I LOVE Being Home!

Being home? = PHENOMENAL!

I hate having to be waited on. The pull out couch I spend most of my day on is super uncomfy. I can't pick up the bug.

BUT... I'm with the Bug all day and all night.

He seemed to do fine while I was gone-- mighty adaptable that one. He got into a routine and survived.

But now that I'm home he does not want to be away from me. (Which I do not mind!) I get unlimited unprompted "Mama!" hugs. He kisses like crazy. He kisses and hugs the babies (my belly, which is is happy to show off in all it's stretch-marked glory to anyone who wants to look) like there is no tomorrow. He is just happy to have his Mama home! (Though somewhere along the way he learned that my name is Stacey and has used it on several occasions!)

He seems so much older than 3 weeks ago. He's constantly running and jumping and laughing and tickling and generally cracking me up. I was keeping track of all his words for awhile-- I was up to about 160 or so, but I can't even keep track anymore. He repeats ANYTHING (as an example, there was a hilarious incident of him saying 'Dammit!' over and over in the car the day I got evicted because I kept laughing so he wanted to say it more and more. Thank you Daddy!) and strings together words that we didn't even know he had heard before. Today he cut his foot on a puzzle. Later on he took my cell phone and opened it and saw a "Baby!" (an old picture of him) and showed the baby his foot and said "Baby, I got Booboo!". The only thing he won't say is 'Colby'! He knows everyone else and will say anything (Daddy had him repeat 'phosphorous' today and he said 'forus') but he won't even try Colby! (He knows 'Connor' too!)

I just can't get over him. Sometimes I think he's too smart for his own good, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Being his mom gets better and better every day. And it's so much more amazing than I would have ever guessed!!

I have to pack a bag??

I am so happy to be home. I'm still having lots of Braxton Hicks, but they're not hurting so I'm not worrying about it. Just watching for blood like a crazy lady. :)

But a thought occurred to be about 1am last night when I was lying awake.

I'm home. I haven't had my babies. The next time I go to the hospital I will probably be having the babies. (Unless I get readmitted after my ATU appointment on Tuesday)

I need to pack a Hospital Bag!

What do I pack?? :) (I find it amusing that the concept is so foreign when I've already had 2 babies!)

I figure I'll pack a bag now and bring it Tuesday and then just keep it handy after. I won't worry about baby clothes until I hit 34+ weeks and even then I might wait and just send Johnny to pick out the Coming Home outfits because that's what we did for Colby.

Bits & Pieces Again

• Today I am 30 weeks 3 days. Awesome! +3 weeks 2 days from the boys' birth.

• I am getting evicted today and going home. I tell you, things change all the time here-- first it was home in a few days, then a week, then a few weeks, and then today. But that's okay... I think. I am nervous, but I know I am going to be nervous whether or not they evict me at 30 weeks or 32 weeks or 38 weeks. SUPER excited for some cuddle time with my bug!!!!

• I went to "Group" today again. I couldn't believe it... there is a mom who has been here for 3 weeks. She's 31 weeks 1 day with twins. She's going stir crazy so the doctor agreed to deliver her at 32 weeks!!!! She said that both babies look great, she's been stable for 4 weeks, but she just asked her doctor. I held my tongue because it's not my business, but really?? Your sanity is really more important than the health of your babes? I was just floored that the doctor would agree. And she was just SO cavalier about the NICU. Okay, rant over. (For now)

• Both babies are still looking great. They're both head down, lodged in there pretty good (they have both dropped and can't really move their heads). They kick like crazy and Baby A gets the hiccups ALL the time. B not so much... but it could also be more positional that I don't feel it.

• Yay for Erin for having the most fabulous IVF cycle ever!!

All done for now. Lunch time and then just waiting for Johnny to show up to get me home. :)

Bits & Pieces

• I finally tried to do some blog list updating. Let me know if I missed you!

• I didn't do a 29 week survey this week because I was tired of always writing the same thing...

• Today monitoring revealed an absurd number of contractions at 2-5 minutes apart consistently. They were more braxton hicks than anything... but enough to make the nurses and doctors nervous. They wanted to do an internal check but I'm too nervous simply because of how things went with the internal-everything looks perfect-you're going home-oh wait, lets have babies 2 days later last time. The doctor was totally understanding... so instead we wait to see if I have pain or if I bleed from the stitch ripping. Now that I write that... it doesn't seem like the greatest alternative!

• I made super cute handprint sheep with Colby. I got the idea from here, but it would have totally been better if I finished them BEFORE Easter so I could have given the Grandparents their prints to display for Easter. I guess I just consider it a success that I finished them with Johnny's help!

• We got Colby a few books, a super cute robot toddler backpack, Buzz & Woody, and a bathtub toy for Easter. I can't wait to hide the eggs in my room tomorrow! I love that little boy more than I can express!

March of Dimes 2011

It's almost time for the March of Dimes: March for Babies in Boston on May 7th!

Last year our team was ranked as the #3 family team in Boston and we raised nearly $10,000 with our 40 team members.

This year our numbers aren't looking as good as we only have about 20 walkers. We are off of our goal, but we are still thrilled to have raised well over $4,000. But of course, we're still looking for donations!!

The strides made by the March of Dimes have directly impacted our family-- as well as countless other babies.

If you would like to donate to Connor & Colby's Crew, please follow the link below!

Remember-- even the smallest donation could mean the difference between a family leaving the hospital with a baby in their arms or a memory box.

(And trust me, no one wants just the memory box.)

To donate, visit http://www.marchforbabies.org/jamersontwins

Weights!

Still hanging out. Still stable. :)

As we draw closer to 30 weeks again the "What should we do?" debate is popping up. Some want another FFN, some want a new length check. We'll see what Dr. K wants on Tuesday. I'm currently funneling right to the stitch (so, again, kudos to Dr. K for pushing for that one over my "High Risk Doc"). As my doctor today said- at least we don't need to wonder if the stitch was necessary.

As much as I want to go home, I'm hesitant because we live so far from the hospital and there aren't any high level NICUs (< 32 weeks) near us. And there's that whole pesky fact that I'm one of those people who didn't know they were in labor until it was too far past the point of stopping it. So, I figure by Tuesday we will have already made it more than 2 weeks... I might push for staying the extra 2 weeks until 32 weeks. (Though I've been told that I won't have to push too hard, given my history.)

That aside... the babies are doing great. Baby A (my left) became Baby A a million years ago because he/she was the presenting baby back in the day. Now that has changed and Baby B is presenting which should make him/her Baby A as he/she would be delivered first. But we're keeping the original A & B designation just so as not to confuse anyone. :)

Both A & B are head down. Baby B is wedged pretty tightly and very low. (Just like Connor- Baby A- was last time). B is curled across the top of my stomach to my left. Then Baby A is spooning right under B with his/her head starting right around my belly button and also curling to my left.

The estimates for weights this week are:

Baby A: 3lbs 3oz

Baby B: 3lbs 2oz

I know these can be off (Colby was estimated as 2lbs 6oz at 26 weeks and a week later he was born at 2lbs 3oz) but it's crazy to think that I might have +6lbs of baby in there!!!

Next on the list is Horizontal Easter. Johnny's bringing eggs to hide here in the room. I got Colby a bath toy, 2 books, & a super cute robot toddler backpack with his name on it. Johnny also got Colby Buzz and Woody from Toy Story (I don't know if I have mentioned on here how obsessed he is with Toy Story). I never did get Colby a basket though! I had planned on ordering one from Pottery Barn Kids with his name on it for him to use every year, but between everything that happened it got pushed to the back and when I thought of it, they were all sold out.

Oh well... next year I'll just order 3. EARLY. :)

Johnny & I : Where We've Come

Despite how annoyed (:oD) I sometimes get with the hubby, he really is an amazing guy.

We met in March of 2004- I can't believe it's been over 7 years! I was a Sophomore in college in Boston, not really looking for anyone. But there he was. :) On April 1, 2004 we decided to make it "official" and we were off and running. :) I had some cutie pictures of us from way back then but they're on my external hard drive and, well, I'm in the hospital. We were young and in love.

We were pretty much inseparable the end of that school year, all summer (1.5 hours apart), and into my Junior year. We spent every weekend together (give or take maybe 1 or 2) and usually 1 or 2 nights a week he would visit me at school.

He was my biggest cheerleader and in spring of 2005 I started applying to Study Abroad in Australia. I'd be gone for almost 4 months, but he encouraged me the entire time.

Another summer and I was ready to jet across the country and across the Pacific. I had to meet my group's plane in LA, so Johnny came with me to LA for a few nights. We stayed in the sketchy-est hotel ever (we obviously didn't know about the "good" and "bad" parts of LA when we booked it), got caught on a bus in the ghetto, Johnny almost got thrown out of LAX for screaming at the gate attendant... but the trip did have some highlights. But soon I was off across the world.

Our last meal together in LA...

I had the most amazing time in Australia, fell in love with the country, and dreamed of going back before I even left. Every day Johnny kept me connected with life back home as he sent me Daily Pictures. Sometimes they were things that reminded him of me and others they were just things (like his overflowing sink of dirty dishes). They always made me smile. (And wish he'd surprise me by jetting across the Pacific to visit!)

In mid-December I began the trek home from Sydney. My family met up with me in LA (they chose a better, less sketchy hotel area!) and we headed for home only to get stranded in Pittsburg due to a blizzard back home. Another night to add to the days apart. Finally the next day, December 10, 2005, on day 109, I landed in Providence and in Johnny's open arms.

A sweet-reunion in the airport

It was good to be back.

We spent the night with my parents and the next day we headed for Johnny's apartment. It was on that night, after 109 days apart, on December 11, 2005, that Johnny got down on one knee and proposed. I said yes (obviously!) and we got ready to begin the rest of our lives. (I have no picture from that night as I wasn't... um, dressed appropriately. Yes, I was wearing clothes though!)

We began planning the wedding- which was a feat in and of itself. We didn't agree on much throughout the whole planning process, but we eventually hammered out the details for our August 12th wedding.

Before our wedding, I graduated BU, got my teaching license, and in June we jetted off, back across the Pacific, this time for Hawaii! Johnny was the Best Man in his friend's wedding so we spent a week- 6 weeks before our wedding!- in paradise. We called it our Pre-Wedding-Honeymoon. After the trip we were down to the wire planning our day.

August 12, 2006 dawned as the MOST PERFECT DAY EVER. It was gorgeous and sunny and perfectly breezy and JUST the day we had hoped for when we gambled and planned and outdoor wedding. We walked through an arbor made by my dad, we were married by Johnny's cousin, we said "I do" in the afternoon breeze, and we danced the night away surrounded by friends and family. It was perfect.

A few days later we left on our mini-honeymoon, this time to Disney. We had a blast strolling through shops, hopping on rides (often cutting lines because of our Mickey & Minnie Wedding Hats!), holding hands down Main Street. We were just at peace.

When we returned we began our life... I started working, he went back to work, we made ends meet, and we had fun when we could. We were content. I would ask about babies- but we decided to wait a bit.

On Christmas Eve 2006 we decided we were ready. The pills went out and well, all that infertility stuff has been immortalized on here enough. It was hard.

THE night we decided we were READY

But we kept it together and never lost sight of why we were doing what we were doing. He held me over negative cycles and the miscarriage. He held my hand through blood draws and ultrasound and tests.

And he was there when Connor & Colby were placed back inside me. He was there through the ups and downs of the pregnancy-- from twins! and boys! to bedrest! and 27 weekers! Was it always happy and did we always get along? Not by a long shot. But he was there through it all.

And July 19, 2009. The day the boys were born he was the happiest I think I have ever seen him. He wore himself out worrying about me and the boys. Trying to be everywhere at once. Everything to everyone. But he did it. All the while he eased by fears that I caused everything to go wrong. He reminded me that it wasn't my fault.

Protecting Baby Colby

Two days later as we were told that Connor wasn't going to make it, he held my hands, squeezed me tight and told me that we would make it through. Me, him, and Colby would stay together. We were strong enough. As Connor took his final breaths Johnny reminded me that WE were strong enough.

The next days and weeks were hard. I didn't know how to deal with everything. I broke down at random times for random reasons. I wanted to jump out a window and run away. I didn't want to live in a place where my baby died and I couldn't do anything about it. I didn't want to face what was before us. But he reminded me that we had to be strong for Colby. He needed us. Johnny needed me. And I needed him. There was a lot of fighting those first few weeks and months. I fought against everything-- I didn't want this to be our reality and Johnny fought hard for US. He could have easily given up in the beginning but he didn't.

And 109 days later on November 5, 2009, we brought our second miracle home. Life wasn't complete... it never would be. But it was ours and it felt... good.

This is pretty much the worst picture ever. I can't figure out why I chose this picture as my "Welcome Home Colby" picture on facebook!

And life has continued to be good. Yes, I would sometimes like a little more help without being asked and I would like him to come home some day and out-of-the-blue give me a back rub or send me upstairs for a nap, but those things don't really matter so much, do they? He loves me... I don't doubt it. I do fight it sometimes, but I don't doubt it.

We're happy.