So, I've been back to work for almost 5 weeks. Things have been going pretty well. I'm up at 5 to pump and shower and all that good stuff. I'm downstairs by 6 to wash my pump stuff, clean a few bottles, and wait for the nanny. Sometimes the girls wake up while I'm getting ready, sometimes they don't. I'm in the habit of waking Colby up (which I actually really, really hate because I know he needs the sleep) because I don't want him to panic when he sees that Mama's not there anymore.
See, the return to work has made Colby super super Mama-clingy. He's usually pretty good about letting me out of the house in the AM with minimal tears or begging for me to stay, but when I am home there is no escape. I can't shower, do laundry, or even run up to check on the girls without him needing to be with me. If I leave him he breaks down in hysterics and it breaks my heart. I know it's probably just another phase of separation anxiety but it's killing me. I feel so badly for him that he gets so upset and on the other hand, I'm feeling a little run down that I can't get 2 seconds. Instead I literally have to carry him up with me just to peek in on the sleeping girls. (I have to carry him because he's in this "I don't want to fall" phase. *sigh* Phases.)
So I guess I'm asking for suggestions? I kind of hate the thought of breaking this phase simply because I love to be wanted, but at the same time it really can't be good for him to be so dependent on me, right? I mean, I've read a lot on child development during various courses and this just seems a little excessive and that makes me nervous.
Thursday, January 26
Monday, January 23
Bullets
Some bits and pieces until it's time to turn of the pump or until a babe wakes up.
- I signed up for my last grad course last night. (Last course, but I still have 2 pracs to do) The semester started today & it really looks kind of manageable. However, that might simply be because the class is called "Program Evaluation" and I have no clue what that means. It's over April 7th. I can make it until then. Right?
- I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by the whole teaching-motherhood-no sleep-pumping every few hours- grad school thing.
- School has been going okay... my class is still tough, but I love them just the same. They're coming along- they're starting to realize that I'm not going to tolerate their inappropriate behaviors. I always tell my kids that I don't care if they make mistakes & I don't care if they don't understand how to do something, all that matters is that they try to learn, to listen, and to do their best. Simply reminding them of that (over and over) has really seemed to help some of the kiddos get really excited about learning.
- I still feel so behind at school though. We're finally through relearning routines (well, my routines) so we're settling in to actually completing lessons. It's so different being in 1st grade than K though because I am just not a "follow-the-book-and-do-the-lessons" kind of person. I use small groups and learning centers and hands on activities and I hate worksheets, but that's the total opposite of our 1st grade curriculum. So I find myself struggling between what I know and do, covering the manual, and making sure that the two meld to somehow still meet the standards.
- Colby turned 2 1/2 on Thursday. So the 21st was Saturday. I know I've said it before, but it's really not getting any easier. Instead I find myself kind of blindsided by glimpses of what might have been if only that morning had turned out differently. That's a whole other issue though.
- The girls are 8 months old on Wednesday. I can't believe it. They're getting so big so fast it's scary. By the time Colby was 8 months we already had our Baby #3 (which turned into #3 and #4) appointment with the RE. This time? I'm trying to catch my breath still! (But there are some days where the Baby Bug is knocking at the door and I am so ready.)
- We interviewed and chose a new nanny. This one has a 20 month old son she'll be bringing along. I am a little nervous how that whole dynamic is going to work, but she seems pretty amazing, the kid is super cute and sweet, and Colby keeps singing "Logan! Logan! Logan!" because he wants to play with him again. I hope it works out. Until at least June.
It's almost midnight, so the pump won out. The girls are still asleep. :)
Wednesday, January 18
Seriously 2012??
Oh lordy... so I was hoping that 2012 would hold great things. So far it has been a big ole headache!
- Colby started getting sick on Dec. 29th with a fever and general "not-himself-ness". It's been 3 weeks and he's still sick. He's definitely getting better and nowhere near the "I-only-want-to-lay-around-and-watch-Cars" boy that he was for awhile there, but holy goodness. Get over the cough and runny nose already.
- So of course I got sick and was pretty darn miserable. School started back on Jan 3rd, the 4th I had a fever, sore throat, headache, and lost my voice. I went to school the next day unable to talk, but the Friday I took off because Colby had pink eye. Seriously? (That was Day #1 off from work) Then I went the walk in the next day for my awful throat thinking it MUST be strep. It was just a virus. I am still sick.
- So of course the girls get sick. Zoe & Syd started getting congested this past weekend. Miserable times let me tell you. I think that twins are really pretty easy. Except when they're sick and clingy. Though still congested and cough-y, Sydney has started to feel a bit better with no noticeable fever. Zoe was so NOT HERSELF that we went to the doctors today. 103 fever, bloodwork, and chest x-ray later, she was sent home with an antibiotic because of what showed up as the possible beginnings of pneumonia. Oh and she has pink eye too. (These past two days were Days #2 and #3 off from work. I have FIVE total before the end of the year.) Here's to hoping my babes are better soon.
- On Monday of last week our nanny informed us that she is MOVING to NORTH CAROLINA on JANUARY 30th. She got engaged and her boyfriend is in the Marines in NC. So we're on the frantic search for a new nanny.
Saturday, December 31
2011
Dear 2011,
You've been a pretty awesome year.
Colby went from a semi-toddling still-baby toddler to a talking, running, crazy two-year-old-going-on-ten ball of amazing energy. I began the year counting words, amazed that he was saying 30 words at 18 months. Now he won't stop talking and I can coach him to say things like "Sorry! Didn't mean to be rude!" when he burps. (Just for giggles.) He's had 3 haircuts, went on tons of adventures, and really became his own person. He went on his first train rides, his first plane ride, and even started 2011 in another state altogether. We went from loving Thomas to Toy Story to Caillou back to Thomas and then on to Cars. He became a total clown who loves to fall down for laughs and will ask "Are I okay Mama?" when he falls. But he's still a Mama's boy at heart who loves to cuddle, hug, and kiss. He reminds me every single day why we started this whole parenting thing.
And the girls. Oh, the girls. They helped fill the first 5 months of 2011 with anticipation and love mixed with worry and uncertainty. I had a spinal and cerclage when 2011 was just days old. I spent hours and hours at appointments, a month in the hospital in bed, another 6 weeks laying in my own bed (and on the couch), then had surgery, spent another week in the hospital, and a few more days visiting the NICU. All for their health... and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Times a million. They went from (relatively) teeny 4lb 10oz loves (monsters when compared to the boys) who slept and ate and slept some more to squishy, rolly, sitting, teething, squealing loves. Their personalities are so distinct it makes me laugh.
Sydney is laid back, content to play on her own. But if she needs you for food or a diaper, she is fast to let you know. She has a set of lungs on her to ensure she gets noticed. She loves to jump in the Jumparoo and chew on anything in sight. She loves her pacifier and will find it and start sucking away without help. She loves bath time, but hates to get dried off. She won't lay still for a diaper. She's so strong that you literally have to fight with her to get her to sit still for anything. She's so ready to crawl. She can scoot on her bottom, rotate, and push backwards a little. She loves to eat and has chowed down on sweet potatoes, carrots, squash, cereal, applesauce, and bananas. Like Colby was, you can't get food into her fast enough. She wakes up every few hours at night still to eat, but I don't mind because it's when we get our best cuddles in, and she's growing way too fast anyways.
Zoe is usually pretty laid back too, but she wants more Mama time. She's a little more laid back about her needs and will usually whimper for a diaper or bottle. For awhile. Then the screaming comes out. She loves her big brother and will laugh at him for hours. But she is a Mama's girl at heart and will let out huge sad tears while throwing out the pouty lip if she's not around Mama enough. She loves to chew on anything and will sit and inspect it so carefully. Her favorite toys are anything that belong to Colby- cars, trucks, trains. Basically anything with a small part that can be swallowed. She's not interested in her pacifier and I rarely even offer it anymore. She's like Colby in that way. She's not a fan of food and will only tolerate mixed grain cereal and squash, and only sometimes. She's a total chow hound at night and will eat 15-20oz at night. It's ridiculous, I can't get it into her fast enough it seems.
And me, well, I had an amazing 9 months off of work. The first 10 weeks were spent on bedrest, but after that, I've gotten to spend an amazing amount of time with all the kiddos. I know I was so lucky to get that time-- no time will ever be enough, but it was a good start. Everything about all 3 of them is going so quickly that it's hard to remember where we were even just a few months ago.
Of course it's not always all good. 2011 was the second full year without Connor in it. I'm always surprised how much that hurts and how it catches me so off guard. But we're still learning to live with our reality and it does help to tell Colby about Connor. To see him kiss Connor's heart. To see him point to pictures. I know he doesn't really get it, but it does help.
2012 has a lot of work to do if it's going to catch up to 2011. But we have 1st birthdays, a trip to Texas, a wedding we're all in, and a 3rd birthday to look forward to. There's sure to be so much more good in 2012 as well.
So, so long 2011. It's been fun.
You've been a pretty awesome year.
Colby went from a semi-toddling still-baby toddler to a talking, running, crazy two-year-old-going-on-ten ball of amazing energy. I began the year counting words, amazed that he was saying 30 words at 18 months. Now he won't stop talking and I can coach him to say things like "Sorry! Didn't mean to be rude!" when he burps. (Just for giggles.) He's had 3 haircuts, went on tons of adventures, and really became his own person. He went on his first train rides, his first plane ride, and even started 2011 in another state altogether. We went from loving Thomas to Toy Story to Caillou back to Thomas and then on to Cars. He became a total clown who loves to fall down for laughs and will ask "Are I okay Mama?" when he falls. But he's still a Mama's boy at heart who loves to cuddle, hug, and kiss. He reminds me every single day why we started this whole parenting thing.
And the girls. Oh, the girls. They helped fill the first 5 months of 2011 with anticipation and love mixed with worry and uncertainty. I had a spinal and cerclage when 2011 was just days old. I spent hours and hours at appointments, a month in the hospital in bed, another 6 weeks laying in my own bed (and on the couch), then had surgery, spent another week in the hospital, and a few more days visiting the NICU. All for their health... and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Times a million. They went from (relatively) teeny 4lb 10oz loves (monsters when compared to the boys) who slept and ate and slept some more to squishy, rolly, sitting, teething, squealing loves. Their personalities are so distinct it makes me laugh.
Sydney is laid back, content to play on her own. But if she needs you for food or a diaper, she is fast to let you know. She has a set of lungs on her to ensure she gets noticed. She loves to jump in the Jumparoo and chew on anything in sight. She loves her pacifier and will find it and start sucking away without help. She loves bath time, but hates to get dried off. She won't lay still for a diaper. She's so strong that you literally have to fight with her to get her to sit still for anything. She's so ready to crawl. She can scoot on her bottom, rotate, and push backwards a little. She loves to eat and has chowed down on sweet potatoes, carrots, squash, cereal, applesauce, and bananas. Like Colby was, you can't get food into her fast enough. She wakes up every few hours at night still to eat, but I don't mind because it's when we get our best cuddles in, and she's growing way too fast anyways.
Zoe is usually pretty laid back too, but she wants more Mama time. She's a little more laid back about her needs and will usually whimper for a diaper or bottle. For awhile. Then the screaming comes out. She loves her big brother and will laugh at him for hours. But she is a Mama's girl at heart and will let out huge sad tears while throwing out the pouty lip if she's not around Mama enough. She loves to chew on anything and will sit and inspect it so carefully. Her favorite toys are anything that belong to Colby- cars, trucks, trains. Basically anything with a small part that can be swallowed. She's not interested in her pacifier and I rarely even offer it anymore. She's like Colby in that way. She's not a fan of food and will only tolerate mixed grain cereal and squash, and only sometimes. She's a total chow hound at night and will eat 15-20oz at night. It's ridiculous, I can't get it into her fast enough it seems.
And me, well, I had an amazing 9 months off of work. The first 10 weeks were spent on bedrest, but after that, I've gotten to spend an amazing amount of time with all the kiddos. I know I was so lucky to get that time-- no time will ever be enough, but it was a good start. Everything about all 3 of them is going so quickly that it's hard to remember where we were even just a few months ago.
Of course it's not always all good. 2011 was the second full year without Connor in it. I'm always surprised how much that hurts and how it catches me so off guard. But we're still learning to live with our reality and it does help to tell Colby about Connor. To see him kiss Connor's heart. To see him point to pictures. I know he doesn't really get it, but it does help.
2012 has a lot of work to do if it's going to catch up to 2011. But we have 1st birthdays, a trip to Texas, a wedding we're all in, and a 3rd birthday to look forward to. There's sure to be so much more good in 2012 as well.
So, so long 2011. It's been fun.
Sunday, December 25
Holiday Time
Holidays are hard with a baby in heaven.
But also amazing as you watch the joy in the eyes of your other babies.
But also amazing as you watch the joy in the eyes of your other babies.
Tuesday, December 20
Back to Work
I have been back at work for 2 days. I am tired. :) I get up at 5am to have time to pump and shower and get things squared away. The nanny gets here at 6:30 and I leave around 6:45 to avoid too much traffic. I get to school around 7:15, the kids get there at 8:15. I get through the morning and then I pump at lunch time. By then I'm dying. But then I get through the rest of the afternoon and pump before heading out the door. I'm home around 3:30 with the kids, play, and get dinner ready. Then it's baths if it's bath night or more playing if it's not. The kids are all down around 8, then it's clean up and pump and school work. By the time I'm ready for bed it's about 11 with one last pump session. Then it's lights out with lots of wake ups with the girls. The first night I was up 8 times and last night it was 9 times.
I'm so tempted to throw in the towel with pumping. At school there is no place for me to go, so I hide in the corner of my room and since it's so long between sessions I ended up spending my full 50 minutes pumping, so I get nothing done at lunch time. And I feel like I spend more time pumping in the evening than I get to spend actually playing with the girls and Colby. And then I'm up pumping around midnight and then 2 and then 5, so it limits my sleep even more. (Though I'm usually up with the girls anyhow)
BUT my goal was 10 months because that's how long I have the pump for free. And I do like knowing I'm providing for the girls 100%. And it's only a little more than 3 months away so it's doable, right? So I just don't know what to do. I'm afraid that school is going to really cut into my supply anyhow, so in the end I might be killing myself for nothing really.
Oh well. Point is, we're adjusting. I have 2.5 more days this week then it's vacation until Jan 3rd. Then it's back full time at which point my class really needs to be whipped into shape. It's a tough group behaviorally and academically and the sub did her best, but she was really just winging it. They write worse than my K class did in terms of both content and handwriting, so I have to tackle that. They have no real set schedule so I have to do that. There is no behavior management system so I have to tackle that. Basically I feel like I'm going to have to treat it like the beginning of school all over again & take the next 4-6 weeks establishing routines (like no talking and wandering around the room). I can take academic struggles any day, but the blatant disregard for proper behavior? That I cannot stand, so we'll hit that big time.
I'm so tempted to throw in the towel with pumping. At school there is no place for me to go, so I hide in the corner of my room and since it's so long between sessions I ended up spending my full 50 minutes pumping, so I get nothing done at lunch time. And I feel like I spend more time pumping in the evening than I get to spend actually playing with the girls and Colby. And then I'm up pumping around midnight and then 2 and then 5, so it limits my sleep even more. (Though I'm usually up with the girls anyhow)
BUT my goal was 10 months because that's how long I have the pump for free. And I do like knowing I'm providing for the girls 100%. And it's only a little more than 3 months away so it's doable, right? So I just don't know what to do. I'm afraid that school is going to really cut into my supply anyhow, so in the end I might be killing myself for nothing really.
Oh well. Point is, we're adjusting. I have 2.5 more days this week then it's vacation until Jan 3rd. Then it's back full time at which point my class really needs to be whipped into shape. It's a tough group behaviorally and academically and the sub did her best, but she was really just winging it. They write worse than my K class did in terms of both content and handwriting, so I have to tackle that. They have no real set schedule so I have to do that. There is no behavior management system so I have to tackle that. Basically I feel like I'm going to have to treat it like the beginning of school all over again & take the next 4-6 weeks establishing routines (like no talking and wandering around the room). I can take academic struggles any day, but the blatant disregard for proper behavior? That I cannot stand, so we'll hit that big time.
Saturday, December 17
Sleep
When the boys were born Johnny & I only had one other set of friends with a kid. She was 2 years older than Colby, so a little beyond our stage. So we went through NICU and babyhood and into toddlerhood "alone" without anyone else to compare to. (Well, except for everyone on here, but I digress.)
But now, with round 2 with the girls, it seems like everyone and their mother is having babies. On facebook just about every day there seems to be new baby pictures of friends and acquaintances and that random person I sat next to in Intro to Writing sophomore year. (Because BU got facebook back in the day when it was The Facebook and when you connected with people by classes.)
My point? Now we have lots of people to compare our kids to. Johnny even has a friend who had a baby boy the same day the girls were born. And Johnny does a lot of sleep comparing. (Which is actually a little funny because he has never gotten up with the girls and sleeps just fine through the night...)
He's always telling me about the 2 month old who sleeps 11 hours a night, or the 3 week old who slept for 7 hours straight or the baby who wakes up at 10am every morning.
So, this all brings out a question Johnny has been asking a lot lately:
Why don't our kids sleep?
Seriously, what am I doing wrong? Let's leave Colby out of this because I rocked him and cuddled him and he sleeps with us. Whatever. Lost cause. He'll be out of the bed before kindergarten, so I'm not worried.
But the girls. Seriously. They're not cuddlers. It's sad and makes me miss the cuddly Colby stage, but they're just not. They're interactive and fun as heck, but they won't just nuzzle in for a good nap or rock. Therefore, I can't cuddle them to sleep. Sydney especially- lay her down and give her a pacifier and she's good to go. Both can fall asleep on their own. They can both soothe themselves back to sleep with their pacifiers or hand sucking. The can both down 8+ ounces right before bed at 7:30/8pm.
So why do they wake up 3 or more times every night? What am I doing wrong? They seem to have all the "tools" to sleep through the night, but they still get hungry 2 or 3 times a night. And it's not that they wake up for a "snack". No, instead, around 11 then 2 then 5 they'll down another 4-5oz at a time. They definitely get most of their food at night. During they day they may take a 3oz bottle around 9, a 5oz bottle around 1 and then a 3oz bottle around 4 or 5. They go back to sleep easily after eating at night, so it's not like they have their days and nights mixed up. They're just late night eaters. How do I fix that?
Honestly, I don't really mind because I'm still getting up to pump and I do love the night time snuggle sessions (because they're more cuddly when half asleep than when awake during the day) but I feel the need to fix this more for them. I feel like they'd be more rested if they slept a longer stretch than 3 hours at a time. (Though, to be honest, it's not like they seem like they're not well rested, so really it might not be an issue...)
I've tried getting them to eat more during the day, but it doesn't really work. I've tried to "trick" them with a pacifier at night to cut the night feedings down, but that REALLY doesn't work. I don't want to do anything that is upsetting to them and if this is what they really do need then I DON'T want to do anything to change it. But any suggestions?
But I do keep telling Johnny... some babies and people just never do sleep all through the night. I have never been someone to sleep through the night. For as long as I can remember I've always gotten up 2-3 times for the bathroom or for a quick drink. Usually I'm up for 2 minutes tops and I can fall right back to sleep, though. Maybe the girls (and Colby) are just more like me?
(And before you ask, introducing solids has only succeeded in adding some messy late night diapers- it hasn't helped the sleep at all. Oh, and Zoe is not a fan of solids. As in, the second I try to feed her something she starts gagging and trying to throw it up.)
But they're so cute I can't stand it.
But now, with round 2 with the girls, it seems like everyone and their mother is having babies. On facebook just about every day there seems to be new baby pictures of friends and acquaintances and that random person I sat next to in Intro to Writing sophomore year. (Because BU got facebook back in the day when it was The Facebook and when you connected with people by classes.)
My point? Now we have lots of people to compare our kids to. Johnny even has a friend who had a baby boy the same day the girls were born. And Johnny does a lot of sleep comparing. (Which is actually a little funny because he has never gotten up with the girls and sleeps just fine through the night...)
He's always telling me about the 2 month old who sleeps 11 hours a night, or the 3 week old who slept for 7 hours straight or the baby who wakes up at 10am every morning.
So, this all brings out a question Johnny has been asking a lot lately:
Why don't our kids sleep?
Seriously, what am I doing wrong? Let's leave Colby out of this because I rocked him and cuddled him and he sleeps with us. Whatever. Lost cause. He'll be out of the bed before kindergarten, so I'm not worried.
But the girls. Seriously. They're not cuddlers. It's sad and makes me miss the cuddly Colby stage, but they're just not. They're interactive and fun as heck, but they won't just nuzzle in for a good nap or rock. Therefore, I can't cuddle them to sleep. Sydney especially- lay her down and give her a pacifier and she's good to go. Both can fall asleep on their own. They can both soothe themselves back to sleep with their pacifiers or hand sucking. The can both down 8+ ounces right before bed at 7:30/8pm.
So why do they wake up 3 or more times every night? What am I doing wrong? They seem to have all the "tools" to sleep through the night, but they still get hungry 2 or 3 times a night. And it's not that they wake up for a "snack". No, instead, around 11 then 2 then 5 they'll down another 4-5oz at a time. They definitely get most of their food at night. During they day they may take a 3oz bottle around 9, a 5oz bottle around 1 and then a 3oz bottle around 4 or 5. They go back to sleep easily after eating at night, so it's not like they have their days and nights mixed up. They're just late night eaters. How do I fix that?
Honestly, I don't really mind because I'm still getting up to pump and I do love the night time snuggle sessions (because they're more cuddly when half asleep than when awake during the day) but I feel the need to fix this more for them. I feel like they'd be more rested if they slept a longer stretch than 3 hours at a time. (Though, to be honest, it's not like they seem like they're not well rested, so really it might not be an issue...)
I've tried getting them to eat more during the day, but it doesn't really work. I've tried to "trick" them with a pacifier at night to cut the night feedings down, but that REALLY doesn't work. I don't want to do anything that is upsetting to them and if this is what they really do need then I DON'T want to do anything to change it. But any suggestions?
But I do keep telling Johnny... some babies and people just never do sleep all through the night. I have never been someone to sleep through the night. For as long as I can remember I've always gotten up 2-3 times for the bathroom or for a quick drink. Usually I'm up for 2 minutes tops and I can fall right back to sleep, though. Maybe the girls (and Colby) are just more like me?
(And before you ask, introducing solids has only succeeded in adding some messy late night diapers- it hasn't helped the sleep at all. Oh, and Zoe is not a fan of solids. As in, the second I try to feed her something she starts gagging and trying to throw it up.)
But they're so cute I can't stand it.
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