7/21/09-7/21/10

We've made it.

We've hit the milestone- one year since we lost Connor.

While I would have liked to wallow in bed all day, Colby kept me on my toes. He's standing and cruising around, so we have to watch him like a hawk.

I guess that's better than wallowing in bed.

The day itself was okay- pretty typical of a day around here. What I didn't expect, though, was to be knocked off my feet every now and then at random times. The most random things would send me back to that day and I would be overcome with the reality of the past year. I remembered the feeling of Connor gripping my fingers, the voice of the doctor as she told us that there was nothing else to do, the weight of his tiny body in my arms, the agony of handing him off to the nurses for the last time, the emptiness of laying in my bed just staring...

The day that Connor died I sat holding him and my dad sat next to me. With a tear in his eye, my dad said "I wish you didn't have to go through this. I'm supposed to be the one to protect you from things like this..." and the only response I could muster was "It sucks."

And that sums it all up. It just sucks.

It hurts and it sucks. I can't think of anything else to say...

I wish that we had other pictures of the two of them together...