the doctor agreed to deliver her at 32 weeks!!!! She said that both babies look great, she's been stable for 4 weeks, but she just asked her doctor. I held my tongue because it's not my business, but really?? Your sanity is really more important than the health of your babes? I was just floored that the doctor would agree. And she was just SO cavalier about the NICU. Okay, rant over. (For now)

• Both babies are still looking great. They're both head down, lodged in there pretty good (they have both dropped and can't really move their heads). They kick like crazy and Baby A gets the hiccups ALL the time. B not so much... but it could also be more positional that I don't feel it.

• Yay for Erin for having the most fabulous IVF cycle ever!!

All done for now. Lunch time and then just waiting for Johnny to show up to get me home. :)

Bits & Pieces

• I finally tried to do some blog list updating. Let me know if I missed you!

• I didn't do a 29 week survey this week because I was tired of always writing the same thing...

• Today monitoring revealed an absurd number of contractions at 2-5 minutes apart consistently. They were more braxton hicks than anything... but enough to make the nurses and doctors nervous. They wanted to do an internal check but I'm too nervous simply because of how things went with the internal-everything looks perfect-you're going home-oh wait, lets have babies 2 days later last time. The doctor was totally understanding... so instead we wait to see if I have pain or if I bleed from the stitch ripping. Now that I write that... it doesn't seem like the greatest alternative!

• I made super cute handprint sheep with Colby. I got the idea from here, but it would have totally been better if I finished them BEFORE Easter so I could have given the Grandparents their prints to display for Easter. I guess I just consider it a success that I finished them with Johnny's help!

• We got Colby a few books, a super cute robot toddler backpack, Buzz & Woody, and a bathtub toy for Easter. I can't wait to hide the eggs in my room tomorrow! I love that little boy more than I can express!

March of Dimes 2011

It's almost time for the March of Dimes: March for Babies in Boston on May 7th!

Last year our team was ranked as the #3 family team in Boston and we raised nearly $10,000 with our 40 team members.

This year our numbers aren't looking as good as we only have about 20 walkers. We are off of our goal, but we are still thrilled to have raised well over $4,000. But of course, we're still looking for donations!!

The strides made by the March of Dimes have directly impacted our family-- as well as countless other babies.

If you would like to donate to Connor & Colby's Crew, please follow the link below!

Remember-- even the smallest donation could mean the difference between a family leaving the hospital with a baby in their arms or a memory box.

(And trust me, no one wants just the memory box.)

To donate, visit http://www.marchforbabies.org/jamersontwins

Weights!

Still hanging out. Still stable. :)

As we draw closer to 30 weeks again the "What should we do?" debate is popping up. Some want another FFN, some want a new length check. We'll see what Dr. K wants on Tuesday. I'm currently funneling right to the stitch (so, again, kudos to Dr. K for pushing for that one over my "High Risk Doc"). As my doctor today said- at least we don't need to wonder if the stitch was necessary.

As much as I want to go home, I'm hesitant because we live so far from the hospital and there aren't any high level NICUs (< 32 weeks) near us. And there's that whole pesky fact that I'm one of those people who didn't know they were in labor until it was too far past the point of stopping it. So, I figure by Tuesday we will have already made it more than 2 weeks... I might push for staying the extra 2 weeks until 32 weeks. (Though I've been told that I won't have to push too hard, given my history.)

That aside... the babies are doing great. Baby A (my left) became Baby A a million years ago because he/she was the presenting baby back in the day. Now that has changed and Baby B is presenting which should make him/her Baby A as he/she would be delivered first. But we're keeping the original A & B designation just so as not to confuse anyone. :)

Both A & B are head down. Baby B is wedged pretty tightly and very low. (Just like Connor- Baby A- was last time). B is curled across the top of my stomach to my left. Then Baby A is spooning right under B with his/her head starting right around my belly button and also curling to my left.

The estimates for weights this week are:

Baby A: 3lbs 3oz

Baby B: 3lbs 2oz

I know these can be off (Colby was estimated as 2lbs 6oz at 26 weeks and a week later he was born at 2lbs 3oz) but it's crazy to think that I might have +6lbs of baby in there!!!

Next on the list is Horizontal Easter. Johnny's bringing eggs to hide here in the room. I got Colby a bath toy, 2 books, & a super cute robot toddler backpack with his name on it. Johnny also got Colby Buzz and Woody from Toy Story (I don't know if I have mentioned on here how obsessed he is with Toy Story). I never did get Colby a basket though! I had planned on ordering one from Pottery Barn Kids with his name on it for him to use every year, but between everything that happened it got pushed to the back and when I thought of it, they were all sold out.

Oh well... next year I'll just order 3. EARLY. :)

Johnny & I : Where We've Come

Despite how annoyed (:oD) I sometimes get with the hubby, he really is an amazing guy.

We met in March of 2004- I can't believe it's been over 7 years! I was a Sophomore in college in Boston, not really looking for anyone. But there he was. :) On April 1, 2004 we decided to make it "official" and we were off and running. :) I had some cutie pictures of us from way back then but they're on my external hard drive and, well, I'm in the hospital. We were young and in love.

We were pretty much inseparable the end of that school year, all summer (1.5 hours apart), and into my Junior year. We spent every weekend together (give or take maybe 1 or 2) and usually 1 or 2 nights a week he would visit me at school.

He was my biggest cheerleader and in spring of 2005 I started applying to Study Abroad in Australia. I'd be gone for almost 4 months, but he encouraged me the entire time.

Another summer and I was ready to jet across the country and across the Pacific. I had to meet my group's plane in LA, so Johnny came with me to LA for a few nights. We stayed in the sketchy-est hotel ever (we obviously didn't know about the "good" and "bad" parts of LA when we booked it), got caught on a bus in the ghetto, Johnny almost got thrown out of LAX for screaming at the gate attendant... but the trip did have some highlights. But soon I was off across the world.

Our last meal together in LA...

I had the most amazing time in Australia, fell in love with the country, and dreamed of going back before I even left. Every day Johnny kept me connected with life back home as he sent me Daily Pictures. Sometimes they were things that reminded him of me and others they were just things (like his overflowing sink of dirty dishes). They always made me smile. (And wish he'd surprise me by jetting across the Pacific to visit!)

In mid-December I began the trek home from Sydney. My family met up with me in LA (they chose a better, less sketchy hotel area!) and we headed for home only to get stranded in Pittsburg due to a blizzard back home. Another night to add to the days apart. Finally the next day, December 10, 2005, on day 109, I landed in Providence and in Johnny's open arms.

A sweet-reunion in the airport

It was good to be back.

We spent the night with my parents and the next day we headed for Johnny's apartment. It was on that night, after 109 days apart, on December 11, 2005, that Johnny got down on one knee and proposed. I said yes (obviously!) and we got ready to begin the rest of our lives. (I have no picture from that night as I wasn't... um, dressed appropriately. Yes, I was wearing clothes though!)

We began planning the wedding- which was a feat in and of itself. We didn't agree on much throughout the whole planning process, but we eventually hammered out the details for our August 12th wedding.

Before our wedding, I graduated BU, got my teaching license, and in June we jetted off, back across the Pacific, this time for Hawaii! Johnny was the Best Man in his friend's wedding so we spent a week- 6 weeks before our wedding!- in paradise. We called it our Pre-Wedding-Honeymoon. After the trip we were down to the wire planning our day.

August 12, 2006 dawned as the MOST PERFECT DAY EVER. It was gorgeous and sunny and perfectly breezy and JUST the day we had hoped for when we gambled and planned and outdoor wedding. We walked through an arbor made by my dad, we were married by Johnny's cousin, we said "I do" in the afternoon breeze, and we danced the night away surrounded by friends and family. It was perfect.

A few days later we left on our mini-honeymoon, this time to Disney. We had a blast strolling through shops, hopping on rides (often cutting lines because of our Mickey & Minnie Wedding Hats!), holding hands down Main Street. We were just at peace.

When we returned we began our life... I started working, he went back to work, we made ends meet, and we had fun when we could. We were content. I would ask about babies- but we decided to wait a bit.

On Christmas Eve 2006 we decided we were ready. The pills went out and well, all that infertility stuff has been immortalized on here enough. It was hard.

THE night we decided we were READY

But we kept it together and never lost sight of why we were doing what we were doing. He held me over negative cycles and the miscarriage. He held my hand through blood draws and ultrasound and tests.

And he was there when Connor & Colby were placed back inside me. He was there through the ups and downs of the pregnancy-- from twins! and boys! to bedrest! and 27 weekers! Was it always happy and did we always get along? Not by a long shot. But he was there through it all.

And July 19, 2009. The day the boys were born he was the happiest I think I have ever seen him. He wore himself out worrying about me and the boys. Trying to be everywhere at once. Everything to everyone. But he did it. All the while he eased by fears that I caused everything to go wrong. He reminded me that it wasn't my fault.

Protecting Baby Colby

Two days later as we were told that Connor wasn't going to make it, he held my hands, squeezed me tight and told me that we would make it through. Me, him, and Colby would stay together. We were strong enough. As Connor took his final breaths Johnny reminded me that WE were strong enough.

The next days and weeks were hard. I didn't know how to deal with everything. I broke down at random times for random reasons. I wanted to jump out a window and run away. I didn't want to live in a place where my baby died and I couldn't do anything about it. I didn't want to face what was before us. But he reminded me that we had to be strong for Colby. He needed us. Johnny needed me. And I needed him. There was a lot of fighting those first few weeks and months. I fought against everything-- I didn't want this to be our reality and Johnny fought hard for US. He could have easily given up in the beginning but he didn't.

And 109 days later on November 5, 2009, we brought our second miracle home. Life wasn't complete... it never would be. But it was ours and it felt... good.

This is pretty much the worst picture ever. I can't figure out why I chose this picture as my "Welcome Home Colby" picture on facebook!

And life has continued to be good. Yes, I would sometimes like a little more help without being asked and I would like him to come home some day and out-of-the-blue give me a back rub or send me upstairs for a nap, but those things don't really matter so much, do they? He loves me... I don't doubt it. I do fight it sometimes, but I don't doubt it.

We're happy.

Deleted

I got rid of what I put up last night because my intention wasn't to make Johnny upset.

But thank you for the reassuring comments. :)

Group and Grandfather

One week... I know because I got my discounted parking tickets today. Well, for Johnny... but under my name. :)

----

Today I went to the Bed Rest Group. It's a group that meets every Thursday morning. The same group met last time I was here, but I never went last time. The timing didn't work and really I just had every excuse possible to not go last time. :)

This time, however, I decided to be brave. I'm not really a "go to group and talk to other people about your issues" kind of person. But I decided to go because I figured I might be able to provide some been-there-done-that perspective. Three of us went-- all three of us have twins. (Though I'm the only non-au-natural twin gal.) One girl is 31 weeks along, shortened cervix, slightly dilated, and has been here seven weeks with a 3.5 year old at home. The other girl is 33.5 weeks along with high blood pressure and has been here for only a few days. She has a 2.5 year old as well.

It was interesting to hear them talking, after having been on the "other side". The 33.5 weeker was suggesting that the 31 weeker ask to be induced as she has been here so long and she's going a bit stir crazy. I tried to keep quiet, but I had to interject about avoiding the NICU if possible. (Though I did rave about the amazing NICU here.)

They were also talking about C-sections and how they both wanted to avoid it if at all possible- even if both babies are not head down. It amazes me to hear that sort of thing-- I guess just from where I was last time we spent the whole time thinking that I would do whatever the doctors said was best. I didn't fight or argue or dispute any decision. Stay on bed rest? Okay. Get steroids? Absolutely. C-section? Cut me open. I guess it's just a different point of thinking. Who knows where I would have been had I gotten a few more weeks...

But they were asking me two questions--- 1. They wanted to know how C-section recovery was for me and 2. They wanted to know how recovery from bed rest was.

And you know what? I had no idea. Doesn't that sound a little crazy?? I can't remember anything about the recovery besides popping some pain pills every now and then. Life was just too crazy with the boys and losing Connor and the funeral and signing on the house...

Now I'm left to wonder what recovery will be like this time around...

-----

Right now the only great-grandparent that is living is my grandfather- Pepere. Right now my aunt and uncle are staying with him as they're a bit nomadic and tend to split their time between Texas, South Carolina, Virginia, and Mass. Anyways....

On Monday my grandfather woke up not feeling too well, so after breakfast he headed back to bed. When he woke up later on, he got up, and on the way he ended up falling on his back and apparently he threw up and aspirated. My mom and uncle rushed him to the ER and he was admitted and diagnosed with pneumonia. So, he spent Monday in the ICU... and then Tuesday it was discovered that he also has the Flu and it's suspected that he had a stroke as well. So, he stayed in the hospital...

Then Wednesday he took a turn and was intubated and restrained. As of today he's still out of it, completely unresponsive and he was headed in for an MRI when I talked to my mom. Ugh.

So, he's still there and things aren't looking good. And it's just so hard to wrap my head around it. He was FINE a few days ago.

I'm dreading any more news. I'm terrified that something will happen in the next few days. If he passes away I'm still stuck here. I'm just feeling so torn.

He's such a homebody and doesn't travel much. He just keeps to himself and that's that. But when we lost Connor he upped and came to the funeral. It was totally unexpected because I couldn't remember the last time he took an hour drive somewhere. But he was there and he was heartbroken. Then a year later we celebrated Colby's 1st birthday and again, over an hour away, totally unexpected, and he was there. He fell head-over-heels in love with Colby. He says silly things all the time like "I love the way Colby runs." and "Colby is built so well!"

Oh well, I guess I don't know where I'm going with this. But it's in the back of my mind...

28w2d

I have the belly picture to put up from today (it's a tad ridiculous looking!!) but I haven't uploaded the picture yet. :)

How far along? 28 weeks 2 days

Total weight gain/loss: +30ish

Maternity clothes? Only the big comfy ones

Stretch marks? Uh huh.... hard to escape with twins!

Sleep: Usually from midnight to about 6:30... and sometimes an afternoon nap

Best moment this week: Any time I get to see Colby

Movement: Pretty constant- especially during monitoring and doppler times.

Food cravings: I really wanted a Snickers yesterday. :) Other than that... I'm hungry, but I have no snacks or anything here.

Gender: I'm thinking boy and girl still... I'm so excited to find out in a few months!

Labor Signs: Laying around has caused the Braxton Hicks diminish a bit. Now I just deal with the pesky cervix.

Belly Button in or out? Out and getting flatter

What I miss: Bring home with the Buggy Boy

What I am looking forward to: 30 weeks. Then 32 weeks... and on and on!

Weekly Wisdom: Take it easy

Milestones: We hit 28 weeks on Monday!!!

Bedrest Day 6

For the first time, the doctors seem to be at a consensus! I have heard a few more times that I am going to be here until 30 weeks at least. That's right until after Easter which is a bummer, but we're making it. I just can't figure out how I kept myself entertained last time... boredom has set in BIG time. Plus, being further along and having gained more weight this time-- my back is always hurting. They need more comfy beds here. :)

Not much else to update. As the babes toss and turn and swim and spin I'm having a good time trying to guess if I'm looking at butts or heads as they protrude. These babes are HUGE movers and shakers. (Just like the boys were!) Monitoring is always a little difficult because they are literally trying to kick off the sensors (I think!).

This got completely interrupted by a visit from my parents, Johnny, and the Buggo so I'll just end this and publish!

Still here for awhile...

Ah so the controversy continues! Haha.

This AM Dr. R decided that she wanted me out ASAP. So she ordered another length check in the ATU to see where we are at. Blah- why did she have to be here? The other doctor I love-- I learned they call him Dr. Bill (Dr. B) though he has a really long last name-- was there so that makes me feel better every time. The length check yielded about a .8cm change. Measurements ranged from 1.2cm to .8cm depending on where they decided the line was. So, it was decided that I am staying here. Insert heartbreak (Colby!) and peace of mind all at the same time.

It was fun though (sarcastic)... Dr. B was talking to me about babies and how many we want. His wife is pregnant with their second child and his first son is 7 days older than Colby and he always remembers this. We were talking about how much fun the little stage is when Dr. R came in and Dr. B made some comment about Colby at home. Dr. R jumped in with "Don't you have twins at home right now, too?" Dr. B's face fell an I had to remind her again that we lost Connor. Seriously????!!! I saw her 4 days ago!

So I came back up to my room for monitoring and Dr. K stopped in to talk to me. He made it blatantly clear that HE has the final decision about where I go and when and that made me feel a million times better. His thinking is 2 more weeks and then repeat the length check and decide from there. Odds are I'll be here until 32 weeks-- if we get that far-- before he seriously considers sending me home.

So it's hard, but I'm feeling better.

OH and I learned that Dr. K never wanted me to have the FFN because while they're good predictors of preterm labor, preterm labor isn't my issue. Instead, cervical incompetence is my issue, SO the FFN can easily come back negative and mean nothing. The bag of water is dying to get out and little fibers aren't going to do anything about that.

Still clueless!

Dr. K popped in to see me yesterday evening. He was here on a delivery and decided to pop in because he heard I had been admitted. Maybe this is normal practice for "good" doctors, but I haven't had a good one yet so I was thrilled to see him!

Basically his judgement is that, without the stitch, I would have already gone into labor and had these babies. Baby A's water is right at the stitch and itching to pop out, so yay for the cerclage that Ms. High Risk (Dr. R) told me not to get. :)

Dr. K is leaning toward keeping me here longer term like some of the other doctors.

Today Dr. K wasn't here, but I did meet with another Dr. K who is leaning toward this week and sending me home. See? I have no idea what's going on! They did the FFN today and it came back negative which makes me happy... but I still don't know where I am headed.

Tomorrow my Dr. K will be here again so I'm really hoping to get some definite answers. After all, he's the one who makes the decisions on my care, right? Right? (I'm really asking because I don't know!)

Still contraction free... "irritable" at times, but I don't even know what that means.

Basically, I still know a whole lot of nothing. But I am loving my nurses and knowing that there are people around here who really have my back.

OH AND HUGE CELEBRATION!!!

28 WEEKS TODAY!!!

At the most, I am 10 weeks away from meeting my babies!!!

32?

Just a quick update...

The newest suggestion by the doctor covering for Dr. K is that I stay here until at least 32 weeks. (Though I am quite aware that plans change quickly around here!) I'm not arguing because I want these babies as healthy as possible and there is a great deal of peace-of-mind that comes from monitoring and checks and such.

But I am devastated. I'm missing Colby and feeling like I did this to us. Not just being here where we are... but I pushed for the two embryos. I'm putting lives in jeopardy and it's killing me. I just want these two here as heathy as possible.

And just to clarify... I did make the transition from Dr. R a while ago. Dr. R was my high risk doctor down the road at a satellite office. I was not loving her and she needed me to schedule my appt. at the ATU at BI one Friday because she had to hold office hours there as part of her rotation. As luck would have it, she cancelled her hours at the ATU and another doctor saw me that day and I quickly fell in love with everyone at the ATU, so I checked with Dr. K (my regular OB whom I love) and he told me to keep going to the ATU if I was more comfortable. So I have been going there for probably 2 months? All without ever having contact with Dr. R. It was just by chance that she was covering the ATU again on Friday when I was there for my biweekly appointment. So I don't see her regularly and do not consider her my high risk doctor anymore.

I did vent to Dr. K's covering doctor today that Dr. R was acting as if 28 weeks is "no big deal" and she thought that was ridiculous. (Thus her wanting me to be here for longer.) I told her I felt better knowing that someone agreed with the seriousness of the situation. So we'll see...

High Risk Appt

Yesterday we had another high risk at the ATU. One of the doctors (fellows?) I really like was there but so was Dr. R which I wasn't too thrilled about. The fellow did the ultrasound and both babies were ridiculously active as always. It just doesn't get old, does it?? It was just so bizarre to me to think that we were watching them INSIDE at 27w4d. At this time I was watching over Colby on the outside. So weird! We got to watch practice breaths and we never got these last time. :)

But the check also showed a shortened cervix. So, after a discussion with Dr. R (ugh!) I was sent up to traige to be admitted for steroids and to be watched for a few days. As far as I know I'm only going to be here until Monday when I hit 28 weeks. But it's always in the air, right?

Dr. R was driving me crazy as usual-- once again she wanted to know why we were being monitored so closely. Seriously, you can't read a file? Or remember? I've met about 15 doctors/nurses/residents already in my 24 hours and they all knew the situation about my boys before and what's happening now. And I've only met them ONCE.

The other thing that peeved me was she was going on and on about how we're 28 weeks on Monday and then we can stop worrying. So in her opinion it's not a big deal to be monitored closely or do bedrest. And yes, I know that a 28 week baby is MUCH better than 24 or 27 or anywhere in between. But please don't tell me that 28 weeks means that you're out of the woods. I was talking to a neonatologist today, and yes, 28 weeks does decrease the chance of eye disease and brain bleeds, etc. But they're not eliminated and then there is still the huge issue of breathing. Yes, I am SO happy to have gotten here, but it's not good enough. And I feel like Dr. R wants to wipe her hands of me and my babies just because we're 28 weeks. I'm okay with that as long as I get another awesome doctor (Dr. K!) but I just couldn't believe that she was so cavalier about hitting 28 weeks.

But the short of it is that I'm here and missing my Bug like crazy. He came and visited for several hours today (and did amazingly!) It's not the same as cuddling him to sleep though...

27 w 3 d

How far along? 27 weeks 3 days

Total weight gain/loss: +30ish

Maternity clothes? Yes

Stretch marks? Yes- lots and I'm sure there are a bunch I can't even see.

Sleep: Usually about 7 hours

Best moment this week: Being here!

Movement: Lots

Food cravings: Nothing

Gender: 1 of each

Labor Signs: Lots of Braxton Hicks contractions... I'm praying that the check on Friday shows that they haven't done anything...

Belly Button in or out? Out

What I miss: Not being in intense pain 24/7

What I am looking forward to: Watching the weeks tick away

Weekly Wisdom:

Milestones: Making it past 27w1d and 27w3d. We are further along than we were when we had the babes and when we lost Connor.

Colby and Babies

Colby

I don't think I talk about how much I love this little guy. Every day he continues to melt my heart. The past two weeks off have been exhausting (he's a busy guy!) but absolutely amazing. I have loved being with him nonstop.

I am awful at posting pictures and info about Colby on here because I also have 2 family blogs that I do that on... so please visit www.thejamersontwins.blogspot.com (updated belly pics, info about Colby, Colby's words, etc.) or www.365daysofcolby.blogspot.com (daily pictures of Colby since his 1st birthday) to see more of the cutie!

Talking

He is so verbal. I've been trying to track his words on our family blog, but it's so difficult because every day he's adding a list of words. He repeats everything and he also consistently uses well over 100 words correctly. He's been stringing 2 and 3 word sentences together lately. He's learning to say "Bove oo" with some prompting (Love you) but right now my favorites are "Dank oo Mama" and "Welcome Mama". The way he says it- unprompted- just melts my heart.

Cuddle Bug

He's a cuddle monster still. He loves to give "Monkey Hugs" (as I call them) when he wraps his arms and legs around you and just squeezes. I live for those. He'll give kisses and hugs all the time now. Mwah! We cuddle every night with a blanket and a stack of books before bed. It's just such a peaceful time of day that I love. I still rock and cuddle him to sleep. It's definitely more work than having him go to sleep on his own, but I love knowing that he feels so safe and secure and I'm acutely aware of the fact that we'll never get this time back, so I'm okay with it.

Sleep

Speaking of night time... we're in a bit of a co-sleeping mode right now. I've always liked the idea of co-sleeping, but with him being such a preemie and me being deathly afraid of SIDS I wouldn't try it early on. He slept in a pack 'n play next to our bed until he was about 7 months old and then we moved him to his crib. He still woke up a lot and I'd rock him and give him a bottle and put him back down as many times as necessary throughout the night... sometimes once, sometimes 4 or 5 times. Then I headed back to work around 9 months and around 10 months it was too much. I was too tired, so I started bringing him into bed with us after he woke up. It was still exhausting because I still rocked him asleep before hopping into bed, but it was better. Then throughout the summer he slept pretty well in his crib all night by himself. If he woke up, I'd go in, pick him up and get him back to sleep in his crib. He was only waking up 1-2 times so it wasn't too bad and I was keeping my sanity.

Then in January I had the stitch put in and my activity was limited a bit. It got to the point where I couldn't physically handle picking Colby up and bending in his crib, so I started bringing him to bed with us again. He'd cuddle up to be every night and sleep so peacefully. I love it. He starts every night in his crib (so I can get a few hours of work done after he's asleep) and then he ends up in our bed whenever he wakes up. I've been asked if I'm worried I'm setting him up for bad sleep habits in the future, but I'm really not worried. But I'll leave that at that. :)

Daycare

So, we had the daycare issues a few weeks ago. We haven't heard from K since about the money, so I think it has pretty much blown over. I noticed a few days ago, though, that the "Daycare Craziness" post had 3 new comments. They were all from within 3 or so hours on March 28th and from anonymous. If you didn't see them, the gist of them was that I was a liar, that K (daycare lady) could press charges against me for writing about the incident, that a corporate daycare would be absolutely awful for my child, and that daycare lady was providing the best care possible so I should get my facts straight.

At first I was a bit upset by the comments because they were a bit unkind (to say the least)... but after thinking about them I'm really thinking that they were either all written by K or K & a few friends she might have complained to. (I also only now realized that you can find this place by simply searching my emal, which she has) It seemed too odd that they'd be so close together, all on the same day, a week after the incident occurred. I was going to post a response to the comments, but I decided it wasn't worth it. I know that we took Colby out of K's care because she took him away at pick up without contacting anyone (who does that????) and in a non-rear facing carseat because she was in a "rush" (he's too small still for the forward facing & please do not put my child's safety in jeopardy because you're late).

I wonder sometimes if I'm too cautious and overprotective because of what we went through with Colby and Connor. Maybe I am... but I feel like that's my right- especially when I'm paying someone to care for my child. But the whole incident has helped to foster a list of questions to look into for the next place. We have found a few candidates... none of which take daily trips to the park or Toys R Us or a son's doctors appointment. :)

Babies 3 & 4

Nearing 27w1d

I'm in such a weird place with this pregnancy. It has gone SO fast I can't believe it. Today is 26 weeks 5 days. Since I got to 23w2d- the point I went on bedrest last time- I've kind of felt invincible. Like both babies are definitely coming home. And I'm going to go full term. But at the same time I have been waiting for the other shoe to drop. So, as I approach 27w1d on Tuesday (aka D-Day for the boys) I feel like that's the biggest milestone of all. It's almost like if I get past that point I'm sure that both babies will live.

Contractions

But I've also been having increasing Braxton Hicks contractions. I didn't have any with the boys that I knew of but they're so evident now. If I do anything more than lay on the couch like a potato I seem to have them. It's so frustrating. I go back to Dr. K on Monday so we'll talk about that. (I'm already drinking gallons of water!)

Getting Ready

We haven't done anything to get ready for the babies, but we have to get a move on. I've been waiting for the miraculous "It's okay" day, but I know that won't ever really come until they're born and home with us. But we need to do some things. We're getting mini-cribs for the twins this time- they'll convert into twin beds when they are bigger. The babies will be in our room for now and when they're sleeping a little better we'll move rooms and they'll share with Colby. It's a cramped space we share, but we have to stay here for 3 years because we got the First Time Home Buyers Tax Credit last year and we don't really feel like paying it back. :)

And since we don't know if we're having boys/girls/one of each, I feel like I can't do too much more. :) I want to pull down the bins we have of toys and blankets to get those ready, but I'm not sure I want to pull down the bins of newborn clothing just yet. But I probably should because odds are there is a boy in there, right?

I know there is more I wanted to write about... but I can't think of it.

Pop by Erin's to send positive thoughts for her upcoming IVF cycle. She's been though a lot the past few months... and Trevor NEEDS to be a big brother.