Deleted

I got rid of what I put up last night because my intention wasn't to make Johnny upset.

But thank you for the reassuring comments. :)

Group and Grandfather

One week... I know because I got my discounted parking tickets today. Well, for Johnny... but under my name. :)

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Today I went to the Bed Rest Group. It's a group that meets every Thursday morning. The same group met last time I was here, but I never went last time. The timing didn't work and really I just had every excuse possible to not go last time. :)

This time, however, I decided to be brave. I'm not really a "go to group and talk to other people about your issues" kind of person. But I decided to go because I figured I might be able to provide some been-there-done-that perspective. Three of us went-- all three of us have twins. (Though I'm the only non-au-natural twin gal.) One girl is 31 weeks along, shortened cervix, slightly dilated, and has been here seven weeks with a 3.5 year old at home. The other girl is 33.5 weeks along with high blood pressure and has been here for only a few days. She has a 2.5 year old as well.

It was interesting to hear them talking, after having been on the "other side". The 33.5 weeker was suggesting that the 31 weeker ask to be induced as she has been here so long and she's going a bit stir crazy. I tried to keep quiet, but I had to interject about avoiding the NICU if possible. (Though I did rave about the amazing NICU here.)

They were also talking about C-sections and how they both wanted to avoid it if at all possible- even if both babies are not head down. It amazes me to hear that sort of thing-- I guess just from where I was last time we spent the whole time thinking that I would do whatever the doctors said was best. I didn't fight or argue or dispute any decision. Stay on bed rest? Okay. Get steroids? Absolutely. C-section? Cut me open. I guess it's just a different point of thinking. Who knows where I would have been had I gotten a few more weeks...

But they were asking me two questions--- 1. They wanted to know how C-section recovery was for me and 2. They wanted to know how recovery from bed rest was.

And you know what? I had no idea. Doesn't that sound a little crazy?? I can't remember anything about the recovery besides popping some pain pills every now and then. Life was just too crazy with the boys and losing Connor and the funeral and signing on the house...

Now I'm left to wonder what recovery will be like this time around...

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Right now the only great-grandparent that is living is my grandfather- Pepere. Right now my aunt and uncle are staying with him as they're a bit nomadic and tend to split their time between Texas, South Carolina, Virginia, and Mass. Anyways....

On Monday my grandfather woke up not feeling too well, so after breakfast he headed back to bed. When he woke up later on, he got up, and on the way he ended up falling on his back and apparently he threw up and aspirated. My mom and uncle rushed him to the ER and he was admitted and diagnosed with pneumonia. So, he spent Monday in the ICU... and then Tuesday it was discovered that he also has the Flu and it's suspected that he had a stroke as well. So, he stayed in the hospital...

Then Wednesday he took a turn and was intubated and restrained. As of today he's still out of it, completely unresponsive and he was headed in for an MRI when I talked to my mom. Ugh.

So, he's still there and things aren't looking good. And it's just so hard to wrap my head around it. He was FINE a few days ago.

I'm dreading any more news. I'm terrified that something will happen in the next few days. If he passes away I'm still stuck here. I'm just feeling so torn.

He's such a homebody and doesn't travel much. He just keeps to himself and that's that. But when we lost Connor he upped and came to the funeral. It was totally unexpected because I couldn't remember the last time he took an hour drive somewhere. But he was there and he was heartbroken. Then a year later we celebrated Colby's 1st birthday and again, over an hour away, totally unexpected, and he was there. He fell head-over-heels in love with Colby. He says silly things all the time like "I love the way Colby runs." and "Colby is built so well!"

Oh well, I guess I don't know where I'm going with this. But it's in the back of my mind...

28w2d

I have the belly picture to put up from today (it's a tad ridiculous looking!!) but I haven't uploaded the picture yet. :)

How far along? 28 weeks 2 days

Total weight gain/loss: +30ish

Maternity clothes? Only the big comfy ones

Stretch marks? Uh huh.... hard to escape with twins!

Sleep: Usually from midnight to about 6:30... and sometimes an afternoon nap

Best moment this week: Any time I get to see Colby

Movement: Pretty constant- especially during monitoring and doppler times.

Food cravings: I really wanted a Snickers yesterday. :) Other than that... I'm hungry, but I have no snacks or anything here.

Gender: I'm thinking boy and girl still... I'm so excited to find out in a few months!

Labor Signs: Laying around has caused the Braxton Hicks diminish a bit. Now I just deal with the pesky cervix.

Belly Button in or out? Out and getting flatter

What I miss: Bring home with the Buggy Boy

What I am looking forward to: 30 weeks. Then 32 weeks... and on and on!

Weekly Wisdom: Take it easy

Milestones: We hit 28 weeks on Monday!!!

Bedrest Day 6

For the first time, the doctors seem to be at a consensus! I have heard a few more times that I am going to be here until 30 weeks at least. That's right until after Easter which is a bummer, but we're making it. I just can't figure out how I kept myself entertained last time... boredom has set in BIG time. Plus, being further along and having gained more weight this time-- my back is always hurting. They need more comfy beds here. :)

Not much else to update. As the babes toss and turn and swim and spin I'm having a good time trying to guess if I'm looking at butts or heads as they protrude. These babes are HUGE movers and shakers. (Just like the boys were!) Monitoring is always a little difficult because they are literally trying to kick off the sensors (I think!).

This got completely interrupted by a visit from my parents, Johnny, and the Buggo so I'll just end this and publish!

Still here for awhile...

Ah so the controversy continues! Haha.

This AM Dr. R decided that she wanted me out ASAP. So she ordered another length check in the ATU to see where we are at. Blah- why did she have to be here? The other doctor I love-- I learned they call him Dr. Bill (Dr. B) though he has a really long last name-- was there so that makes me feel better every time. The length check yielded about a .8cm change. Measurements ranged from 1.2cm to .8cm depending on where they decided the line was. So, it was decided that I am staying here. Insert heartbreak (Colby!) and peace of mind all at the same time.

It was fun though (sarcastic)... Dr. B was talking to me about babies and how many we want. His wife is pregnant with their second child and his first son is 7 days older than Colby and he always remembers this. We were talking about how much fun the little stage is when Dr. R came in and Dr. B made some comment about Colby at home. Dr. R jumped in with "Don't you have twins at home right now, too?" Dr. B's face fell an I had to remind her again that we lost Connor. Seriously????!!! I saw her 4 days ago!

So I came back up to my room for monitoring and Dr. K stopped in to talk to me. He made it blatantly clear that HE has the final decision about where I go and when and that made me feel a million times better. His thinking is 2 more weeks and then repeat the length check and decide from there. Odds are I'll be here until 32 weeks-- if we get that far-- before he seriously considers sending me home.

So it's hard, but I'm feeling better.

OH and I learned that Dr. K never wanted me to have the FFN because while they're good predictors of preterm labor, preterm labor isn't my issue. Instead, cervical incompetence is my issue, SO the FFN can easily come back negative and mean nothing. The bag of water is dying to get out and little fibers aren't going to do anything about that.

Still clueless!

Dr. K popped in to see me yesterday evening. He was here on a delivery and decided to pop in because he heard I had been admitted. Maybe this is normal practice for "good" doctors, but I haven't had a good one yet so I was thrilled to see him!

Basically his judgement is that, without the stitch, I would have already gone into labor and had these babies. Baby A's water is right at the stitch and itching to pop out, so yay for the cerclage that Ms. High Risk (Dr. R) told me not to get. :)

Dr. K is leaning toward keeping me here longer term like some of the other doctors.

Today Dr. K wasn't here, but I did meet with another Dr. K who is leaning toward this week and sending me home. See? I have no idea what's going on! They did the FFN today and it came back negative which makes me happy... but I still don't know where I am headed.

Tomorrow my Dr. K will be here again so I'm really hoping to get some definite answers. After all, he's the one who makes the decisions on my care, right? Right? (I'm really asking because I don't know!)

Still contraction free... "irritable" at times, but I don't even know what that means.

Basically, I still know a whole lot of nothing. But I am loving my nurses and knowing that there are people around here who really have my back.

OH AND HUGE CELEBRATION!!!

28 WEEKS TODAY!!!

At the most, I am 10 weeks away from meeting my babies!!!

32?

Just a quick update...

The newest suggestion by the doctor covering for Dr. K is that I stay here until at least 32 weeks. (Though I am quite aware that plans change quickly around here!) I'm not arguing because I want these babies as healthy as possible and there is a great deal of peace-of-mind that comes from monitoring and checks and such.

But I am devastated. I'm missing Colby and feeling like I did this to us. Not just being here where we are... but I pushed for the two embryos. I'm putting lives in jeopardy and it's killing me. I just want these two here as heathy as possible.

And just to clarify... I did make the transition from Dr. R a while ago. Dr. R was my high risk doctor down the road at a satellite office. I was not loving her and she needed me to schedule my appt. at the ATU at BI one Friday because she had to hold office hours there as part of her rotation. As luck would have it, she cancelled her hours at the ATU and another doctor saw me that day and I quickly fell in love with everyone at the ATU, so I checked with Dr. K (my regular OB whom I love) and he told me to keep going to the ATU if I was more comfortable. So I have been going there for probably 2 months? All without ever having contact with Dr. R. It was just by chance that she was covering the ATU again on Friday when I was there for my biweekly appointment. So I don't see her regularly and do not consider her my high risk doctor anymore.

I did vent to Dr. K's covering doctor today that Dr. R was acting as if 28 weeks is "no big deal" and she thought that was ridiculous. (Thus her wanting me to be here for longer.) I told her I felt better knowing that someone agreed with the seriousness of the situation. So we'll see...