Lucky number... 8?

I'm not sure I believe in magic anymore.  Christmas magic.  September-baby magic.  Dream magic.  It's-been-too-long-magic.  Happy 2009 magic.  Excellent sperm magic (if there is such a thing).  Super optimistic magic (I'm sure I just made this one up).  It doesn't exist.  At least not for me.  At least not yet.

So, it's a no.  Three times over, really.

So I was very, very impatient.  I mean, I was POSITIVE that THIS was THE cycle.  Basically I got my hopes up way too high... so I tested on Monday night (Day 12) thinking I for sure had at least twins.  So I figured that I would test early because Betas are higher for multi-pregnancies.  So, that came back negative.  I was upset, but, hey, it was only Day 12.  

I tested 24 hours later on Day 13 thinking this would be IT.  I was bummed it hadn't come back positive the day before, but I was still pretty positive it would on Tuesday.  Not so much.  So, by now, I was VERY upset... I had really, really convinced myself that this was IT.  I can't even tell you how many "symptoms" I had.  I even had a dream that I had gone in for an u/s and they had found 3 yolk sacs.  I was sure that was some kind of proof or sign or something.

So, I went in today... I guess cautiously optimistic.  I figured it wasn't "it"... and by then I had decided I didn't really want it to be "it" because my HCG obviously hadn't shown up on the home test, so I didn't want to have to worry about low Beta levels and all that stress.  But there was still some hope.  But I did something I never, ever do on testing days.  I checked off the "it's okay to leave a message" on the little pink card I have to fill out every time I go for blood or u/s.  (Usually I say it is NOT okay on testing days).  I guess I wasn't too hopeful... and I am REALLY sick of those "I'm sorry" calls.  So they left a message and it came back negative.  

I didn't get upset or cry with the call though.  I'm not sure if it was because I had mentally prepared myself, or because I was listening to the call in a room of kindergartners (illegally, I must add... :)).  But either way, I got through it fine.  Now I look forward to the next cycle.   

And really, there is an unprecedented number of pregnant people around.  Some I care about, so I am really happy for them.  And other's really deserve it (because I am so highly qualified to make this decision...) so I'm happy for them. But it's the huge plethora of pregnancy and babies all around in the general public.  Did you know Tim Allen and his wife are expecting?  As my hubby put it, "he's like 50 years old!".  Or Ben Affleck just had baby number 2?  (well, he didn't, but Jennifer Garner did).  Or the 7 pregnant ladies and babies at Lui Lui's the other night.  Or really, EVERYONE.  And I don't think it's because I'm just so highly observant, because I have been just as highly observant for 2 years now.  There really is a little mini-baby-boom around here.  You'll hear about it on the news soon.

With all this said, I want to make it clear that I don't think these people shouldn't have babies (at least not all of them)... it's just that they're everywhere.  It's a bit much.  :)

On a totally unrelated note (because I always need to add something completely irrelevant), one of my fabulous kindergartners fell down the stairs yesterday before coming to school.  She ended up in the hospital for x-rays and such.  No permanent damage, but, jeeze, I have NEVER seen so much bruising and swelling before in my life.  She looks like her face is a giant blueberry!  Poor kid!

In some strange way, this cycle doesn't even feel real.  I'm not sure why-- there have actually been more blood draws and ultrasounds than before, but it kind of feels like it has all gone too quickly.  

Maybe it's because there hasn't really been any waiting time... we've been in an out of RSC so often that it hasn't quite felt the same.  I don't know.  As a result, I don't think I'm holding too much hope for this cycle.  Of course I hope and pray that it will work... I guess I'm just expecting it not to.  Is that bad?  

Christmas Eve marks 2 years to the day that we decided to start trying.  I personally had wanted to start before... maybe August 12th, perhaps?  :)  Johnny was a little more practical and wanted to do a little waiting.  But I can still remember it... I had been egging him on for weeks about starting, but of course I couldn't be secretive and just stop taking the pill on my own.  So I had to wait for the agreement.  We went to Johnny's parents house for his family Christmas party like we do every Christmas Eve.  We didn't really even talk much that night... he was doing his thing and I was doing my thing.  After everyone left, we opened gifts with his parents and brother.  Then, as we were driving back to our place we both had the same feeling.  We wanted to start.  We were ready and the timing was right.  In our naive heads we were thinking baby for Christmas 2007.  We were sadly mistaken, but I can still remember the joy and hope that we were filled with that drive home.  Granted, I had a feeling it wouldn't work as easily as we hoped, but we were still SO hopeful and optimistic.  I don't think we stopped smiling for days.  It was our little secret and we couldn't wait to share it with other people.

So, now, 2 years later, I wish I could recapture that sense of hope and optimism.  It's still there... it's just buried under medical terminologies and statistics and hurt.  

But I can't hope but be a little optimistic.  Even though this cycle doesn't quite seem real and I don't find myself eagerly anticipating the IUI quite as much as usual, the date of the IUI marks exactly 2 years from the date we decided to start.  There's got to be something in that, right?  :)

And the really cool thing, if this all works out, my due date would be September.  Not that I'm getting ahead of myself or anything...  Why is that cool?  I think I had mentioned before the grandparents-grandchildren birthday thing my mom had told me about.  And my mom is a September baby.

As I type this, I think I've discovered the reason this hasn't felt real... I don't think I really gave myself time to think about the IUI... I was just concentrating on injections and timing and blah blah blah.  Now, as I type about it and think about it, I feel myself getting incredibly excited... nervous, hopeful.  You know the feelings.  :)

Here's to a happy 2 weeks and a very happy new years present.  :) 

I have a knack for making things happen by saying that I am waiting for them.

So, of course, 2 seconds after posting the last post, I got my call from RSC... 

Here's the rundown...

LH is at 2.91

Estrogen is at 327

I am to do another injection of 75 units tonight with a blood draw in the AM.  Just blood this time.  Then I'll either trigger tomorrow night or I will have to go in again on Tuesday AM for blood and u/s.

My follicles are looking like I have one at 15mm, three at 12mm, and then a few 11mm.  Looks likes I will *crossing fingers* have more than 1 mature follicle when I trigger.  Honestly I'll take what I can get... but 2 would be really nice.  :)

Looks like the IUI is looking to be Wednesday or Thursday.  

Merry Christmas :)

Oh, and that injection tonight?  It will be done by my own capable hands.  As mentioned, my hubby is away at a basketball game... Oh jeeze.

Friday's storm ended up being snow-tastical. Luckily we got out of school at noon... and the snow didn't start until a little bit before 3. :) Yay. So I got home with no problem. Then, I was going to head down to visit my parents Saturday night and spend the night, but with my blood and u/s appointment on Sunday morning that wasn't practical. Johnny really wanted me to invite my mom to go with me (I think he really just wanted to get out of going :P), but with the snow and the fact that we're getting another ton of snow right now, that didn't really work out. Oh, well. I was supposed to go to a friend's party today... but she lives an hour away and I am too much of a wimp to drive in the snow. :) So, instead, I'm sitting here, relaxing, wasting time and enjoying the peace. :) Johnny's going to a Celtic's game with his cousin later on tonight, so I'll have a nice relaxing night. Then, I'm kind of hoping that tomorrow will have school cancelled... most likely won't happen, but it would be nice. If they were to cancel tomorrow, there would be no reason for them to open for a half day on Tuesday, right? heehee

As for the doctors this AM... I'm still waiting for the official call, but for once I really don't know what they'll have me do. :) I had a new u/s tech who didn't tell me anything about what she was seeing.. instead she made a lot of small talk about Christmas and the weather. But before we left Johnny asked what the biggest one was... and she said it was a 15mm one on my right side. Hm... once again, my left was being lazy. It had the "big" one 3 days ago, but now it has decided to give up. Typical. :) So I will see what this means when she calls me.

And that's all about that. :)

I hate winter driving.

We had a huge ice storm around here on Friday- thankfully we didn't lose power, but the driving was slushy, icy, and annoying. It took me about an hour to get to school-- usually it's about 35 minutes.

Yesterday we had a small snowstorm and it took me 1 hour and 20 minutes to get to school.

Tomorrow we're having a big storm and they have already decided school will be closed at 12pm. Which is fine, but last year we had a huge storm and I left at 12 and it took me almost 5 hours to get home. I only like 23 miles from school!!

So, I am not looking forward to tomorrow. I am hoping and praying that school is cancelled or that the snow doesn't show up until later.

Bleh.

On another note, I went in for blood and u/s this am. I have 0 over 10mm on my right and 1 at 12mm on my left. I'm continuing with 75 for 3 more days and then I go in again on Sunday. We'll see!

Cycle 7 Day 5

So, things have been going well. :) It's the weekend.

I've had an awful, horrible backache for the last day or so. I always tend to have a back that hurts-- I attribute it to being on my feet all day long and also to the years of babysitting and holding the kids and arching my back. But it's been SO much worse. As in, I can't roll over in bed without it hurting, I can't sit on the couch without it hurting, etc. I looked up the adverse reactions to the GonalF and in the study 2 people had back pain. Is that what it's from? :P Oh well, that's all about that! I'm sure it will get better.

Other than that, Johnny's been doing a good job doing the injectables. Needles aren't my favorite, but he makes them okay. It also doesn't hurt that the needle is so tiny.

Only 6.5 days left of school until vacation. In that time we have random Holiday Show practices, the rehearsal, making gingerbread houses, the actual show, Elf Day, the Christmas show, 2 gym classes, 2 music classes, library, health, and art. Yes, not much learning is going to go on before Christmas. :)

Cycle 7 Day 3 Down

Went to the doctors today for blood and ultrasound. The ultrasound was A-okay. I have 7 less than 10mm on my right and 10 less than 10mm on my left. Blood was annoying as usual, but I got through it. (With a nice little bruise... but through it just the same!)

Today we got the meds too, so I started GonalF this evening. We're only starting with 37.5, so it didn't seem like much. It will be interesting to see how things are looking when I go back in on Monday AM at 6:30.

I wish I knew how this would play out. Back on Clomid I could have banked on either a Dec 24th or Dec 25th IUI. Now I'm not so sure and I'm a little nervous about the timing. I know we will work everything out though... and there is no point getting worried.

On an unrelated note, we had craft day at school today. An ink pad kind of exploded (I didn't know it was possible... but it is!) so I look a little bit like a smurf. And it would be hard to convince someone who has never been in my classroom that one of my tables wasn't always blue. :)

Woohooo

I have blood and u/s scheduled for 6:30am on Thursday. I've ordered the meds and they will be in on Thursday.

I am incredibly happy and full of hope. :) The IUI should be right around Christmas. A Christmas miracle perhaps?


And on other news, I'm going to see The Grinch Who Stole Christmas tomorrow at the Wang Center with my little darlings! So excited!