First Birthday Party

As we planned for the girls 1st birthday it was a celebration of their first year- not so much the celebration of life that Colby's birthday had been.  Instead of focusing on their milestones like I had with Colby (his timeline included things like "first day off the ventilator",  "blood transfusion", and "head ultrasound all clear!") I instead focused on the cutesy details like personalized purple and pink owl onesies, tutus, and matching hair bows.  

We had a big party, but it was Memorial Day weekend so a lot of people weren't around.  The girls still had a blast, so it was still fun.

The invite-- from a seller on Etsy.

Shirts-- they were white onesies.  

Zoe had a purple owl, pink wings, and purple writing.

Syd had a pink owl, purple wings, and pink writing.

Tutus

Zoe had a dark purple/light purple combo

Syd had a dark pink/light pink combo

All in all the party was a success -- the girls had fun, Colby had fun, we had fun.  But I only took a few pictures-- woops.  :)

All the "stuff"

Picture frame mats to sign

I loved the owls :)

Pinterest inspired-- the Pinterest one is a million times better

Late afternoon so we only needed snacks

Cake made by a friend's sister

Birthday Girl ZOE!

Birthday Girls SYDNEY!

The only picture of the two *clean* that I got...

Waiting for the CAKE!

A few family pictures first

"Smash Cakes" by the same person who made the larger cake

Busy is the name of the game

Oh it's been a busy, busy few weeks.  Johnny went to Texas and road-tripped back, the girls turned 1, school is winding down, my brother is getting married in 2 weeks and all 5 of us are in the wedding... we're just busy.

It's that time of year I get into that weird funk.  It's been really hard lately watching Colby grow and watching the girls grow together and thinking about Connor and what should be right now.  I would have thought that I'd have accepted it by now, but I haven't.  Each day beings a new stage and a new "what if" and it's just been really hard.  It's not enough to really break me down, but it's enough to really leave my heart heavy and hurting.  It's so hard to believe that it's almost been 3 years since the boys were born.  I'm not sure I'll ever get over the awe and disbelief of that one.  And some days it's even harder to remember how sick they were or even that we had Connor for those two days.  And some days I'm just reminded so much of how I never really dealt with Connor's death and the aftermath.

And some days, like today, I find that I have a million words and thoughts floating in my head but that I can't quite make any of them make sense...