1 year Ago

1 year ago...

Apparently I'm a sucker for milestones because every day seems to be another anniversary around here.

Today is the 1 year anniversary of the positive home test- that stuck.  I didn't write about it until the next day because we wanted to tell a few people first, but it was February 7th in the evening that we found out.  We had spent the day with my family celebrating my dad's birthday.  We went to Olive Garden and then hung around.  I was feeling crappy all day because I was on the verge of coming down with the flu, but we decided to take the test anyways.  My blood test wasn't officially scheduled for Monday, February 9th, but I could never wait until the nurses to confirm the good or bad- I always wanted to know going into it.  

Every time I took the home test before I would leave it in the bathroom for 3 minutes then we would both go look at it together.  Every time it was a let down (save the positive in October, but that was a case of "Is there even a line or are we seeing things!?").  This time, with the IVF we felt like we had so much riding on it.  I usually test 12dpo, but I was so nervous about it that I waited an extra 2 days and didn't test until 14dpo.  I took the test then Johnny and I went into the living room- and after 3 minutes we looked together and saw those wonderful two lines.  I can still remember the feeling of relief.  It had worked and we were starting our family.

And 1 year later our world has changed an indescribable amount.  We're grown and changed and taken on more than we thought we ever would have to.  We're stronger people than we were 1 year ago, but I think I'm also more cautious and have a greater sense of how precious and precarious life really is.  I have more of an understanding of the important things in life.

So, Colby and Connor, here is 1 year to knowing you.

From knowing of the two of you in theory to knowing the two of you in person.  You have made me the person I want to be and I hope that I can continue to provide for you Colby like you deserve and I hope that I can continue to honor Connor's memory as he deserves.

I love you both.