We just got the heartbreaking results- negative. I was trying to be really cautious... optimistic, but not relying on positive results. But it hit me really hard. I don't know how people can stand going through this time and time again unless it gets a little easier each time.
I had kind of convinced myself toward the end that I was pregnant.... but alas I'm not. So after a little cry (and Johnny being awesome for once), I'm moving on. We'll start the next round of treatment with Day 1. Hopefully this time things work in our favor. I know that eventually things will work, but it's hard when they don't. Especially when it's so hard to see the reason. But I believe it will all work out. Probably for the best... I can't just sit around waiting for it, I have to take control. :)
And I have to stop watching baby shows. All of this "We decided on Friday to have a baby and on Saturday we were pregnant with twins!" just isn't working for me anymore... :)
I think the hardest part for me isn't the not getting pregnant part... it's knowing that each month pushes us behind and makes it harder for us to have four kids. I'm just praying that we don't have to delve so deeply into this (financially and time-wise) that it makes it difficult to have the four kids that we want. All I can think sometimes is "Why can't this be easy?"... but then I remember that all things work out in the end. :) And happen for a reason...
So we wait...
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