Wednesday, December 8

Two Questions Answered :)

I love reading new comments from people who haven't posted bofore. :) I got asked a good question, so I thought I'd answer it.

Stacey asked why I decided to try again so soon after having the boys. It's an interesting questions because there are actually a few reasons.

1. It took us 2+ years to get pregnant. Not very long in the scheme of IVF and infertility, but a long time for us. At least it felt that way. I wan't really willing to take chances that it would take a really long time again. I figured, get started as soon as possible (Colby was exactly 6 weeks when we started trying again!) and that would give us the best chance of it happening again. As it turns out it still took us well over a year, but I'm glad that we got started early.

2. I want to have a lot of kids... at least 4 or 5. Living. It's weird that I have to clarify that, but I already have 2 kids technically, but I'm only getting to parent one. I want to have a house full of kids. I have 3 brothers and I loved having poeple around constantly. I want that and to do that, because of number 1, I had to start soon I felt.

3. I want kids young. I started trying to get pregnant when I was 22. I wanted to be done with having kids by the time I was 30. So... you can see that if I wanted the 4 or 5 from answer 2 and I've dealt with the timing from answer 1... well, that means I needed to get started right away.

4. Colby is so incredibly amazing. He is perfect in every way possible... he made it SO easy to want another- and SOON! We know that we're probably going to end up with the complete opposite... a fussy baby who never sleeps and cries and is not easy going, but we were willing to risk it! :)

5. This answer I'm a little embarrassed about. But having the boys at 27 weeks and losing Connor, well, I felt jipped. I missed the perfect pregnancy, the happiness of birth (we recieved very few congrats when the boys were born... it was just too scary for everyone)... I couldn't even breastfeed like I wanted... I just wanted to experience it. And also... I knew in my heart I was supposed to be caring for 2 babies. Instead I was saying goodbye to one and watching from afar while nurses adjusted monitors and wires on my other son. (I can't even begin to articulate how horrible, scary, and sad this time in my life was. I don't think I even completely comprehended it at the time, but now I just look back and can't believe what happened back then.) I immediately longed to do it again. Now, I know having twins again pretty much negates any possibility for a perfect pregnancy or even a perfect birth at 40 weeks, but I'm hoping I won't feel cheated out of a child. I feel ridiculous for saying that because Colby is SO amazing and we were SO LUCKY to have Connor with us for the time we did. But I just needed to try again... for my own healing (I hope-- because I don't think I can survive another loss like we had...).



Sarah mentioned another teacher who still works from a wheelchair after a preterm scare.

I just know that I could never do that.

The first time around I didn't have a choice. It was "strict bedrest, then to the hospital with you once you hit 24 weeks". There was no "but, what if...?"

But I also know that, if I was given the chance of going back in a wheelchair, I would not take it. I wouldn't be able to concentrate and it wouldn't be fair to me, my babies, or my class.

Bedrest is hard. I know that sounds silly to people who haven't been on bedrest, but it is hard. Despite the boredom and the isolation, you question every twinge, pain, flutter, cramp. EVERYTHING. Every day I was questioning EVERYTHING. I didn't know what was important and what wasn't. (Which was ultimately my deminse because I was in LABOR FOR 12 HOURS WITHOUT KNOWING IT because I thought I had a simple BACKACHE.)

But it is so worth it. If being in bed... 23.5 hours a day, every day for 4 weeks is what kept my babies inside of me those extra 4 weeks, then I will do it again in a heartbeat.

3 comments:

Leah said...

I'm so excited for you! Thanks so much for answering questions!

I have question cause I'm a little confused. . . Did you say you tried for another child when Colby was 6 weeks old? Did you have to do a few IVFs before this one took, or is this the first IVF after having Colby and Connor.

Jen: Proud Mom of 7 Adopted Miracle Blessings said...

Hello Sweetie- Please, please, please DO NOT be embarrassed about ANYTHING!!!

I have followed you since both boys were still inside of you and have read every word of the HELL on Earth you have been through-

I hope you do not feel guilt about any of your choices- returning to work in a wheelchair is insane if you are supposed to be off your feet for pregnancy reasons- I was a 1st grade teacher before my sons were adopted- just not far to anyone- especially your precious cargo- who should come 1st and foremost- there are so many qualified teachers who could and want to do long term sub positions-

I know exactly how you feel about wanting to get pregnant asap- I just know you will be bringing home 2 healthy babies this time...

Couldn't help but throw in my two cents as a HUGE supporter of Stacey and all 4 of her children!!!

Hugs!!!

iamstacey said...

Thanks, Stacey! I didn't even know we could start trying again that soon! I want to have at least two, and it took us 3 1/2 years, so I want to start again right away, too. Hopefully this time the RE and us have figured out enough of the process that we'll be a little ahead. I'm hoping!
And no apologies! Just because in your heart you were ready for two, and still long for two, doesn't mean you love the one you have in your arms any less! I'm so sorry for all you've been through.