Monday, June 11

Busy is the name of the game

Oh it's been a busy, busy few weeks.  Johnny went to Texas and road-tripped back, the girls turned 1, school is winding down, my brother is getting married in 2 weeks and all 5 of us are in the wedding... we're just busy.

It's that time of year I get into that weird funk.  It's been really hard lately watching Colby grow and watching the girls grow together and thinking about Connor and what should be right now.  I would have thought that I'd have accepted it by now, but I haven't.  Each day beings a new stage and a new "what if" and it's just been really hard.  It's not enough to really break me down, but it's enough to really leave my heart heavy and hurting.  It's so hard to believe that it's almost been 3 years since the boys were born.  I'm not sure I'll ever get over the awe and disbelief of that one.  And some days it's even harder to remember how sick they were or even that we had Connor for those two days.  And some days I'm just reminded so much of how I never really dealt with Connor's death and the aftermath.

And some days, like today, I find that I have a million words and thoughts floating in my head but that I can't quite make any of them make sense...

2 comments:

Hoping for our own Peanut said...

Miss you, miss you, miss you! Its hard to keep up these darn blogs with these darn kids, huh? ;) We do need to plan a get together. Wonder what the midway point would be..Then again, weve always wanted to visit MA..

PJ said...

Ugh... so much to think about.

I loved reading the girls' birthday post! They grow so quickly!