21 weeks 2 days

How far along? 21 weeks 2 days 21 weeks 2 days!

Total weight gain/loss: I'm going to round up to a good even 20. I think it's a little less, but it fluctuates so much that it's not even worth trying to be accurate! I think it's around 15, but I'm not sure. And I don't really even care.

Maternity clothes? Always Always, but I have to figure that out soon because I'm being left with huge red lines on my belly from my pants...

Stretch marks? Still none. Which freaks me out a little... do certain people just not get stretch marks? The same 3 or 4 I mentioned before.

Sleep: The past two nights have been the best sleep in forever and I don't know why. Not the greatest. I don't get enough, Colby wakes me up a lot, I toss and turn alot (and usually wake up because I'm on my back and can't properly breathe), and waking up is excruciating torture because it hurts so much to first walk out of bed. BUT, WORTH IT. :)

Best moment this week: Last night when Johnny felt one of the babies kick for the first time! The look on his face was priceless!! Just the fact that the babies are still growing well and we're still here.

Movement: Yes! Yes! Yes! :) LOVE it. I was up til midnight last night just keeping my hand on my stomach feeling the babies play! Yes! I have one anterior placenta and one posterior placenta so sometimes it can be a bit harder to feel the movement, but I'm feeling a lot lower down near where my incision was as well as up in the very top, middle of my belly. Occasionally there are other kicks, but not as often. Most active times are around 4pm and 10pm.

Food cravings: Mashed potatoes! Ice cream and baked potatoes. Baked potato ice cream? :)

Gender: 2 boys 2 girls...

Labor Signs: Nope No

Belly Button in or out? It's not fully out, but it's out enough that you can see it through my clothes. Mostly out, but I think it freaks Colby out a little because any time I show him my belly he sticks his finger in my belly button and pushes as much as he can to get it to go back in.

What I miss: Nothing! Nothing

What I am looking forward to: More kicks! More kicks! :) And of course when these guys arrive! Kicks, finding a new high risk doctor, making it to 28 weeks...

Weekly Wisdom: I've got nothing! If your doctor is a dunce, find a new one! :)

Milestones: Johnny feeling that baby kick! :) Ahhh, bliss. Nothing really new this week...

Ugh High Risk

We had another high risk check on Friday. A few things before I go into it...

(1) babies are still looking fabulous

(2) I'm still checking out okay and

(3) we cannot wait until Tuesday when my OB is open again so we can start trying to find a new high risk doctor.

So, I went to the appointment alone because Johnny just switched positions in his company this week and taking time off already would have been a bit much. And Colby doesn't do well in the 1+ hour of Boston traffic on the way home (who can blame him?).

I was told 2 weeks ago that this week's check would be really quick- just a quick u/s to see the babies, a cervical check, and then I'd be out. No measurements or anything that would take awhile. So I was a bit surprised when I went in and the assistant (I'm not quite sure what she is) started doing a lonnnnnng ultrasound on the babies. Apparently Dr. R needed some more images of the hearts and stomachs and spines. I didn't mind the ultrasound (who doesn't like looking at wiggly babies!?!?) but it was loooonnnng and I cannot lay on my back for long without (1) excruciating pain in my hip or lower abdomen (I still have a HUGE right ovary because they never drained the follicles at the IVF and they've turned into cysts that are hanging around) or (2) feeling light headed and like I'm going to pass out. Both happened and I had to stop the ultrasound a few times. The assistant as well as the Resident and the Med Student (I've become a bit of a spectator sport at the high risk practice the last few times...) were all very nice about this.

This, of course, made the ultrasound take an extra loooong lonnng time. Which prompted Dr. R to come in and see what was happening. The assistant explained that the images were taking awhile to take because the babies were face to the back (or something) but that she could see all the parts necessary and that I wasn't feeling too hot, so she thought that the ultrasound should finish up. Dr. R sends the assistant to another room because there was another patient waiting (making me feel like it was my fault that it was taking so long) and then declares that she needs those images. And takes another 20 minutes to get them. Seriously trying not to pass out. I made her stop once and she wasn't happy.

Then she declares everything beautiful! And perfect! And wonderful!

And I've heard this before.

Then she proceeds to tell me she'll see me in a month. And of course I point out that I need the length check because that's why I'm here. And she just doesn't get it. "Why are we checking at 20 weeks? We don't usually do that..." But she relents and goes to get the probe from another room and I lay there and explain to the resident about the boys and preterm labor and preventing it and all that good stuff. Dr. R returns probe-less-- because it's in the room already and she's just a dunce apparently.

So, she starts trying to get the measurement and says "You don't have a stitch, do you?" Um... yes, yes I do. And then she can't find my cervix AGAIN. Seriously??!! By now I'm kind of annoyed and frustrated. And she locates the stitch which "Is kind of sideways... but that's okay." And I ask what that means and she says "Oh, it just means it moved a little, that's it." What???

So, she proceeds to kind of guess where the cervix begins and ends and the measurement is between 3.5cm and 2.5cm depending on where she takes it from. Of course I'm nervous because that's between .5 and 1.5 shorter than 2 weeks ago. "But that's normal."

So, she finishes up and says "So I'll see you in a month." But I've already got an appointment scheduled for 2 weeks, so she asks again "Why are we measuring you so often if you're normal?"

So, for her benefit, because I'm so sick of this I explain that

I was normal at 18 weeks last time

and at 23 weeks my cervix was down to less than 1cm

and I was on bedrest for a month

and my boys were born at 27 weeks

and one of my boys never made it home from the hospital.

So that is why I'm here.

It's certainly not because I like you.

So, she agreed to the appointment and I left completely defeated and overwhelmed. I called Johnny on the verge of tears. Because this high risk doctor, who is supposed to make me feel so safe is making me feel like "if I lose my babies, then I lose my babies". She has never asked how I was feeling. She doesn't even read my chart before I get there. Because wouldn't you think if you're working in a place for high risk pregnancies you would want to know what is going on?

Even the Dreaded Dr. C from last time did that. He knew who I was and what we were watching for. He just sucked at the end, Dr. R has blown from the beginning.

So I cannot stay there much longer.

I need someone proactive.

I need someone who understands why I'm there.

I need someone who understands where I've come from.

I need someone who wants my babies to live as much as I do.

Maybe lightning won't strike twice and maybe I don't have anything to worry about. But I'm not really willing to take that chance.

20 Weeks

20 Weeks 2 Days - Feb 16, 2011

How far along? 20 weeks 2 days

Total weight gain/loss: About 16-18lbs. It sounds like a lot... but I am half way. Maybe it's not so bad? :) Still only about 10-15? I think. I don't think it's near 18 like it was last time though.

Maternity clothes? Always Always, but my pants are already too tight. I hate the under belly pants because the roll too.

Stretch marks? Nope Sadly... I have 2 little ones on the left and 1 little one on the right.

Sleep: I still miss it. I feel like I don't have time to stop between school and my classes and everything else. Not enough... but it's my own fault because I spend time doing things like this instead of sleeping.

Best moment this week: There have been lots of little movements lately. :) No kicks, but enough that they make me smile every time I feel them! Movement!!!

Movement: Little bits, but I can't wait for the big kicks that other people can feel, too! Yup, and I can feel it on the outside too which is awesome. :)

Food cravings: Nothing notable this week. Still baked potatoes

Gender: 2 boys Two girls...

Labor Signs: Nope Nothing... but I'm awaiting the dreaded cervical check on Friday. *fingers crossed*

Belly Button in or out? Can you believe that it still is in-between? Just decide already!! Mostly flat

What I miss: Nothing! Nothing really, I love where I am.

What I am looking forward to: Only 16 days left of school!!! :) Friday's appointment and hearing the words that everything is perfect. And Winter vacation next week!

Weekly Wisdom: I've got nothing! Nothing

Milestones: I'm over half way!!!! :) Over half way, more movement... making it this far?

Half Way

20 Weeks pregnant today.

1/2 way to full term!

4 weeks from "viability"-- though I've learned that doesn't really mean too much.

50 days away from 27w1d.

I am getting more and more nervous by the second.

Check on Friday... I'm hoping all is looking good.

Good Thoughts Needed!

The friends I mentioned last post ended up having their tiny baby boy Tyler yesterday at 28 weeks 4 days! He's only 2lbs 2oz, but he's super cute and doing well in the NICU! Please keep him, Stacy, and BJ in your thoughts! They have a long road ahead of them, but I hope it's quick and uneventful!

19 weeks 2 days

There are some days that I just wonder if anyone ever has easy, happy pregnancies from start to finish. I know i've said it before and it has a told to do with the internet world I float in, but seriously. A friend who is about 9 weeks ahead of me, so I think she's 28 weeks 1 day today (if I did my math right) is currently riding out Hotel Antepartum. She went to the ER on Monday with intense pain and they found that, while the baby is okay, her blood pressure was extremely high signaling pre-eclampsia. Her pressure has come down, but she's still hanging out at the hospital being closely monitored in the event that the baby has to come out now. And on the one hand I'm so scared, because no one wants at 28 week baby and all the possible complications that come with it. On the other hand, I'm so glad she's at 28 weeks.


~~~~~~

How far along? 19 weeks 2 days

Total weight gain/loss: We didn't get an official weight check on Friday, but I'm thinking it's about 12-14lbs over all. Once again, I don't officially know! It was about 12 when I weighed myself last.

Maternity clothes? Always Yes, but the pants are already leaving marks on my belly!

Stretch marks? None! Nope

Sleep: Not enough. But I got a TON this weekend and LOVED it!!! I slept ridiculous amounts. I'm doing okay- in bed around 10 and up at 5:30 usually only waking up with the Colbster 1 time during that 7.5 hours.

Best moment this week: The big appointment on Friday... all the measurements looked so good! :) The anatomy scan yielded two healthy babies.

Movement: Yes!! I cannot wait until I can feel the kicks on a regular basis! I'm feeling small kicks, but not regularly yet. :)

Food cravings: I like random things at random times. :) Nothing that I ALWAYS have to have, but plenty that that I HAVE to have at unusual times. Baked potatoes

Gender: 185% sure it's 2 boys! Not offically, but I go back and forth between 2 girls and a boy and a girl. No part of me thinks that it is two boys.

Labor Signs: No! I don't want any of those for... oh 20 weeks. :) No

Belly Button in or out? It's still in, but it's sticking its neck out. :) Ha! That sounds strange! It's basically flat-ish.

What I miss: Nothing! Nothing really, but it would be nice to be able to walk without being in constant back/hip/ligament pain.

What I am looking forward to: Everything! More movement, my belly button FINALLY choosing it's position, summer coming (always have the non-baby related thing!) Movement and the next few weeks going smoothly. I'm getting anxious.

Weekly Wisdom: Try not to get stressed out about stupid things. It's hard for me, but it's been a GREAT weekend because I've just taken things in stride.

Milestones: Nothing really new... but I am SO close to officially 1/2 way! Real kicks?

Anatomy Scan

The anatomy scan was today and it went well. (Whew!) I've been really nervous lately just that something would be wrong- either with the babies or my cervix or something. But it all checked out. Both babies are measuring right on target or a few days ahead and they're both growing at basically the exact same rate which is HUGE with twins. They were super active the whole time which made it difficult for the doctor to get the measurements, but I loved seeing them wiggle. :) We did not find out the sexes so it's still a mystery and I'm hoping it stays that way. My cervix was still measuring around 4cm or so. They couldn't get an exact measure because they couldn't see my cervix on the ultrasound... ?? I didn't know that was possible- but they took their best guess and they seemed happy.

But of course, I'm still not loving this high risk practice. The doctor who did the ultrasound was completely unknown to us, but she was nice and I liked her. Our doctor, Dr. R, poked her head in periodically to make sure that the measurements were looking okay. Then at the end of the scan she came in to do a quick check for herself and she declared the babies to be "Beautiful!" and "Perfect!" only to end it with "We did a consult with you--- why was it again that we're seeing you? Just because of twins?"

So I had to explain that it was because of twins and having my last twins at 27 weeks and my previously shortened cervix etc. So then she decides to do a cervix check (trust me, even if she didn't suggest it, I wasn't leaving there without one!) and there is the whole hassle of not finding my cervix. (Seriously, they had 3 people in there trying to figure out where on the screen my cervix was...) And then they kept declaring it beautiful! And perfect! And the whole time I'm trying to explain that, yes, I know. It was perfect at 18 weeks last time too. It was at 23 weeks that it was shrunk to basically nothing. And I'm nervous and PLEASE listen to me and take some precautions! But I was sent away with "See you in two weeks for a check." And I'm so nervous because I'm getting the feeling that they don't get how scared I am or WHY I am so scared and that their mode of action is to wait-until-the-problem-happens rather than being proactive.

So we wait...

18 Weeks

Feb 2- - 18w2d

How far along? 18 weeks 2 days

Total weight gain/loss: Lordy... maybe 10 pounds all together? Once again, I haven't been able to get a firm grasp just because it depends on time of day and I'm not organized enough to think of doing it at the same time every day. About 8 - 10 pounds I am guessing...

Maternity clothes? Course! Still yes

Stretch marks? Nope! Still no

Sleep: 7.5-8ish lately. Not enough, but there's so much to do! 7 or so lately

Best moment this week: Feeling little rolls from the babies. :) We also changed our bedding-- it has turtles!!! (I love turtles) Friday's appt checked out well. Other than that, I'm just trying to take it easy.

Movement: It's like little waves/rolls. :) Sometimes... but I'm waiting for the "real thing" :)

Food cravings: Not really... though I picked out some weird (for me) food at the market yesterday! Nothing... I've been drinking ridiculous amounts of milk lately

Gender: Still 2 boys. Though it will be "official" (as official as it can be until we see them live and in person) on Friday! I don't know... still maybe 2 girls?

Labor Signs: No No, though every twinge and pain makes me nervous.

Belly Button in or out? It can't decide what it wants to be... it's migrating. Almost all out.

What I miss: Nothing!

What I am looking forward to: Movement, decorating the nursery, Friday's appointment... everything! Friday's anatomy scan and movement. :)

Weekly Wisdom: I am not wise. :)

Milestones: It's not a milestone, but holy cow this ligament pain is NOT fun AT ALL. It hurts in ways my body hasn't hurt before!