Bedrest Day 6

For the first time, the doctors seem to be at a consensus! I have heard a few more times that I am going to be here until 30 weeks at least. That's right until after Easter which is a bummer, but we're making it. I just can't figure out how I kept myself entertained last time... boredom has set in BIG time. Plus, being further along and having gained more weight this time-- my back is always hurting. They need more comfy beds here. :)

Not much else to update. As the babes toss and turn and swim and spin I'm having a good time trying to guess if I'm looking at butts or heads as they protrude. These babes are HUGE movers and shakers. (Just like the boys were!) Monitoring is always a little difficult because they are literally trying to kick off the sensors (I think!).

This got completely interrupted by a visit from my parents, Johnny, and the Buggo so I'll just end this and publish!

Still here for awhile...

Ah so the controversy continues! Haha.

This AM Dr. R decided that she wanted me out ASAP. So she ordered another length check in the ATU to see where we are at. Blah- why did she have to be here? The other doctor I love-- I learned they call him Dr. Bill (Dr. B) though he has a really long last name-- was there so that makes me feel better every time. The length check yielded about a .8cm change. Measurements ranged from 1.2cm to .8cm depending on where they decided the line was. So, it was decided that I am staying here. Insert heartbreak (Colby!) and peace of mind all at the same time.

It was fun though (sarcastic)... Dr. B was talking to me about babies and how many we want. His wife is pregnant with their second child and his first son is 7 days older than Colby and he always remembers this. We were talking about how much fun the little stage is when Dr. R came in and Dr. B made some comment about Colby at home. Dr. R jumped in with "Don't you have twins at home right now, too?" Dr. B's face fell an I had to remind her again that we lost Connor. Seriously????!!! I saw her 4 days ago!

So I came back up to my room for monitoring and Dr. K stopped in to talk to me. He made it blatantly clear that HE has the final decision about where I go and when and that made me feel a million times better. His thinking is 2 more weeks and then repeat the length check and decide from there. Odds are I'll be here until 32 weeks-- if we get that far-- before he seriously considers sending me home.

So it's hard, but I'm feeling better.

OH and I learned that Dr. K never wanted me to have the FFN because while they're good predictors of preterm labor, preterm labor isn't my issue. Instead, cervical incompetence is my issue, SO the FFN can easily come back negative and mean nothing. The bag of water is dying to get out and little fibers aren't going to do anything about that.

Still clueless!

Dr. K popped in to see me yesterday evening. He was here on a delivery and decided to pop in because he heard I had been admitted. Maybe this is normal practice for "good" doctors, but I haven't had a good one yet so I was thrilled to see him!

Basically his judgement is that, without the stitch, I would have already gone into labor and had these babies. Baby A's water is right at the stitch and itching to pop out, so yay for the cerclage that Ms. High Risk (Dr. R) told me not to get. :)

Dr. K is leaning toward keeping me here longer term like some of the other doctors.

Today Dr. K wasn't here, but I did meet with another Dr. K who is leaning toward this week and sending me home. See? I have no idea what's going on! They did the FFN today and it came back negative which makes me happy... but I still don't know where I am headed.

Tomorrow my Dr. K will be here again so I'm really hoping to get some definite answers. After all, he's the one who makes the decisions on my care, right? Right? (I'm really asking because I don't know!)

Still contraction free... "irritable" at times, but I don't even know what that means.

Basically, I still know a whole lot of nothing. But I am loving my nurses and knowing that there are people around here who really have my back.

OH AND HUGE CELEBRATION!!!

28 WEEKS TODAY!!!

At the most, I am 10 weeks away from meeting my babies!!!

32?

Just a quick update...

The newest suggestion by the doctor covering for Dr. K is that I stay here until at least 32 weeks. (Though I am quite aware that plans change quickly around here!) I'm not arguing because I want these babies as healthy as possible and there is a great deal of peace-of-mind that comes from monitoring and checks and such.

But I am devastated. I'm missing Colby and feeling like I did this to us. Not just being here where we are... but I pushed for the two embryos. I'm putting lives in jeopardy and it's killing me. I just want these two here as heathy as possible.

And just to clarify... I did make the transition from Dr. R a while ago. Dr. R was my high risk doctor down the road at a satellite office. I was not loving her and she needed me to schedule my appt. at the ATU at BI one Friday because she had to hold office hours there as part of her rotation. As luck would have it, she cancelled her hours at the ATU and another doctor saw me that day and I quickly fell in love with everyone at the ATU, so I checked with Dr. K (my regular OB whom I love) and he told me to keep going to the ATU if I was more comfortable. So I have been going there for probably 2 months? All without ever having contact with Dr. R. It was just by chance that she was covering the ATU again on Friday when I was there for my biweekly appointment. So I don't see her regularly and do not consider her my high risk doctor anymore.

I did vent to Dr. K's covering doctor today that Dr. R was acting as if 28 weeks is "no big deal" and she thought that was ridiculous. (Thus her wanting me to be here for longer.) I told her I felt better knowing that someone agreed with the seriousness of the situation. So we'll see...

High Risk Appt

Yesterday we had another high risk at the ATU. One of the doctors (fellows?) I really like was there but so was Dr. R which I wasn't too thrilled about. The fellow did the ultrasound and both babies were ridiculously active as always. It just doesn't get old, does it?? It was just so bizarre to me to think that we were watching them INSIDE at 27w4d. At this time I was watching over Colby on the outside. So weird! We got to watch practice breaths and we never got these last time. :)

But the check also showed a shortened cervix. So, after a discussion with Dr. R (ugh!) I was sent up to traige to be admitted for steroids and to be watched for a few days. As far as I know I'm only going to be here until Monday when I hit 28 weeks. But it's always in the air, right?

Dr. R was driving me crazy as usual-- once again she wanted to know why we were being monitored so closely. Seriously, you can't read a file? Or remember? I've met about 15 doctors/nurses/residents already in my 24 hours and they all knew the situation about my boys before and what's happening now. And I've only met them ONCE.

The other thing that peeved me was she was going on and on about how we're 28 weeks on Monday and then we can stop worrying. So in her opinion it's not a big deal to be monitored closely or do bedrest. And yes, I know that a 28 week baby is MUCH better than 24 or 27 or anywhere in between. But please don't tell me that 28 weeks means that you're out of the woods. I was talking to a neonatologist today, and yes, 28 weeks does decrease the chance of eye disease and brain bleeds, etc. But they're not eliminated and then there is still the huge issue of breathing. Yes, I am SO happy to have gotten here, but it's not good enough. And I feel like Dr. R wants to wipe her hands of me and my babies just because we're 28 weeks. I'm okay with that as long as I get another awesome doctor (Dr. K!) but I just couldn't believe that she was so cavalier about hitting 28 weeks.

But the short of it is that I'm here and missing my Bug like crazy. He came and visited for several hours today (and did amazingly!) It's not the same as cuddling him to sleep though...

27 w 3 d

How far along? 27 weeks 3 days

Total weight gain/loss: +30ish

Maternity clothes? Yes

Stretch marks? Yes- lots and I'm sure there are a bunch I can't even see.

Sleep: Usually about 7 hours

Best moment this week: Being here!

Movement: Lots

Food cravings: Nothing

Gender: 1 of each

Labor Signs: Lots of Braxton Hicks contractions... I'm praying that the check on Friday shows that they haven't done anything...

Belly Button in or out? Out

What I miss: Not being in intense pain 24/7

What I am looking forward to: Watching the weeks tick away

Weekly Wisdom:

Milestones: Making it past 27w1d and 27w3d. We are further along than we were when we had the babes and when we lost Connor.

Colby and Babies

Colby

I don't think I talk about how much I love this little guy. Every day he continues to melt my heart. The past two weeks off have been exhausting (he's a busy guy!) but absolutely amazing. I have loved being with him nonstop.

I am awful at posting pictures and info about Colby on here because I also have 2 family blogs that I do that on... so please visit www.thejamersontwins.blogspot.com (updated belly pics, info about Colby, Colby's words, etc.) or www.365daysofcolby.blogspot.com (daily pictures of Colby since his 1st birthday) to see more of the cutie!

Talking

He is so verbal. I've been trying to track his words on our family blog, but it's so difficult because every day he's adding a list of words. He repeats everything and he also consistently uses well over 100 words correctly. He's been stringing 2 and 3 word sentences together lately. He's learning to say "Bove oo" with some prompting (Love you) but right now my favorites are "Dank oo Mama" and "Welcome Mama". The way he says it- unprompted- just melts my heart.

Cuddle Bug

He's a cuddle monster still. He loves to give "Monkey Hugs" (as I call them) when he wraps his arms and legs around you and just squeezes. I live for those. He'll give kisses and hugs all the time now. Mwah! We cuddle every night with a blanket and a stack of books before bed. It's just such a peaceful time of day that I love. I still rock and cuddle him to sleep. It's definitely more work than having him go to sleep on his own, but I love knowing that he feels so safe and secure and I'm acutely aware of the fact that we'll never get this time back, so I'm okay with it.

Sleep

Speaking of night time... we're in a bit of a co-sleeping mode right now. I've always liked the idea of co-sleeping, but with him being such a preemie and me being deathly afraid of SIDS I wouldn't try it early on. He slept in a pack 'n play next to our bed until he was about 7 months old and then we moved him to his crib. He still woke up a lot and I'd rock him and give him a bottle and put him back down as many times as necessary throughout the night... sometimes once, sometimes 4 or 5 times. Then I headed back to work around 9 months and around 10 months it was too much. I was too tired, so I started bringing him into bed with us after he woke up. It was still exhausting because I still rocked him asleep before hopping into bed, but it was better. Then throughout the summer he slept pretty well in his crib all night by himself. If he woke up, I'd go in, pick him up and get him back to sleep in his crib. He was only waking up 1-2 times so it wasn't too bad and I was keeping my sanity.

Then in January I had the stitch put in and my activity was limited a bit. It got to the point where I couldn't physically handle picking Colby up and bending in his crib, so I started bringing him to bed with us again. He'd cuddle up to be every night and sleep so peacefully. I love it. He starts every night in his crib (so I can get a few hours of work done after he's asleep) and then he ends up in our bed whenever he wakes up. I've been asked if I'm worried I'm setting him up for bad sleep habits in the future, but I'm really not worried. But I'll leave that at that. :)

Daycare

So, we had the daycare issues a few weeks ago. We haven't heard from K since about the money, so I think it has pretty much blown over. I noticed a few days ago, though, that the "Daycare Craziness" post had 3 new comments. They were all from within 3 or so hours on March 28th and from anonymous. If you didn't see them, the gist of them was that I was a liar, that K (daycare lady) could press charges against me for writing about the incident, that a corporate daycare would be absolutely awful for my child, and that daycare lady was providing the best care possible so I should get my facts straight.

At first I was a bit upset by the comments because they were a bit unkind (to say the least)... but after thinking about them I'm really thinking that they were either all written by K or K & a few friends she might have complained to. (I also only now realized that you can find this place by simply searching my emal, which she has) It seemed too odd that they'd be so close together, all on the same day, a week after the incident occurred. I was going to post a response to the comments, but I decided it wasn't worth it. I know that we took Colby out of K's care because she took him away at pick up without contacting anyone (who does that????) and in a non-rear facing carseat because she was in a "rush" (he's too small still for the forward facing & please do not put my child's safety in jeopardy because you're late).

I wonder sometimes if I'm too cautious and overprotective because of what we went through with Colby and Connor. Maybe I am... but I feel like that's my right- especially when I'm paying someone to care for my child. But the whole incident has helped to foster a list of questions to look into for the next place. We have found a few candidates... none of which take daily trips to the park or Toys R Us or a son's doctors appointment. :)

Babies 3 & 4

Nearing 27w1d

I'm in such a weird place with this pregnancy. It has gone SO fast I can't believe it. Today is 26 weeks 5 days. Since I got to 23w2d- the point I went on bedrest last time- I've kind of felt invincible. Like both babies are definitely coming home. And I'm going to go full term. But at the same time I have been waiting for the other shoe to drop. So, as I approach 27w1d on Tuesday (aka D-Day for the boys) I feel like that's the biggest milestone of all. It's almost like if I get past that point I'm sure that both babies will live.

Contractions

But I've also been having increasing Braxton Hicks contractions. I didn't have any with the boys that I knew of but they're so evident now. If I do anything more than lay on the couch like a potato I seem to have them. It's so frustrating. I go back to Dr. K on Monday so we'll talk about that. (I'm already drinking gallons of water!)

Getting Ready

We haven't done anything to get ready for the babies, but we have to get a move on. I've been waiting for the miraculous "It's okay" day, but I know that won't ever really come until they're born and home with us. But we need to do some things. We're getting mini-cribs for the twins this time- they'll convert into twin beds when they are bigger. The babies will be in our room for now and when they're sleeping a little better we'll move rooms and they'll share with Colby. It's a cramped space we share, but we have to stay here for 3 years because we got the First Time Home Buyers Tax Credit last year and we don't really feel like paying it back. :)

And since we don't know if we're having boys/girls/one of each, I feel like I can't do too much more. :) I want to pull down the bins we have of toys and blankets to get those ready, but I'm not sure I want to pull down the bins of newborn clothing just yet. But I probably should because odds are there is a boy in there, right?

I know there is more I wanted to write about... but I can't think of it.

Pop by Erin's to send positive thoughts for her upcoming IVF cycle. She's been though a lot the past few months... and Trevor NEEDS to be a big brother.