Welcome back, Hunter

The little man and I were ready to BREAK OUT today.
I've been here 4 days, he's been here 4 days.
He's been in my room since Wednesday.
He's been doing great.
I miss my kiddos at home in a BIG way.

We were just ready.

But then little man, aka Hunter, decides that he doesn't want to anymore.

Instead, he goes to take his carseat test in his lovely purple carseat (remnant of the girls, but I wasn't buying a new 4 lb carseat!)

And I get a call a little while later telling me that he failed.  Seriously??  I didn't know kids actually FAILED those things.  Although he's seemed fine, he dsat-ed in the seat (his O2 dropped) once.  Then thinking it was a fluke they decided to try again, but this time he dsat-ed again- this time an "I'll turn blue" dsat.

All that won him was a big ole failure and a one way trip back upstairs to the NICU.  Where he must stay for at least 5 days because we have a 5-day rule around here about dsats and bradies.

Then last night he decided it would be fun to let his heart rate drift too.

Sigh.  Big ole Sigh.

I was devastated when they called because I just wanted it to work so badly and for once it did, but now I'm in a much more normal place.  It stinks, but it is what it is and if I have to choose between having him home & exclusively breastfeeding, but having him dsat and struggle OR have him here and give up my control, of course I'm going to do that.

But this whole birth has been a trying experience.  I thought with one baby & the cerclage I would get so much more time with him inside.  I was so hopeful we'd get to April 2nd, but I knew we probably wouldn't.  But I though that I would definitely get more than just an extra week from when the girls were born.  It's almost more frustrating that with the girls or the boys.  I'm kind of feeling defeated like there is no way my body can do this.

I wanted to have another child-- and I still do-- but now I'm not so sure I want to go through this all again or put another baby through it all.  It's comforting, but also not right that everyone in the NICU knows us by name, that we don't have to tell them anything when we walk in, that they can ask "How are the other 3 at home?" and say "Oh I think he looks just like Sydney when she was born"

But there you go... baby still in the NICU & me questioning the status of our future.

Just another Friday.  :)

Hunter Jacob

Meet Hunter Jacob.  Mr. No Name no longer.  :)

Hunter finally got a name yesterday evening.  We'd been tossing around Hunter for the longest time so I'm not surprised we came back to it.  If Sydney were a boy she would have been Hunter.  We went back and forth this time with Owen and Landon and Hudson and just about every boys name there is in this world.  We narrowed it down to Owen and Hunter and let Colby choose the final outcome.  Then middle names were impossible too!  We went with Jacob because Colby really wanted Jake like Jack and the Neverland Pirates and I not a a fan of "nickname" names (or what I perceive to be nicknames!) so we went with the "longer version" and got Jacob.

Yesterday afternoon Hunter broke free of the NICU!  He was doing great with everything, so down he came!  Around 2pm he came into my room & didn't leave until about 1am.  I was constantly pumping and feeding, but I am getting ZERO from pumping right now.  I got a little in the beginning, but it's been hours and hours (like almost 48) since I really got anything.  It's so discouraging.  So I was hoping he was getting something, but at 1 they had to take him to get vitals checked and they found that his blood sugar was a tad low.  So they kept him there and gave him the tinnny bit I had pumped before.  And then they ended up having to supplement with formula.  I was a little disappointed about that, but really, in the end I wanted him fed not starving because I need to dictate everything.

Yesterday afternoon three cuties came to visit this baby brother too.

I didn't get pictures of just Colby & Hunter because I was trying to protect my incision and Hunter, but oh my goodness, Colby is So in love I can't stand it.  And not in the "this is interesting" way that he was with the girls.  This boy was just BURSTING at the seams and SO proud of "his baby".  

Zoe was pretty "meh" about the whole thing.  She came into my room & went and played near the window, happy as a clam.  And that was it.  :)  She peeked around at Hunter a few times and came and sat with me, but all in all, she was pretty uninterested.

Sydney kept pointing at Hunter and saying "the baby".  She liked to sit in my lap and pat his head (and then his eyes and nose and mouth).  She seems to like him more in the "that's interesting" way that Colby regarded the girls.

My in-laws came to visit today.  Can you spell awkward?  Johnny's plan was to have a "sit down" with them about babyshower/purposely hurting me thing (because it has become so much more than the shower) but that was this weekend & we obviously didn't get there so he tried to be the bigger person and invited them to meet Hunter.  I tried to be the bigger person and to be civil and to let them hold Hunter.  But ... I don't know what I expected.  An apology?  Something?  It was so awkward.  His mom said maybe 4 words to me and though the shower was brought up (my older brother was visiting too and he asked something) there wasn't even a glimmer of saying anything.  And then they left and she stood across the room and said "Bye" and that was it.  It was just so weird.  So weird.  Johnny's dad seemed to be a little clueless about the whole thing because he talked more, but at the same time, he made it clear to Johnny earlier that he 100% sided with Johnny's mom, so it was still a little odd.

Anyways.  It's quarter past 5 & I'm finishing up pumping.  Once again I got pretty much nothing, but even a drop at this point is an improvement.  

Crossing my fingers...

1. Hunter stays down instead of having to go back to the NICU

2. I start to pump more

3. I start to really be able to take on feeding this boy

4. My incision starts to hurt SO MUCH less ... because OUCH right now.

Meet...

Little no name!

Yes, yes it's a picture of a picture stolen from Johnny's facebook because this is the first free minute I've had since everything started yesterday.

But Little No Name is a boy & was born yesterday evening at 5pm via repeat c-section at 35 weeks 2 days.  The cerclage bought us 1 extra week from the girls, but he is just amazing, amazing, amazing.

He was 4lbs 14oz, 17.75 inches & perfect.

Did I say amazing?

I've been pretty convinced we were going to go all the way with this one.  My cervix was closed and hard & perfect every scan.  Nothing had changed.  I wasn't contracting much.  But then Saturday I did start to feel a little "off".  I thought I had dropped... but I don't really have a clue.  Just a "feeling".  I was having a lot of pressure and you know... I was pregnant.  :)  We had decided not to take out the stitch until D-day unless something major happened, so I had that reassurance too.

But I woke up on Monday morning with a bit of pain & went to the bathroom and there was blood.  Like lots of it.  After hyperventilating a bit (I was so hoping for a 36 weeker at least... so there would be the possibility of no NICU time) I got set into motion.  I called the hospital because it was just a tad too early to call my doc, called Johnny, called my mom and we finally hit the road a bit later.

At the hospital I was checked and was contracting every 2-3 minutes though the contractions were short.  They did an exam & found that the blood was all coming from my tearing stitch- no surprise there, so a quick snip and the stitch was gone.

The contractions increased but they hooked me to an IV in hopes of stopping them to get me a little further.  After 2 hours the contractions hadn't stopped but my cervix hadn't changed either so more waiting.  Then around 3 I had changed to 2 cm dilated, so I was in full labor & the OR was prepped and the rest is history!


Last night he was on the CPAP in the NICU with an IV.  Today he was off the CPAP and had NO oxygen requirements.  His IV ended this afternoon.  He's only breastfeeding... did I say amazing?

If things stay the way they are (fingers crossed) with no spells, bradies, dsats & he continues to take all feeds by mouth then he will be down in the regular nursery TOMORROW.  Did you read that???  I'll have a baby in the regular NURSERY.  Or I COULD.  But the possibility is so amazing that it's almost enough in and of itself.   (Almost)

So that's that.  :)

Maybe a shower.

Not unexpected

Surprise, surprise.  I didn't need to reserve judgement on my mother-in-law.

Her reasons for bailing on the shower?
1. She got the invite late and her feelings were hurt.  And I guess she got her bridal shower invite late (back in 2006) & also her other baby shower invite late (back in 2009).  And so her feelings have been perpetually hurt by this.  Because apparently we all have control over the mail?

2. My mom didn't check the date with her.  I guess in my Mother-in-law's family everyone checks every date before hand before scheduling a party.  So the fact that my mom didn't call ahead of time was a blow to her.  And if my mom did call ahead of time then she would have known that 2 of my MIL's sisters couldn't go to the party.  ?  So was my mom supposed to schedule and reschedule because of this?

3. "Tradition" states that you only have one shower.  And my MIL doesn't believe in multiple showers for the same person.  Which I get, but then why even bring up grievances 1 & 2 if your response would have just been "I don't believe in this"?

Anywho... I'm hurt.  Really hurt and honestly ready to say that this is IT.  I don't think I've said too much on this subject, but suffice to say that since I started dating Johnny she has come across as the most controlling and selfish person I have ever known.  It's bothered me and made lots of situations uncomfortable but it's Johnny's mom so I dealt (kind of).  I distanced myself and let Johnny visit a lot without me but I was always always civil when we were together.

But now I'm more hurt and really angry because she didn't just hurt me.  Instead she hurt my mom by saying that my mom was doing this stuff on purpose (mail?  seriously??), she stuck it to her unborn grandchild (whom you know she'll want to meet the second I'm out of the OR... yeah right... not now.  I don't want her there.  Period.), stuck it to my whole family, and made herself look like a complete ass in front of everyone.

Doesn't she realize that she looks like a complete child?  If you don't want to come, fine.  But if you have to, lie why.  Don't turn it into "I got the invite later than everyone else & you didn't talk to me first & you shouldn't be even having a shower."  And then don't not talk to us for days until you decide to call and say "Hey, do you want to get together this weekend?"  Because, yes, the answer to that one was a big fat no.

Well, enough on that one for now...


~~~~~~~


Baby sounded great on Wednesday.  Dr. K is leaning toward leaving the stitch in until D-day!  I'm so happy about that one.  I wasn't looking forward to the removal process & also I know that almost as soon as the stitch is taken out I'm likely to go into labor.  Sooo it will be nice not to really worry about it.  Of course I still have to be on the look out for contractions or blood.  Frequent contractions will lead to the removal anyways.... though the stitch tore a bit last time and I had zero signs, so this might not all keep it from tearing anyways.

I go on Thursday of next week for a growth check & EFW check.  It'll be the last ultrasound to recheck because of the two vessel cord.  (Still perplexing, but still also... oh well!)  Then I'm weekly after that.  I'm 35 weeks tomorrow.  35 WEEKS!

The countdown is officially on and I am so ready.

Baby Shower!

Today was my baby shower for baby #5.  It was supposed to snow pretty heavily, but things turned around and the ground was too warm or something and though it snowed pretty much for 24 hours nothing materialized on the ground.  I'm so glad because I hate driving in the snow.

Anyhow, the shower itself was nice and lowkey.   There were about 25 people there- mostly high school & college friends plus a few of my mom's friends, relatives, and the family I used to babysit for. An eclectic mix, but it worked.

We didn't really "need" anything so I mostly registered for updates of things we had.  New washcloths, a new bather seat, pump supplies, etc.  It was more about seeing people that I never see because we're so busy.  Like I said, it was nice.  And another reminder of who matters and who we can count on.

Where am I going with this?  All of my in-laws were invited.  Of those that were invited?  ZERO came.  ZERO.  Seriously?  Well, Johnny's family on his dad's side had an excuse-- one in in New Hampshire and they did really get snow that blocked her from leaving the house.  And his other cousin and his aunt were both in Virginia.  Together they chipped in and bought the new stroller we wanted.  And the New Hampshire cousin wrote my mom an apologetic email explaining the circumstances.

But the rest of Johnny's family on his mom's side?  His mom didn't come.  I already know that they (his parents) don't really like me.  (I'm too quiet, I don't appreciate their invasive & sometimes personal questioning) They never have, but this kind of drives up the tension for me a bit more.  None of his aunts or cousins came either.  And I feel like none of them can really blame the weather because it wasn't that bad and there was nothing taken off the registry that we didn't get, so it doesn't seem like anyone had purchased a gift and then didn't make it.  Though, yes, I know they don't have to buy off the registry.  Anywho.  It was just a bit of a kick.   I guess the point is that while I didn't need them there to have a good time (it was still fabulous), it kind of felt like it said a lot by them not being there.

I am going to really reserve judgement until Johnny can talk to his mom and see what happened or why she didn't come.  I suspect the reasons are that she got the invite late (it went out in the 2nd mailing due to stamps, but the rest of her family got the invites before her and she was upset) and that my mom didn't include her in the process (it was my mom's thing... if this is the reason then she needs to get over it, right?) so it was her way of showing how she felt.  But we'll see.

And I have zero pictures so I'm really hoping my mom and sister-in-laws took some good ones!

And since I keep promising pictures here are a few randoms...

How cute is he?  And the alligator hat cracks me up!

I think this is where Syd decided she was ready to take on the world.

All while wearing socks as gloves.  :)

Zo-bers showing off her cheeeeeeese face.

And my three loves all together.

What do I need?

A general plea to everyone.

This is the first time I'm really expecting to head to the hospital and have a baby and bring it home with me.  Soooo... what do I need?  I started to make a list tonight, but I'm still kind of at a loss.  I think it's more the stuff I need for the baby.  (Though I'm a little clueless for me... I'll be in the hospital for 4 days post section)  Do I bring clothes for every day?  (In the NICU clothes don't get put on until IVs are out and then they supply plain onesies)  Do I need diapers?

I find this all a little funny seeing as I've had 4 kids!

Less than 7 weeks until Baby Time!

I've been meaning to update for awhile, but I can't appear to be doing anything even remotely interesting with the kiddos around and by the time they're in bed I've lost all ambition to update.  :)

This past weekend we got a lot of snow- somewhere around 3 feet in less than 24 hours with drifts over 5 feet.  We were spoiled last year with basically no snow so it wasn't much fun.  The kids are having a ball now that it's melting a little.  When it was up so high it was just too frustrating for them to even try walking.  We were fortunate and didn't lose power or have any damage.  My parents were stuck without power for a few days & their house was in the 30's.  Luckily they have a woodstove so they huddled around that for a few days.  Of course they were offered warmed locations, but they were trying to prevent any pipes freezing.  The best part about the snow is the naps that it causes!

Baby Girl Henry is 32 weeks 4 days today.  I had my 32 week check today and everything was looking perfect.  I signed all my consent forms so now we just hang around like a normal pregnant person.  Mostly.  :)  I had a high risk appt last week which revealed a 4lb 6oz baby at only 31 weeks 2 days.  (!!!)  This is crazy because the girls were only 4lbs 10oz at 34 weeks 2 days.  Though I do know not to set too much store by the estimates.  They always seem to be off a bit.  But point because, a high (estimated) weight combined with a slightly-excessive amount of fluid had the high risk practice scratching their heads and asking about my sugar test.

Then the ultrasound also revealed a 2 vessel cord-- which is incredibly puzzling to all because I've been having at least bi-weekly ultrasounds since 14 weeks and never was a 2 vessel cord noted.  Or not noted really because they can't find evidence in my notes of ever noting a 3 vessel cord (what you're supposed to have).  So that really has them scratching their heads, but that this point it's kind of a non-issue because while they'd really follow it if it was noted at 20 weeks to follow for bladder/kidney/size issues, I've never presented any of those issues so whether or not it was always a 2 vessel cord everything has been fine anyways.   Dr. K wants to set me up for one last ultrasound in a few weeks just to be sure, but really there's not much that worrying will do.

And with less than 7 weeks until this one enters the world (!!!!) I'm left with the reality that I haven't done a SINGLE THING to prepare.  Last night I was laying in bed and it occurred to me that I don't even have a place to store clothes right now!  :)  We'll be using the old carseats that we had for the boys.  Colby used his for 10 months and really the 2nd one never even got used (they were too big for the girls when they came home as 4lb peanuts).  We're going to use a Rock n Play or Pack n Play for sleep in the beginning.  After that either the girls will be in beds (Zoe can get out of her crib... but doesn't seem to know that she can do it... if that makes sense) & we'll use one of those cribs or we can always get Colby's down from the attic.

Other than that... we don't really have clothes because of size-timing.  The girls weren't in newborn clothes until the summer (July-ish) and Colby wasn't in newborn clothing until October/November.  We're doing cloth diapers this time and I have those picked out and know what I want.  What else do we need besides love?  :)  Oh!  A name!  We have a girls name picked out... however, if we end up with a boy we're going to be calling it "Baby Girl Henry" forever just like Colby wants.  (Actually, I think he has moved on to "Jake" because of Jake and the Neverland Pirates)

My mom's throwing a shower for me in a few weeks.  I'm super excited.  We had a shower for Colby, but even though it was so appreciated it was just rough.  At the time of the shower I was still 3 weeks from my due late, but Colby was already 2 months old and Connor was gone and it was just brutal.  With the girls we didn't do anything.  I was hoping for a shower (secretly) because we need so much, but that pregnancy turned into "keep them in as long as possible" like with the boys so celebrating wasn't in the cards.  And this time I'm pretty sure that things will just be right.  (Dr. K was back to his cheery- 'We're going to make it to section date!'-self that I love.)

So that's {baby} life in a nutshell kind of.  I have belly pictures and ultrasound pictures and other pictures I'd love to post, but even adding pictures is a monumental feat lately!